


One Step Forwards, Two Steps Back

by Scarlette890



Series: Walking Backwards [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, M/M, Maybe angst, Menstruation, Modern AU, Past eating disorder, Protective Kakashi, Recreational Drug Use, Trans Haku, Trans Sasuke Uchiha, anxiety and depression, implied/referenced eating disorder, protective itachi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:41:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 36
Words: 59,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25205644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlette890/pseuds/Scarlette890
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke, the new transfer at school, isn't what Naruto expected when Sakura said he was a "Pretty Boy". Yeah, for sure, he was actually gorgeous, but his silver tongue and skinny frame definitely didn't match the "Pretty Boy" aesthetic.As Naruto dives deeper into the Uchiha's past and current life, he starts to realize that Sasuke's way more than just a pretty face.
Relationships: Deidara/Sasori (Naruto), Gaara/Rock Lee, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto), Hoshigaki Kisame/Uchiha Itachi, Hyuuga Neji/Nara Shikamaru, Sai/Yamanaka Ino, Temari/Tenten (Naruto), Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Walking Backwards [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055720
Comments: 267
Kudos: 421





	1. One step forward

**Author's Note:**

> So disclaimer: This chapter has a sort of detailed talk about anxiety, which I myself deal with and take medication for. I know it's kind of different for everyone, but I just wrote down the general gist of whatever's in my head on a daily basis. I'm not well-versed or anything at all, so I guess you could kind of think of this as a vent fic?? I dunno, anywho, just wanted to let you know that I'm not trying to offend you or get anything wrong.

When Sakura slid her little hand into Naruto's back pocket in the middle of the hallway, he honestly thought she was groping him. A slight twinge of confusion twitched in his brain as she walked by him, flashing him a smile as the scent of her cherry-blossom shampoo and vanilla perfume ghosted over his skin.

As she scurried away, he watched with confusion when she slapped her left back pocket, her hand landing squarely on the patch of heart-speckled fabric. Then she turned, glossed lips shining in the fluorescent lights, then winked obnoxiously at him.

So, curiously, he reached behind himself and slid his hand into his own back pocket, only to find a rumpled peice of crumpled notebook paper with smudging ink crammed into it.

 _Pretty Boy in Chemistry_.

"What the fuck," he muttered, staring at the note for another few seconds, before dismissing it and chucking it into the nearest garbage can.

* * *

Okay, okay, he should _not_ have dismissed that note.

Because there was a gorgeous (honestly, he was stunning) Japanese transfer student standing in the middle of the room next to Madara Sensei. His midnight hair was thick and shiny, with twin side-peices framing his pretty face.

Naruto would bet that he used conditioner.

His sharp cheekbones were highlighted in the ugly white light of the classroom, and his cupid's bow was shining too. Naruto wondered if he used highlighter or something like that.

But, oh shit, those _eyes_.

They were kind of big on his face, their pretty almond-shaped slant making him look more sophistocated and less... mean, like the pout of his lips was making him out to be. His lashes looked like they had been laved with mascara, and Naruto thought that maybe he _was_ wearing a little makeup.

His obsidian eyes were spattered with little ruby glints that made him look sweet and soft, but when he and Naruto made eye-contact, the blonde kind of felt like he was gonna get yelled at by his boss.

But hey, he could take it.

"Introduce yourself, tell us something about yourself," Madara encouraged, placing a calloused hand on the pretty guy's shoulder. The brunette stared distastefully at the bold hand, but he did as he was told, even if he did roll his eyes.

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha," he introduced, his voice monotone, even though Naruto detected a hint of the bitter bite that glinted in his eyes in his tone. "I'm from Japan. Can I sit now?"

Madara Sensei and all the boys stared at Sasuke, probably wondering if everyone was like that in Japan. All the girls were tittering excitedly, talking animatedly and fluttering their hands.

Their teacher cleared his throat. "Do you like living in America?"

Sasuke gave a ~~cute~~ little huff. "Well, so far, it's a lot of work. May I sit?, please?"

Madara Sensei laughed nervously, removing his hand from the studen's shoulder. "I'm from Japan too. It's awfully loud here, isn't it?"

"Yes."

The flatness of his tone must have been an, 'I'm through with you' indicator, because their teacher sighed and pointed to the seat beside Naruto, who perked up immediately.

"You can sit there, Mr. Uchiha."

"Thanks."

Naruto did his best to catch Sasuke's eye as the brunette slid into his seat, dropping his messenger bag uncerimoniously onto the surface of the desk. Unfortunately, he ended up getting glared at, a plump pink lip curling in distaste at him.

"What?" he hissed, honestly looking kinda paranoid.

Naruto took it in stride, having had to work pretty hard to get Neji to be his friend, too. He flashed a trademark, blinding grin at him. "Hi! I'm Naruto Uzumaki!"

"Like the fish cake?" Sasuke's voice was bland and annoyed as he pulled out his books, everything looking neat and orderly as he arranged it to his liking on the wooden surface. He flipped open a spiral bound notebook, which was, of course, filled with pages of immaculate handwriting and tiny diagrams.

"Huh?"

He didn't get an answer, instead another glare while Sasuke pulled out three different colors of highlighters and placed them upright right next to his thick science textbook.

However, Naruto brushed it off. Neji was like that too, but he'd come around.

Most people did.

* * *

The lunch tables they shoved together to become one were bustling as always, Sakura and Ino babbling about their extra-curricular medical club or something, even while the pinkette curled her lashes and the blonde swiped on a thin layer of lip gloss.

Shikamaru and Chouji were talking animatedly about whatever grade the Nara got, even though he hadn't studied, it was a 98 or something. Shikamaru had one hand placed firmly on Neji's thigh, who was chatting with Haku about how their favorite brand of conditioner had gotten discontinued.

Sai was sitting quietly and so was Gaara, even though Lee was trying to talk to both of them.

Meanwhile, on the other side, Deidara was moulding all the mashed potatoes into a giant sculpture that greatly resembled a headless chicken, Sasori was re-assembling a Monster High doll, Shisui was doing the Cup song and singing badly, Hidan was stabbing his meat with a huge steak-knife, and Kakuzu was counting all the money in his and Hidan's pockets.

Ah, yes, as chaotic as always.

Naruto plopped down between Deidara and Haku, and the blond haired sculptor immediately demanded his mashed potatoes, which he forged over without contempt.

Just as he was about to lift another forkfull of... whatever he was eating, he wasn't sure, a flash of dark hair and porcelain skin clipped his vision. Sasuke was standing kind of awkwardly in the middle of the cafeteria, looking like he didn't know where to go, since most of the tables were full.

Immediately, since he was such a nice guy, Naruto waved him down. When the coal-black eyes found him, he grinned again and smached the seat beside him. He recieved an eye-roll for his efforts, the Uchiha walking in the opposite direction and sliding into an empty seat at a vacant table.

The blonde sighed, watching Sasuke with the best puppy dog eyes he had while the Uchiha ignored him, not even touching his food as he pulled out his phone.

Unfortunately, about halfway through his little Uchiha encounter, he noticed a distinct lack of noise from the other table and the quickly dying out sounds of catastrophe from beside him.

Glancing up, he dropped his fork to the table with a clatter when he saw every single pair of eyes at the table staring at him. Sakura's lips were twisted into a smirk, Ino was curling her hair around a single finger, and Hidan's eyes were narrowed.

He cleared his throat. "Uh... what?"

Sakura stood up immediately, slamming her palms down on the table. "I SAW THAT!" she screeched loudly, Ino leaning into Sai as she cackled. Lee, who was sitting beside the pinkette, reached up and pulled her back down, with a quick, "Sakura! We must not disturb the rest of the cafeteria!"

Which only deterred her a bit, as she hissed, "I knew it!"

"Knew what?"

"Oh, come on! You were staring at him! He's hot, huh?"

This time, Naruto was the one to roll his eyes. "Yeah, I was staring at him because he's the new kid and he doesn't have any friends yet. I wanted to off her him a place to sit! You know, because _I'm a nice guy_?"

Neji and Gaara, both loners whom Naruto had befriended (and introduced to their current boyfriends), nodded. Before Sakura could open her mouth, the redhead interrupted. "It's hard to be by yourself all the time," he said quickly, which was kind of a major character twist for him. "I myself was very... alone... before. It was refreshing to be offered a place where I didn't have to be by myself."

Which was true. Gaara's parents had died when he was very young, so they couldn't explain to the people who took him that he had severe OCD, ADHD and anxiety. The people who adopted him tried several treatments methods, but they were all for the _natural_ way and had gone way, way too far, including stamping a strange symbol on his forehead and isolating him from other people.

In result, they brought up a boy who was scared of people and hated to be touched.

When Gaara had first come to school, everyone was kind of scared of him, but Naruto introduced himself a few days after he'd arrived, lettimg him meet the group. Then, he and Sakura had gotten into a crazy complicated plan to get him and Lee together, which included two firetrucks and seven wheelbarrows full of lilies.

The plan had crashed, but Lee asked Gaara out, so he and Sakura were satisfied.

Neji cleared his throat awkwardly, but nodded.

The Hyuuga had grown up in a very, very seperated family. One side considered themselves better than everyone, and treated the other side, who were dirt poor, like shit. Neji had grown up in the 'other side', where he was taught to serve other people, which made him bitter and pretty wary about others. The Hyuuga was prissy and rude to everyone, probably because he didn't want to be ordered around anymore.

Naruto had dragged him into his circle of friendship after second semester of Sophomore year, directly after he found Neji staring at the B+ circled in red at the top of his Math test with tears cascading down his flushed face in an empty classroom.

Turned out, the Hyuuga was doing his best to get into a good college and was trying to get a scholarship because even if he, and his family, scraped every ounce of money they had into one pile, he wouldn't even get halfway to the college cost.

Everyone but Shikamaru had been nervous around the Hyuuga, and eventually the lazy Nara worked out a way to get Neji to calm down. Now, whenever the Hyuuga got himself worked up, all Shika had to do was sit with him and hold his hand, waiting in silence for the medicine to kick in.

Naruto himself had sat through that ritual several times, letting Neji hold onto him like a lifeline as he tried to shut up his brain.

So of course, Naruto wanted to befriend Sasuke. If the guy just needed some kind of lifeline or maybe he just needed a friend, Naruto wanted to help. However, according to Sakura, he might just have been a prick.

"Uh... no offense Neji or Gaara, but everyone thought _they_ were just bitchy until we got to know 'em some," Hidan called, and got a few nods from everyone around the table.

Chouji, who was cramming a sandwich into his mouth, nodded easily. "Yeah, c'mon, he might have anxiety too. That kinda screws your brain up, right?"

Neji rolled his eyes, because after all, he was still prissy. "Sometimes it makes you so neurotic that you can't see three feet in front of you. It's like you're constantly about to go up on stage in front of a million people, so forgive me if it makes some people 'screwed up'," he snapped, which gained him an arched eyebrow and a patronizing flick on the shoulder from Shikamaru.

Chouji frantically waved his hands back and forth, eyes blown wide. "No, no that's not what I meant! I'm sorry! I just meant that maybe he... he might... nevermind."

Gaara just shrugged. "It's fine, we know you weren't trying to be rude." He dropped his head on Lee's shoulder. "It's a kind of complicated subject anyway. Gotta take lots of medicine."

This time, Ino decided to step in. The blonde had been working hard on her extra-curricular psychology class. One time, she'd told Naruto in confidence that she wanted to help people like Neji and Gaara. She hated it when they were scared, and so she wanted to know what she herself could do to make it a little better for them. "Maybe it's not anxiety," she commented. "Maybe it's just a bad day, or like Sakura said, he might just be a prick." She popped a tootsie roll into her mouth. "But it could be something deeper. I'm pretty sure we have room at the table for one more, anyway."

"Alright, everyone who says Sasuke Uchiha should become part of the group, say 'I'," Deidara called, raising his own hand and saying, "I" at the same time everyone else did. And then it was official; Naruto Uzumaki was going to drag Sasuke Uchiha into friendship if it was the last thing he did.


	2. New tutor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I added the trans Haku tag because I forgot to put it on there. Sorry!!

Okay, so it was true, as sweet as Naruto Uzumaki was, he wasn't the sharpest cookie in the shed.

So as he sat, staring with wide eyes at the D scrawled in red across the top of his paper, he wasn't very surprised.

Unfortunately though, it seemed as if he had gotten a few too may bad grades this year, and Mr. Hashirama wasn't very happy. "Naruto," he huffed, his fingertips pinching the bridge of his nose. "This is your junior year, the year your grades matter. And from what I've seen so far, you will absolutely not be getting into a good college, and finding a job will be hard enough!"

"Hey!" the blonde defended, always so quick to make himself seem better. "I have a job!"

Mr. Hashirama raised an eyebrow. "You work at a coffee shop," he corrected. "It might be a job, but it isn't a career. And trust me, you won't get very far without one."

Slumping in his seat, Naruto bobbed his head as he nibbled on his bottom lip, trying to look as pitiful as possible. Mr. Hashirama smiled. "Good! I'm going to get you a tutor—"

"No!" Naruto yelped, leaping to his feat, cerulean eyes wide. "I can find one!"

The dark haired man arched a brow as he tented his fingers, an incredulous look gracing his face. "Um... why?"

"Because!" The blonde's brain was scrambling for an explination about why he wanted one of his friends to help instead of some stranger. "Because I um... a bunch of my friends are super super smart, and they know the way I think?"

Mr. Hashirama stared at him for a few seconds, still looking wary.

And he really did have a right, Naruto's group of friends were known as walking disasters all around school. Usually Sasori led Deidara into the room while the blonde was still doing his eyeliner, and sometimes Ino pulled out her battery charged hair-curler in class. Shikamaru napped in class, Kakuzu tried to haggle with the lunch lady, and Hidan usually threatened death to at least six and a half people a day, but they were great people! (Okay, the only not-disaster was probably Haku, but that was fine!)

"Please, Mr. Hashirama. I swear I'll bring everything up, and if I can't find a tutor, I'll tell you first thing."

The principal sighed, his chest heaving softly with the effort. "Okay, I'll give you that. But Naruto, promise me, okay? And if you don't have one by the end of the week, I'm getting one for you"

"I promise! Believe it!"

* * *

"Shikamaru, please! Just help me pass midterms! I'll ask Neji if you can't, but please!"

The Nara narrowed his eyes, finally glancing up from the solitaire game he was playing on his phone. "You absolutely will not. He already has a lot of stress to deal with," he scolded. "Apparently, his bastard of an uncle is fighting for custody of him again, and none of us will put more pressure on him this week. Especially since he's already worried about midterms."

Naruto froze the second he said the 'bastard uncle' phrase. The man had absolutely been all the cause for Neji's awful childhood, considering he had said he didn't want Neji after his parents died. Unfortunately for everyone, he had gotten him anyway. He had housed him and fed him, but quid pro quo, Neji was expected to basically serve him and his neice. (Who was actually a sweet girl and did her best to make Neji's load lighter, even if there was only so much she could do) Hiashi got rid of his nephew a few years later, planting him in the other side of the family, where things were probably worse than when he was in the main house.

"Hiashi still wants him!?" he errupted. "That... that stupid fuck can't—!"

"Chill!" Shikamaru hissed angrily. "I know, I know, his grandma's doing her best! But she's not exactly rich and can't afford a great lawyer, so I'm busy making Neji's life easier, and you know he already doesn't like taking care of himself. And I'm really sorry I can't help you, but between Neji and my own work schedule, I don't think I can do it."

Naruto nodded, complete and total understanding filling his senses. "I totally get it," he assured Shikamaru. "I'll uh... I'll ask Haku." Shikamaru nodded. "Okay."

* * *

Haku's sweet face was sad when he shook his head. "I'm really sorry," he said softly. "But I'm taking too many extra classes this year, and Zabuza already thinks I don't spend enough time with him."

"He said that?"

"No, no of course not. He just asks me if I'm busy a few times a week, and when I say I am, he doesn't really reply. He's really doing his best not to push me away, but I'm afraid I'm doing the pushing this time."

Naruto groaned internally, sorry for himself. "Don't worry, I'm glad you two are getting closer together! It's really not a problem Haku, I'll figure it out. I'll ask Kakzu or something, he's smart, right?"

His friend snorted as he checked his watch, grimacing at the time. "Yeah, he and Hidan are both smart, they just don't like to admit or act upon it. Anyway, I have to go, I promised all the kittens at the shelter I'd visit them before I go hime. Bye!"

He waved as he scurried out the door, Naruto running a hand through his sunshine hair.

 _Damn. Onto 'Kuzu_.

* * *

After Kakuzu agreed, they ended up at his house, he, Hidan, and Kakuzu lounging lazily on the couch as the older of the group flashed different cards with facts and dates written neatly on them.

To Naruto's chagrin, it wasn't going well. Hidan was half high, a joint dangling lazily from his fingertips with both legs thrown over Kakazu's lap with his hand planted on Naruto's thigh. He was constantly interrupting their study time, even after the miser demanded he leave.

He'd grumbled, spewing cusses until Naruto assured him he could stay. Then he climbed up on Kakuzu's lap, laving sloppy kisses all over his neck until the penny-pitcher slammed the flashcards down on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry, Naruto," he apologized. "Maybe when he leaves, but we can't get anything done while he's here."

The Uzumaki gives a little wave. "It's fine, you did help a little though, kind of a lot more than I expected when Hidan was here!"

It was true, he'd gotten a great grasp on some of the History dates and had memorized two math equations. He would at least be able to manage the next History test, so that was all that was important right now.

"Thanks man," he called as he shut the door behind him

* * *

Sakura was an intense teacher, though very organized. Her thick stack of notebooks of all the subjects were neatly positioned and colorcoded, so she could grab the right one at the right time. She used flashcards for twenty minutes, got him to write things down for ten minutes, talked for ten, and gave him a quick quiz for another ten.

They got five minute breaks once every hour.

Naruto thanked her but left quickly. Sakura was a great teacher, a great friend and he loved her dearly, but she was just a little too...

Intense

* * *

Okay, to be honest? Those people were the only ones he trusted to help him study.

Sasori was taking different classes except math, which he wasn't good at either, Deidara didn't understand much by himself, Ino was way too busy, Sai made things awkward, Gaara didn't know how to tutor anyone, Shisui and Lee couldn't focus for the life of them, and Neji was under too much stress.

That was what brought Naruto to Hashirama's office on a Saturday morning, mumbling that he hadn't found anyone to help him.

The principal smiled at him. "Don't worry, we can still get your grades up! I actually already had a person in mind, he's a very hard worker, very smart, even though he is pretty new and doesn't have much experience. I'll give you his information, okay?"

Naruto nodded. Even though his new tutor wasn't anyone he knew very well, he really did need to get his grades up.

* * *

That afternoon, he stood behind the counter of the Lily Cafe with a rose-colored apron tied around his waist, all of his friends crowded in the same corner-bench they always managed to cram themselves into. It was the as close as possible to Naruto so they could all still have their precious conversation, and currently, he was the one talking.

The evening sun was slowly sinking over the horizon, causing golden-patterened light to pool on the floor and turn everyone's skin honey colored. Deidara's blue eyes were especially brilliant under the light, and Hidan's hair looked like spun-silver.

"So since I couldn't get a tutor, now he's gonna hook me up with somebody and I have to work on the weekends!" he whined, flopping over and pressing his forehead to the cool surface of the counter.

Haku reached up and gently patted his hand, frowning sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Naruto," he soothed, his gentle voice cooling the blonde's nerves. "But it shouldn't be so bad. Maybe you'll make a new friend, you're good at that."

"But I—"

"Wait!" Hidan sat up with a sudden jolt that caused Shisui to make a desperate grab for his latte before it got knocked over. "New friend? Has anybody talked to fuckin' Sasuke yet?"

"Aww, man!" Sakura mourned, dropping her head dramatically on Sasori's shoulder. "I was gonna tell him his sweater looked nice yesterday! It was like, wine-colored and it looked great with his skin. I totally forgot!"

Sasori patted her back. "It's fine," he deadpanned. "I forgot to do anything either."

Answering mumbles of, "Me, neither" rustled around the table, everyone looking some manner of frustrated or ashamed.

"Alright," Ino said, sitting up and pulling her notebook towards her. "Gaara, hand me that pen. Thanks. Okay, so, we're all gonna do one nice thing or another for him, and then when we introduce him to the group, he'll already like us. So... uh, Shisui! What are you gonna do?"

Silence was prominent for a few seconds, before Sakura spoke up. "Shisui, you're going to try and get into clothes design, right? You can tell him you like something he's wearing?"

"What if whatever he's wearing is ugly?"

"Compliment it anyway, un!" Deidara called. "Great, one down, a bunch left. Sakura, what you gon' do, un?"

"She can do an anonymous payment for his lunch! She just has to get there before him."

"I'm poor—"

"Awesome! Hidan?"

"I'll fuckin' teach him the new curse-word I made up!" he answered cheerfully, magenta eyes glinting with mischief. Kakuzu groaned. "Hidan. 'Scarkf' isn't a—"

"Kakuzu!" Shisui scolded immediately. "Watch your language!"

The miser grunted. "I give up."

"About time, un."

"Anywho," interrupted Ino. "Kakazu, what about you?"

About two hours later, they had all decided the plan for mission BS, which standed for Befriend Sasuke. ("Shut up Hidan, un!" Deidara had snapped. "Get your mind out of the gutter!")

Just as Naruto was herding everyone out and sticking the keys in the lock, his phone dinged in his pocket. As he opened the email, his keys clattered to the ground and his eyes widened.

"Guys?" he called softly, surprised when everyone turned around. "I think our plan just got a whole lot easier?"

"How come?"

"My new tutor, right?"

Haku gently touched his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Uh... my new tutor's... Sasuke Uchiha."


	3. "Fish cake or something"

Tutoring someone.

How the hell— Okay, Sasuke had no earthly idea how to tutor someone. Nor did he know how he even got on the list that said he _would_ tutor someone.

Was that a thing? He'd been homeschooled right until the year before they moved to America, fuck if he knew.

He always felt a bit of guilt for the _reason_ they'd moved, though he tried to supress his contempt as best he could. Kakashi and Itachi kind of avoided the subject anyway, so he figured they were either just disappointed about the move, or they were resentful towards him.

He hoped it was the former, but if it wasn't, he really couldn't blame them. It was his fault Itachi had to quit his job, which had been his favorite so far. He had been helping kids who had experienced previous trauma, gently guiding them through their lives and acting like... well, a big brother. Those kids had loved him almost as much as Sasuke did, and he'd loved them right back. They'd all cried when he said he had to go to America, and they'd all seen him off at the airport.

Sasuke remembered one little girl in particular. Anastasia had been stick-thin, with dirty blonde hair and thin skin that was spattered with freckles. She'd thrown her arms around Itachi's waist and squeezed as hard as she could, promising she wasn't going to cry.

Sasuke had watched the tears spill over her lashline as she was led away by Iruka.

Kakashi, because he was a stupid sacrificial idiot, had left behind the love of his life for Sasuke. Iruka was a sweet elementary school teacher with chestnut hair and pretty amber eyes, always smiling, always cheerful.

Sasuke hadn't liked him for a while, especially since Iruka made him _eat_ , and caught him when he tried cutting the food up into smaller pieces to make it look eaten. He wouldn't let Sasuke throw the food up in the bathroom either. Actually, his shoulders had kind of wilted, before he wrapped Sasuke up tight in a blanket and held his hand until the tears stopped.

Iruka had cried harder than Anastasia when he heard they were leaving, even though he pretended he hadn't. Instead, he kissed Sasuke on the forehead and told him he'd be okay, hugged Itachi and fiddled with the French braid he'd done for him in the car, and pressed tiny kisses all over Kakashi's face.

(Sasuke liked to pretend he hadn't heard the wet, heaving sobs he'd been suffering through the night before they left)

And how did Sasuke repay everyone for all their sacrifices for him?

He was being a bitch.

"Itachi, you don't understand. I don't know _who_ I'm tutoring, or _how_ I even got on the damn list!" he spat, voice bitter as he sat slumped over the bar seat at the counter. He recieved a light hair ruffle from his older brother, who was making repetitive thunking sounds as his knife hit the cutting board.

"I know, Otouto," answered Itachi, who had been hearing Sasuke complain about this same subject for thirty-seven minutes, exacty. (He'd been counting)

The chopping sounds stopped for a moment, water ran, and there was a soft rustling as the older Uchiha wiped his hands with a dish cloth. "But it really is easy. All you have to do is get an understanding of how the person you're tutoring learns things. Have you met the person?"

Sasuke shook his head, his face still pressed firmly into the counter. "I just know his name. Fish cake something." The name struck a nerve inside him, and he felt like he'd heard it before. Not that he knew when, he'd only been at the school for three days before he'd recieved the heads-up from Mr. Hashirama.

"Fish cake, hmm?" Itachi questioned. "Sounds interesting."

"You don't sympathize with my pain, Aniki."

There was a snort, then a sharp sensation on the back of his head whenn Itachi smacked him with a dish-towel. "Not really. I had to tutor some people in high-school, as you know. I gained a few good friends, and some extra credit."

"Yeah, and you're 'nice'. According to everybody back at home, I'm a wannabe-bitch, remember?"

The silence that lingered after that statement made Sasuke flinch internally. He knew Itachi hated that sort of language, but he hated it more when Sasuke sold himself short or repeated something he'd heard at his old school.

His older brother sighed, and Sasuke herad a soft clink as he put the knife down. "Sasuke," he said firmly, his voice low. "You know that isn't true."

Hesitation rippled across his mind, but he settled on grunting, "Sure."

"The people at your old school were wrong."

Sasuke swallowed around the stinging lump in his throat. "Okay."

Itachi sighed again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately, Sasuke realized, when he would settle in a chair with a groan on his lips or press his fingertips to the bridge of his nose, hefting a soft sound of disappointment, usually aimed at Sasuke. "Otouto. Will you please look at me?"

 _I don't want to see you looking at me like that._ However, he slowly lifted his chin, flashing his eyes briefly towards his brother before glueing his gaze back to the countertops below him.

But that didn't work at all, instead, Itachi reached out and gripped his chin with a thumb and forefinger, forcing him to stare directly into eyes the color of the darkest chocolate known to man.

"Much better," he said gently. "You know very well everyone at school were wrong about you, _right_?"

He couldn't really get that though. Every bitter word, biting intention, cold stare and derogatory term ripped into his brain like a searing poker, reminding him that who he _was_ and was striving to be was _wrong_.

"You were born either one way or the other, a dude or a chick," said one of his classmates one time. "And you can't change what you've got, so deal with it."

And here Itachi was, telling him everyone else wasn't right. "You are just as male as me and Kakashi," he said firmly. "Gender is a very tricky thing, Otouto, you know this. It's not as simple as it's made out to be."

Sasuke tried to pull away and shield the threatening tears, but Itachi held on tighter. "Whether you're a he, she, they, ze or anyone else, you're Sasuke, so me and Kakashi and Iruka all love you, okay?"

Right, Iruka. The guy who had to stay behind in Japan because Sasuke was getting bullied a little bit.

But he just nodded. "Okay," he said again, his voice verging on broken. Itachi walked around the counter and allowed Sasuke to climb off his stool and bury his face in the dress-shirt clad shoulder, probably ruining the fabric with his tears.

A warm hand was rubbing the back of his head, tangling in the soft black hair then soothing the knots when Kakashi came in. There was a pause, and Sasuke knew Itachi and Kakashi were probably doing the weird eye-conversations they had over his head a lot, before their gaurdian spoke.

"Everything okay?"

"Of course," Itachi answered, snickering a bit as Sasuke burrowed further into his arms. "Sas just has to tutor someone tomorrow, and he was looking for advice. And naturally, I missed my Otouto while he was at school."

"Tutoring?" Kakashi hummed. "Are they coming here? Do I have to clean?"

"You should clean anyway," Sasuke mumbled from Itachi's shoulder. "Your office is a pig-sty." He pulled away from his brother, informing him that he had to go get ready to tutor the baka who couldn't even pass Chemistry.

He earned himself a swat on the ass from Kakashi and a nuzzle on the top of his head from Itachi as he scurried upstairs.

* * *

The idiot was late.

He was fucking late for a tutoring session that would help him get into fucking college.

Sasuke was sitting in the massive school library, six different textbooks and notebooks for all the subjects Fish Cake was failing next to him. He had a stack of flashcards he had very carefully written, a few pages of notes he had nearly broken his wrist making, and a Starbucks black coffee floating somewhere on the huge table.

After all of his work, the idiot was late.

And then the doors were flung open and a flurry of pink, white, black and the scent of cherry-blossoms were diving through the doors, earning a firm scolding from the librarian.

A girl with a pink bob and mint-green eyes barrelled over to his table and slammed three different books on the table, her mouth moving as quickly as her papers that were fluttering to the floor.

"Hi! I'm Sakura, I'm one of Naruto's best friends but the idiot's fucking late because he totally forgot that he had to clean Jonothan's grill and he's coming but he asked me to bring some of his books so I did oh also I grabbed a Big Q from Quick Trip if you want some but you've already got tea and— Oh FUCK I'm so late! I love your outfit okay byeeeeeee— "

Then she was gone, leaving Sasuke with his mouth hung open and a 'Big Q' stuffed in his hands that were draped in his hoodie-sleeves.

He sat there, blinking, for a few seconds, completely confused, but his brain was mostly focusing on the fact that she thought he had tea instead of coffee. Maybe it was because he was Japanese or something.

He grunted, before pulling out his phone and opening the first app he came to.

The doors opened again twenty minutes later.

A tall guy with sunshine hair and ocean eyes walked up to Sasuke's table, looking not at all sheepish or nervoius, which he should be, considering he was thirty minutes late.

"Hey Sasuke," he said cheerfully, plopping another textbook on the table. "Sorry I'm late, I used Jonothathan's grill this weekend and _totally_ forgot to wipe it down! How are you?"

Sasuke couldn't answer. His lips were parted in shock, midnight eyes wide as he stared in complete disbelief at _Naruto._ Unfortunately, the only thing he choked out was, "Oh."

Then Naruto gave him another grin, blinding him by the white of his teeth. "Sooooo what are we studying?"

Another word was forced past Sasuke's throat. "Chemistry." Then he made himself talk more. "Chem first, you're failing it the hardest."

"Alrighty then, let's get started! We start with oxygen, right?"

Oh fucking hell, Naruto was such a fucking idiot.


	4. Sensory overload

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check me out on Wattpad @ How_about_NO2, where I also posted this story lol

Naruto was kind of... overwhelming.

He was loud, very loud, and bright and shiny and energetic. His excuse for all his energy was that he'd chugged a Red Bull before coming to tutoring, the he'd screwed his eyebrows up and got close to Sasuke's face.

"I have an extra one in my bag, if you want," he offered. "You look pretty sleepy."

The Uchiha blinked, eyes widening in surprise as Naruto lifted a hand and gently grazed his fingers right beneath Sasuke's lower lashes, ghosting against the dark circles stamped underneath his eyes. "Did you not sleep well last night?"

That was when Sasuke discovered that the Uzumaki was also very _touchy_.

He seemed to try to nudge shoulders with Sasuke a lot, and 'accidentally' brushed their hands together whenever he could. Every time he did, he'd turn to Sasuke with a stupid smile, all bright and flashy happiness that made his stomach flop.

Maybe he was getting sick.

Naruto also spoke without thinking at _all_ , which took Sasuke for a turn. One hour into their session, he reached over and flicked something off his shoulder, grinning again and saying, "You're cute as hell, you know, but you're cut _er_ when you don't have a moth on your shoulder."

That had caused Sasuke's entire face to errupt in a rosy flush, bright pink furling down his neck and fringing his ears as he sat speechless.

Or the time Naruto had paused in the middle doing his math, or pretending to, and poked Sasuke on his pointed nose. "You're really pretty," he'd announced, which of course made the pink flush down Sasuke's body again, though he scowled this time.

But Naruto was pretty too.

He had big, ocean-blue eyes with flecks of silver swimming in his irises, and thick black lashes that looked like they had been laved in mascara, even though Sasuke could tell they were natural. His lips were always tucked up into some sort of smile, whether it was confused or just genuinely happened, and his skin was dewy and well-rested (Unlike Sasuke's) And _damn_ , his shoulders were broad and his tanned arms were thickly corded and muscular.

Yeah okay, pretty wasn't the right word. Just insanely attractive or ridiculously hot.

Wait what.

But Naruto wasn't as stupid as everyone said he was. No, not the brightest, but Sasuke didn't think that people were teaching him the best way for _his_ brain. For example: He didn't do very well by just reading the information. He had to hear it at least twice, come up with a memory trick and provide an example before it was really locked in. But once he got it, he _got it_ , and didn't have to be reminded again.

He really liked the flashcards, and he said he loved them because of the tiny little characters Sasuke had doodled on the lines when he was waiting for the idiot to get to the library.

When they were done, Naruto slammed his pencil down on the paper-covered table, probably denting the wood in his enthusiasm. "Awesome, thanks Sasuke! You're the best, I think I might actually pass midterms, with you helping me! When are we meeting next?"

Sasuke paused, feeling hot and flustered when Naruto's energy was poised and directed completely at him. He gulped, and grounded himself by pressing his palms on the cool, flat surface of the table and focusing his eyes on his hands. "Mm... my house, Saturday at ten," he finally muttered, congratulating himself mentally for not stuttering or anything nervous-sounding like that.

"Saturday!?" Naruto squawked, blue eyes widening in horror. "You want me to do _homework_ on SATURDAY!?"

The Uchiha blinked, confusion rippling over his features. "Yes? What else would we do during the weekend?"

"Uh... _party_?"

Sasuke actually snorted when he heard that, trying not to laugh too hard as he stuffed books and notes into his bag, handing Naruto the flashcards so he could review them again later. "And who's party would I go to?" he asked sardonically, a smirk tilting his lips.

Naruto barked out a laugh. "Uhh, the one Kiba's hosting?" As if it was obvious.

Sasuke pursed his lips primly, slingling his backpack over one shoulder and turning back to the blonde. "I've never been to a party in my life. You'll be skipping Kiba's party on Saturday, because we'll be studying. I'll send you my address." He decided to skip mentioning that he'd never heard of Kiba before, either.

The blonde blinked once, then smiled again, flashing teeth brigher than the sun at Sasuke. "Sure thing! I'll bring snacks!"

The Uchiha frowned, pinching a bit at his thigh. "Um... sure." He wouldn't eat them anyway, but Naruto could have as many as he wanted to, as long as he kept looking at Sasuke like that.

Wait what.

"Let's just... go," he muttered, tossing the Big Q cup in the trash can by the doors on the way out of the library, and trying to ignore the sunshine-bright smile and the sapphire-tinted eyes behind him.

The walk to the exit was pretty quiet, but Sasuke felt kind of conflicted. He felt like the walls were pressing in on him, like the floor was quicksand. His binder was squeezing his lungs too tight, and the strands of hair dangling in front of his eyes was greying out his vision. Flashes of the blonde's smile was skimming across his vision, even as he stroked his eyes across every poster in the hallway to get it out of his mind.

In the hallway, Naruto gave a quick wave behind his shoulder as the school doors slammed shut behind him.

Sasuke pressed his back against the wall, using his slight weight to slide down until his behind met the floor. Inhaling slowly, he burried his face in his knees, because _wow_ today was a _lot_.

Honestly, it wasn't, he was just overwhelmed too easily. Naruto's grin, eyes, personality and brightness, his happiness and every inch of his tanned, toned skin was stamped into Sasuke's brain like an address on an envelope.

There was a soft sound beside him and he snapped his head up, only to find a boy about his age with mocha hair down to his hips sliding down the wall next to him. His lips tilted into a sweet smile, the corners of his almond-shaped eyes winging out like eyeliner.

"Hi," he said. "I'm Haku. Are you okay?"

Sasuke blinked, his hands fisting in the too-loose material of his jeans. "I'm fine," he spat quickly. Probably a little too quickly, honestly. "What are you doing here? It's after hours."

"Ah, I forgot to grab something out of my locker, and since it's Friday, I decided It couldn't wait until tomorrow. What about you?" His voice wasn't defensive or intrusive at all, unlike Sasuke's tone which he'd demanded to know.

"Tutoring a moron," he grunted, trying to keep his face as hidden as possible, and was genuinely surprised when Haku laughed.

"Yes, Naruto _can_ be a bit of a moron, but he's sweet as can be. He won't give up on his studies either, so that should make things easier." Then he paused, scratching at his cheek. "He's probably one of the best friends you'll ever have."

Sasuke scoffed. He would have gotten up right then and did the 'dramatically storming away' move he usually did when Itachi pissed him off, but his legs felt like jelly and his lungs hurt like hell. "I'm not trying to be his friend," he snapped. "I just have to get him through midterms, and get the extra credit for it."

Haku hummed. "Yeah, a lot of people say stuff like that. I think Neji and you would get along splendidly."

Sasuke just huffed and burried his head in his knees again, and when Haku put a hand on his shoulder, he didn't feel obliged to shake it off. He actually kind of leaned into the touch, muttering that he didn't really get along with anybody.

Haku hummed again, and said softly, "Well, I'd be delighted to try and 'get along' with you. Naruto probably won't leave you alone until you agree to be friends and make a secret handshake, either."

A shudder jolted through Sasuke's chest when he mumbled, voice muted, "Why did you come over here?"

Haku chuckled a little, throwing his arm fully around the Uchiha's shoulders. "You looked like you needed a friend," he answered honestly, snickering again when Sasuke repeated that he didn't want anything like that.

However, when he got home, he was pretty excited to tell Itachi about his new friends.

* * *

The sight he saw the second he entered his door kind of made his eyes sting and his heart thud faster in his chest.

His brother was pressed against a counter, arms wrapped around a large man's neck with his mouth moving furiously against the other guy's lips. Large, tanned hands were planted firmly on his brother's slender hips, fingers kneading the firm skin while he sucked on Itachi's tongue.

Sasuke had rarely felt more out of place in his life, and he was sure the only time topping this moment was before he'd transitioned. Should he interrupt them? Tell them the oven was smoking? Tell Kakashi that his charge was making out in the kitchen? Demand to know who the hell the guy kissing his brother was?

He settled on trying to sneak out of the kitchen, knowing that he could tell Itachi about his new friends later. But of course, because his brother was a fucking ninja or something, he noticed the second Sasuke tried to move.

He jerked away from the mystery man, their disconnection causing a loud smacking noise to echo around the kitchen as he stared, horrified, at his little brother. Sasuke flinched, the soft whisper in the back of his head reminding him of all of Itachi's relationships he'd ruined before. An image of little Anastasia, tears falling like crystal droplets as she'd screamed for Itachi to come back scrolled through his head.

Way to go, Sasuke, just ruin his brother's life, why didn't he.

He gulped, sweeping a piece of hair behind his ears with trembling fingertips. "Sorry, Aniki," he whispered finally, the tension so thick in the room it would have taken a steak knife to cut through it.

Itachi immediately pulled away, looking sheepish and totally unaware of Sasuke's inner turmoil. His fingers began to twist together, a sure sign that he was nervous. "Ah... this is Kisame, Sasuke."

When everything was still quiet, he elbowed the guy hard in the ribcage.

"Uh... hey, youngest Uchiha." Kisame's voice was deep, but gentle, and he seemed just as awkward as Itachi. He ran his fingers through his floof of blue-deyed hair, long on the top, short on the sides. "Nice to meet you, 'Tachi talks about you all the time."

Sasuke'e eyes widened, and the man was quick to backpeddle. "All good things! Just that you're super smart and like soccer." Silence reigned again, until Itachi broke it with an awkward clear of his throat.

"Let's order takeout and explain some stuff... I think we burned the pizza, 'Same."

The youngest Uchiha laughed a little bit, tugging nervously on a few strands of his raven hair. "Yeah, that sounds good."

This just got a whole lot more... interesting.


	5. He's tempermental, but he's cool

"Sooo how was tutoring Sasuke?" Sakura cooed, leaning heavily on the counter directly in front of Naruto, who was busy barista-ing. The blonde snorted at her, reaching up and tugging lightly at her hair, causing her to scowl and swat at his hands.

"He was pretty cool," he answered with a shrug, writing down her order and adding a scone because he knew she hadn't eaten breakfast. "Pretty shy, a little tempermental, but cool."

She hummed a little and tried to get him to keep talking, so he arched a brow and gestured to the line behind her. "Sakura, I love you, but there's a pretty long line behind you, honey."

"Come on, Naruto! We know everybody in line, they won't care!"

Hidan, however, didn't seem to agree. "Move it, bitch!" he snapped. "I came for caffeine, and I'm gonna fucking get it!"

"Fuck you!"

"That's what I have 'Kuzu for!"

Kakuzu smacked Hidan on the back of his head, glaring when the zealot let out a loud whine and grumbled that 'Kuzu didn't love him anymore. Which of course, because even though the miser was kind of a bastard, made him frown and allow Hidan to cling to him like a parasite and shove his face between his pecs.

They hobbled up to the counter, Kakuzu with a slightly-less-than-usual murderous glare on his face and Hidan snuggled into his chest. "You know the drill," he grunted, raising a hand to stroke over the silver-haired man's head.

"Yep!" Naruto answered, chipper. "One large iced chai tea and a peppermint mocha. $7.67." He smirked a little, leisurely leaning against the counter. "Wanna round up to eight bucks and save starving children in Africa?"

"No. Give me my change," Kakuzu snapped, handing over a ten.

Naruto laughed, digging through the register for the right change, printing the reciept and handing it all over. "Your change, good sir. Gonna count it in front of me again?" Kakuzu arched a brow. "Should I? Or did you give me exactly two dollars and thirty three cents?"

"Yeah, yeah. Shoo."

Deidara ordered two iced latte's, babbling on his phone and mouthing, "Keep the change" before he scurried off to sit with Sasori at their designated table. Ino and Sai waltzed up and bought the usual chocolate glazed sprinkled donut and one large iced water.

Gaara mumbled that he wanted a baguette, and Lee ordered the same, but in a loud, boisterous voice and an obnoxious French accent that made the redhead flush down to his toes when everyone in the coffee shop turned to stare.

Shisui mumbled his order of an iced latte and a shot of vodka with half lidded, red rimmed eyes.

Haku walked up, clinging to Zabuza's arm with a bright smile. "Two latte's, but make mine with the kitten latte art," he said, handing over a twenty.

When everyone had ordered, Naruto waited somewhat patiently at the counter, twiddling his thumbs and trying not to fiddle with his phone. Usually, he wasn't tempted to use it during work at all, but today was different.

Neji and Shikamaru had said they'd be coming to the cafe early because the Hyuuga wanted to get out of the house, but Naruto hadn't seen a glimpse of them. He was eager to just grab his phone and shoot of a quick text, but he refrained. Everyone else had already tried, and reported back with nervous eyes that they hadn't answered.

He took a few other people's orders, watching his coworker make the drinks while he fiddled with his fingernails.

An hour later, still nothing.

Then the bell on top of the door rang, and Shikamaru walked in with a heavy arm draped around Neji's shoulders, which was strange, since the Hyuuga _hated_ PDA. Shikamaru looked bone tired, his half-lidded eyes tired, with a heavy exhaustion that seemed painful.

Neji, however, was way worse.

His pearlescent eyes were misted over with a dead expression, shadows clinging to his lower lashline. His skin was pale and gaunt, which was already strange in itself, because Neji followed a very strict skincare routine. His hair was limp and scraggly, pulled into a simple side-ponytail. His nose was cherry-red because of the blistering wind that was howling directly outside the coffee shop's warmth.

Shikamaru gently led him over to the table everyone had congregated at, pressing his forehead against Neji's before he moved over to the counter.

"What happened?" Naruto demanded instantly, leaning forward and gripping Shikamaru's bicep with a firm hand. "Are you guys okay?" He had a weird feeling that their relationship was fine, but there was an underlying sensation of pure _terror_ that told him that something was horribly wrong with Neji.

Shikamaru just grunted, scratching at the back of his neck and risking a glance over at their table, where Neji was still sitting with a blank look on his face. Sakura was holding onto one of his hands with a concerned, scared look on her face, and Ino was carefully untangling his hair and braiding it down his back.

Sure, braiding his hair might seem like a stupid, girly thing to do, but Naruto knew Neji calmed down immensely when someone was touching him or fiddling with his coffee-colored tresses.

"His Uncle won custody of him," Shikamaru muttered finally, his voice shaky and broken. "He's gonna make him move back with him in 48 hours."

Of course, the only thing Naruto could think of to say was, "Hiashi lives in New York."

A sheen of glistening wetness washed over Shikamaru's eyes, and he dragged the back of his hands acrossed his shuttered lid. "I know," he choked out. "Neji's freaking out. So am I, we don't know what to _do_."

Naruto flicked his gaze over to his coworker, quickly saying, "I'm taking a break. Cover for me?"

She shurgged, walking over to the counter while he hurried over to everyone at the table. It was slow anyway.

Even Hidan was looking scared now, his magenta eyes glinting with a hint of concern as he tried to reach out and hold onto Neji in any way he could. However, everyone moved quickly when they saw Shikamaru coming over.

The Nara sat down beside the frozen boy, draping an arm around his waist so Neji could bury his nose in his neck, soft breaths puffing against his skin. Shikamaru lifted his free hand, stroking over the strands of hair Ino hadn't caught in his braid, gently brushing them behind his ear while Naruto softly explained the situation.

Neji was trying to be indifferent, everyone could tell, so nobody mentioned anything when he let out a little half-sob in the middle of the explination.

When Naruto was finished, Sakura let out a wet, broken sound and swiped at the tears with one hand, reaching the other out to clasp the Hyuuga's free one. Slowly but surely, everyone slowly extended their hands, placing it over Neji's hand or whoever had touched him last's.

Even Zabuza, who looked kind of awkward, seemed like he'd certainly wanted to be part of making Neji's life a little easier, even if only for an hour or so.

* * *

After thirty minutes of absolute silence, Deidara mumbled that he had to go, but he made sure to hug the Hyuuga before he and Sasori both left.

One by one, everyone else had to leave, but they were sure to hug Neji and tell him they'd see him again soon, and Shisui gave Shikamaru a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder on his way out the door.

Eventually, only Naruto, Shikamaru and Neji were left at the table, and the Hyuuga finally let go of the vice grip he had on his brain. He let out a loud sob, his shoulders trembling as he heaved into the Nara's chest.

"I thought I finally found home," he admitted, his voice a soft whisper. He was talking to both of them, but it was obvious he was aiming his words mostly at Shikamaru "Even before I met you, I thought I'd missed you the whole time I was alone, somehow. And then I wasn't alone anymore."

Naruto brushed away his own tears, resting his head on Neji's shoulder. "You aren't alone, now, either," he said firmly. "You aren't going to be gone for forever."

"I don't wanna be gone at all," he mumbled, his face stil cushioned by Shika's chest. "I know that sounds weird. I wanna stay. I don't... I _can't_ go back. Don't make me go back, please." His voice was trembling, and it actually hurt Naruto's heart to listen to.

He just gripped Neji's hand harder. "It'll be okay," he said firmly. "We're going to figure it out."

He didn't tell Neji that Shikamaru had been weeping silently the whole time.

* * *

Naruto took an extra shift that night, to keep his mind off things and to make up for his two hour break.

It was a nightshift though, so it was honestly pretty quiet. Until the bell let out a cheery jingle at about 9:30, and he looked up, very surprised at who he saw.

Sasuke Uchiha was standing there, fiddling with his bag a little bit with an impertinent look on his aristochratic face. He pursed his lips, which made Naruto smile a tiny bit. "What time do you close?" he asked primly.

"Uh... midnight? It says so on the door."

"Of course it does," Sasuke scoffed. "I was just checking that you remembered." Then he plunked his bag down on the table nearest to the furnace on the far wall, and walked over to the counter.

Naruto watched him survey his options, then watched with confusion as his eyes darkened a little. "I just want an ice-water," he finally said. "Ah... does that... cost anything? I have money, I have to buy something to stay in here, right?"

The blonde just waved a hand, his mind too loud to keep up with protocols. "Nah, you're good. It's a quiet night anyway." More like a dead night, there wasn't a single person in the shop.

Sasuke breathed a soft sigh of relief, shoved his little wallet in his back pocket and walked over to his table to set out his things, and _no_ Naruto was absolutely not looking at his ass as he moved away.


	6. What did you just call me?!

Sasuke had been anxiously tapping his fingers for the past thirty seconds, a rythmical thunk, thunk, thunk against the wooden table. His pretty dark eyes were narrowed, lashes shuttered as he fixed his gaze firmly on the book he was reading.

Naruto couldn't really blame him though.

The Uchiha seemed anxious, and Naruto knew every person dealt with different ticks when their head was being loud in order to focus on something else. He himself liked to listen to other people's problems and help them through their issues so his seemed less gripping. Neji's tears and Shikamaru's fear were still imprinted in his mind, so naturally, he figured talking to Sasuke and getting himself out of his head would be a win-win situation.

Glancing quickly through the glass counter before him, he paid for a bright pink cake-pop with a swipe of his card and made his way over to his tutor's table.

Sasuke lifted his head up immediately when he heard Naruto approaching, and he quickly snapped his book shut, a scowl planted on his pretty face. Naruto smiled and set the little plate down, sitting down in the seat across from him.

"Hey," he said, knowing his voice was probably uncharacteristically soft. "You okay?"

When he had first tried to talk to Gaara, the redhead had snapped at him, eyes narrowed to deadly turqoise slits. He'd been brutal when trying to chew Naruto out, saying he was just trying to get something out of him. It had taken kind of a while for the blonde to get to a good, healthy friendship. His first real breaking point, however, had been when Naruto tried to be gentle instead of boisterous and loud.

Gaara had really opened up then, and actually let Naruto introduce him to the friend group.

The blonde cleared his throat, gesturing to the cake-pop. "I grabbed you a snack," he offered. "I bought it, so don't worry about paying for it."

Sasuke stared, incredulous, at the snack in front of him, looking slightly torn. His tiny hand disappeared under the table for a second, then reappeared and flattened itself out on the table. Another scowl bloomed on his face, and he turned his head.

"I had a big dinner," he muttered. "I'll throw up if I eat anything else."

Naruto paused, scratching the back of his neck. "You sure?" Sasuke looked awfully thin. His wrists seemed like Naruto could curl his fingers around them twice, and if he was to wrap his hands around his waist, his fingertips would probably touch.

The Uchiha blinked, eyes still trained on the cake-pop. "I'm sure." But his voice was carefully calculated, slow and regretful. Smiling, the blonde pushed the plate closer to the guy across from him.

"I'll make you a deal," he offered slyly. "You eat it, and if you throw up, I'll hold your hair back when you're hurling and pay you the money for the cake-pop."

"I'm on a diet."

Naruto raised his eyebrows; with Sasuke's slender shoulders and thin hips, he was positive that it wasn't healthy for him to be trying to lose any weight. "Dude. You're literally so tiny. Your hoodie's falling off of you, so whatever diet you're on better be getting you some muscle mass or adding more carbs or something."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, muttering, "Whatever," but Naruto wasn't taking that. "I'm serious," he insisted. "You don't need to be on a diet, that isn't good for you right now. Are you hungry? You should eat something."

Ah, curse his heart for worrying too much about his friends. Or acquaintances, in Sasuke's case.

Unfortuantely, the Uchiha's eyes were glued fixedly to the table, clearly trying to avoid Naruto's searching gaze.

He groaned a little, rubbing at a red cheek with his calloused palm. Fuck, today had been too much shit for him to handle. Without thinking, he reached out and closed his hand around Sasuke's tiny little wrist.

"Hey," he said gently, flinching when Sasuke yanked his wrist away from him and held it protectively against his chest. "I'm sorry, I know we don't know each other very well. But you're seriously at a good weight, if not a little under. If you're hungry, eat, 'kay?"

The Uchiha muttered his consent, reaching out with a careful hand and closing his slender fingers around the stick of the cake-pop. He raised it to his mouth and was about to close his lips around it, when he suddenly gagged and jerked away from it, clamping a free hand over his mouth.

Okay, shit, maybe he had been right when he said he would throw up.

"Woah, woah!" Naruto yelped, leaping up and tugging the snack from Sasuke's non-occupied hand. The Uchiha heaved on nothing for a second, his hand still pressed firmly to his mouth. "You're okay, you're good," he said quickly, resisting the primal urge to rub Sasuke's bony back.

He waited until the Uchiha was finished before moving back to his seat. A few seconds of silence passed, but then Naruto broke it.

"What was that?" he asked gently.

Sasuke flashed him a furious glare, snatched up his bag, and stormed out of the shop.

* * *

Neji's anxiety was taking a turn for the worst as Sunday, the day he was leaving, grew closer and closer. He always stayed close to one of his friends, tucking his head into Shikamaru's neck, pressing his shoulder snugly against Naruto's or allowing Sakura to link arms with him.

He was quiet in class, forcing all of his focus into his school work, even though he would be changing schools once he got to New York. He didn't eat much, usually just fiddling slilently with his food until they were told to go to their next class, even when Deidara offered to give him all of the mashed potatoes he'd scavanged. He didn't hardly talk at all, choosing to shrug when asked questions or only answer with yes or no.

On Saturday, Ino called him and informed him everyone wanted to come over to spend their last day with Neji, to which he instantly agreed.

Unfortunately, while he was out gathering snacks and crappy horror movies, he remembered that _Sasuke_ was tutoring him today.

"Fuck!" he hissed bitterly, snagging his phone back out of his pocket and smashing the numbers to the Uchiha's number into the keypad (NO he had NOT memorized the number) and held the device to his ear.

He answered in three rings, his voice slightly groggy as he mumbled a sleepy, "Hello?" It was nine in the morning on a Saturday, after all.

"Sasuke! Morning!"

"What do you want."

"Geez, somebody's grumpy. Wake up man, the early bird gets the worm!"

Sasuke sneezed into the reciever (Gosh, he had a little kitten sneeze), and snuffled sleepily. "The eary bird can have the worm because worms are gross and mornings are stupid," he snapped, though his voice was drowsy and very much not threatening.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, ah, my friends are coming over today, like, right now, and I totally forgot about our session. Do you think we could switch it?"

"Baka," Sasuke muttered, not that Naruto knew what that meant. "Um... hold on a second." He heard a muffled clang, then voices returned from far away, like Sasuke was having a conversation away from Naruto.

"Itachi?"

"Mm, yes, Otouto?" The voice wasn't Sasuke, but it seemed softer and gentler, a lot more mellow then Naruto's tutor. Strangely enough though, it had a slightly threatening undertone that warned he wasn't one to be fucked with.

"Um... Naruto made other plans, so can we switch the session to another day?" Geez, the youngest Uchiha sounded a whole lot different when he was talking to this Itachi guy. Whenever he had a regular conversation with Naruto, he was cold and detached, but now he sounded kind of nervous.

"Give me the phone for a second, will you, Otouto?"

_FUCK, what did I do, this Itachi guy's gonna kill me, oh shit damn it what did I do—_

"Hello, Naruto."

"HELLO," he squeaked out, his voice unnecissarily high and probably terrified. "Um... sorry I cancelled the tutoring thingy, but my friend's having a really rough day and he kind of needs a bunch of us to hang out with him because he's leaving forever on Sunday which is _tomorrow_ and we're all super concerned so—!"

"Relax, Naruto," Itachi scolded, the sound of bacon sizzling in the background growing stronger. "I was wondering if Sasuke could go over there with you. You see, I myself had plans today too, and my Otouto absolutely cannot be around for the duration of said plans."

"Plannin' a birthday party or something?" Naruto asked cheerfully, snatching a bag of chips and ignoring the loud, "WHAT?!" from Sasuke in the background.

"Or something," Itachi answered, his voice flat as a sheet of drywall. "If he interferes with anything, he can just sit somewhere in the house by himself. He tends to do that a lot anyway. Is that alright with you?"

"No, Aniki! Not alright!"

"No problem!" Naruto assured him. "We're just gonna sit around and watch a bunch of shitty— Uh... crappy movies, but he can totally come. Just gonna warn him though, Neji's gonna be super sad, and he's not allowed to say anything mean or else Hidan'll probably deck him. That cool with you?"

"Yes, whatever gets him out of the house for a bit. Otouto, go get some of your books, please. After Naruto's friends leave, you'll still do the session."

Sasuke let out a high-pitched whine. "Aniki, _no_ —"

"Don't argue with me, please," Itachi huffed, his voice tinged with exasperation. "We've been in town for a few months now, and you still haven't met anyone you're compatible with. You need to make some friends."

"I don't need _friends_ , I'm doing just fine talking to inanimate objects."

"That's no way to live. Go pack your things and don't make me ask again, or else I'll ask Kakashi."

"Going now."

"Good boy."

Naruto laughed, smiling brightly at the check-out lady while she rung up his items. "You two sound pretty close. You his brother?"

Itachi sounded fond when he asnwered, "Yes."

"Cool! Wait, quick question, you can translate from English to Japanese, right?"

Itachi hummed, so Naruto took that as a yes. "What do baka, otowto and aniki mean?"

The older Uchiha snickered. "It's pronounced, "Otouto", firstly. Baka is the English equivelent of 'moron', Otouto means little brother and Aniki means older brother. Is that what you were asking?"

"Yeah! That's so cool, are you like, fluent in Japanese? Wait, SASUKE CALLED ME A MORON?! LITTLE BASTARD!"

"Well I did live there for twenty plus years before I came to America. And yes, my Otouto can be a bastard, can't he?" Itachi laughed again.

"Yeah! How do I get back at him!?"

"Next time you see him, I want you to call him a teme. Understood?"

"Tem-eh?"

"Very close, listen carefully. Teme."

"Teme?"

"Yes."

"Cool! What's it mean?" Naruto asked as he loaded his bags in the car. "Um..." Itachi hesitated, sounding like he didn't actually want to tell him. "If you go to Japan, don't ever repeat it. But I'm asking you, as a favor, to call Sasuke that and take a picture of his face. Send it to me."

"Yes sir! But I don't have your number?"

"I'll get it to you, don't worry."

A muffled, "Aniki, get off the phone with that baka!" was heard, along with a soft clunking as Sasuke hopped down the stairs. But now that he knew what that meant, Naruto wasn't about to take it.

"DON'T CALL ME A MORON, TEME!"

There was a pause, but Naruto could hear Itachi snickering in the phone, muttering something along the lines of, "Your face, oh, Otouto...", but then Sasuke absoulutely _exploded_ , his voice furious and bordering on insane.

"THE _FUCK_ DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?"

This time though, Itachi interfered, right as Naruto collapsed in the passenger seat, absolutely cackling. "Sasuke Uchiha. If you ever repeat that word again, you are _so—"_

 _"You_ taught him didn't you?!"

Naruto hung up the phone, dropping it in his pocket, smirking.


	7. Steak knives and friendship bracelets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a tad less PG than the others, but only a bit. Please heed the rating! Oh, also I changed Shisui's last name bc if they were related in this fic it would be awkward and hard to explain. Sorry for any confusion!

"Aniki, _please_ don't make me go," Sasuke groaned, his head pressed snugly in his arms as he draped himself dramatically over the table. Itachi, who was sitting at the other side with his breakfast, reached over and buried his hands in his fluffy hair.

"You need to go," he said firmly. "It's important for you to see how functional friend groups work."

Sasuke just moaned again, keeping his face hidden. "I don't want friends. I don't need friends to get into college."

"Who doesn't need friends?" Kakashi asked, stepping into the kitchen with his cell-phone held in one hand. From the slight frown on his usually cheerful face and the slight droop of his eyes, Sasuke could tell he'd just spoken to Iruka. Itachi must have been able to tell too, because his firm features softened.

"Sasuke thinks he doesn't need to make friends to be successful in life," Itachi answered. "Which is ridiculous, of course, and now he's trying to avoid going to see Naruto and his friends. Now go change, Otouto, please. You're going to be late, and you are _not_ going out like that in this weather." His voice was slightly scolding as he surveyed his little brother's outfit, which was just a tanktop and shorts, but Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"There isn't a set time to meet."

" _Go._ "

"Kakashi won't make me!"

"Who said that?" their guardian questioned, leaning on the table with an arched silver brow. "I thought you would have wanted to go. You've only known this blonde guy for three days, and you talk about him more than anyone else on the planet."

"Yeah. Because he's a stupid fish-cake usuratonkachi and I hate him," he muttered. Yeah, he hated those infuriatingly blue eyes and his disgusting corded muscles and his pretty, _pretty_ smile.

Sasuke hated how his own body was still small and slender compared to Naruto's sparkling... well, just his entire being and personality was beaming and gorgeous. Even after going on T, Sasuke had stayed slim, but his muscles had grown more defined and he'd practically shot up in height, plus his libido had increased by a _lot_.

But when his sex drive had heightened, he hadn't been sure what to do. He didn't have a lover, nor did he plan on getting one anytime soon, but he absolutely _hated_ looking at his body long enough to take care of the aching between his legs. He always flinched at the swell of his plump chest and the flatness of his crotch, but his engorged clit throbbed so painfully he hadn't known what to do.

He'd spent many a night sobbing into his pillow, a hand digging crescent-shaped indents into his cheek while he thrust his fingers frantically into his trembling and soaked sex, muffling his cries by tightening his throat and burying his face into the stuffed dinosaur Iruka bought him when he was four. He always felt bad afterwards, staring at his slickened hand in horror, weeping into his damp bedsheets until morning arrived.

Sasuke blinked back into the present with a slight jolt, rolling his eyes at the smirk and raised eyebrows on Itachi and Kakshi's faces.

"Mm, fantasizing, Otouto?"

His cheeks bloomed red, black eyes darting up to glare at his older brother. "No!"

"Aww, 'Tachi, our little Sasu has his first crush..." crooned Kakashi, and Itachi pretended to wipe away a tear. Sasuke rolled his eyes again. "Shut it! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go change my clothes."

He ignored their laughing from behind him as he thudded his way up the stairs.

* * *

As he left the house though, he called back, "Use protection, Aniki!" And revelled in the loud shriek and the burst of red across the bridge of his brother's nose, along with the loud, "Excuse me? Itachi, are you not telling me something?" from Kakashi as the door slapped shut behind him.

Naruto's house was surprisingly close to his own, so it was easy to walk to, even with the blustery winter air and the lack of caffeine in his system.

There were several cars lined up in the driveway, which of course caused the anxiety to knot in his stomach as his knuckles grazed the door in a soft knock. The hinges squeaked as it swung open, revealing long, messy blonde hair and cerulean eyes, lined thickly with black liner.

The guy was dressed sloppily in sweatpants and a thick red hoodie that was too big for him, and it was either running makeup or black circles stamped beneath his tired, pink eyes. He was nursing a cup of coffee in a chipped green mug.

"Hey, Sasuke, right?" he mumbled, his voice surprisingly low for his feminine appearance. Sasuke cleared his throat, nodding awkwardly. "Um... yeah," he muttered, adjusting the strap of his messanger bag over his shoulder.

"Cool. I'm Deidara. Come on in, but uh... quick warning." He tugged on Sasuke's arm, which made him distinctly uncomfortable, but he didn't mention it. "See that guy?" He pointed to a teen with long brown hair, who was pressed into another guy with shorter brown hair pulled up into a spiky ponytail. The one with longer hair looked hurt, but strangely blank, his eyes completely dry while his lips trembled.

Deidara continued, "He's going to be going to New York for a long time tomorrow, so we're all trying to take care of him before he goes, okay? So if you're gonna be a bitch, you don't need to be here."

The last time someone had called Sasuke a bitch, they had been degrading him and trying to bring him down further than he already was. Deidara just seemed to be warning him not to have a bad attidude.

"Okay. I'm probably just gonna sit and read or... something. Sorry for the intrusion."

"You're good. C'mon, usually we just watch a bunch of shitty movies and eat junk food until Sai has to take his lactose pill and Gaara passes out." He said that in such a cheery tone that Sasuke almost didn't register that if this Sai person didn't take his lactose pill he would probably be seriously sick for a while.

Deidara dragged him into the living room, giving him a nudge towards the nearest empty LazyBoy before dropping into a serious looking redhead's lap. "Aight, everyone introduce yourself to Sasuke!" he called, then slapped his chair's chest. "Danna, say hi. Then we'll go around in a circle and say our names and say the first thing that comes to mind, whether it be a food or a subject or anything."

After a roll of his chestnut eyes, the redhead muttered, "Sasori Akasuna. Puppets."

"Shisui Suzuki. Salad bowls." Huh.

"Kakazu. Money." Well that was easy...

"Hidan Neko, fucker. Uh... shit... hm... steak knives?" Mm, okay then.

"Sakura Haruno, cherries. I believe we've met." Oh yeah, he remembered her.

"Ino Yamanaka! Uh... the new Morphe pallette!" What was it with all the loud blondes in his life?

"Sai. I like the Ninja Turtles." Ah, lactose intolerent guy.

"Rock Lee! Youthfulness comes to my mind! Lovely to make your acquaintence!" Yeah, he wasn't gonna mess with that.

"Gaara... sandcastles." He seemed shy.

"Haku Yuki, snowflakes. Nice to see you again, Sasuke." Oh right, this guy and his huge, scary-looking body guard next to him, who just grunted, "Zabuza Momochi." He looked to the side briefly, his eye catching on a picture of a little blonde boy with a bright smile. "Picture frames."

"Naruto Uzumuki! Um... probably friendship bracelettes?" Mm, typical.

"Shikamaru Nara," introduced the teen with spiky hair, foregoing the first thing that came to mind. He swept a glance down at the person snuggled into his side, and pursed his lips a little. "This guy right here's Neji Hyuuga." The warning in his cinder eyes clearly stated, "Be nice", and Sasuke was going to be.

"Nice to meet you," he mumbled quietly. He really did hate to be the center of attention. "Don't forget your name and the first thing that comes to mind," Haku encouraged, smiling sweetly.

"Sasuke Uchiha," he continued, voice still low, and took the same tactic as Zabuza, sweeping his gaze around the room until it caught on the TV and the film playing, the menu displayed over the screen. "The Bee Movie."

Then he sat down and buried his face in his books, trying to block out the loud voices as everyone greeted him brightly and returned to whatever they were doing previously.

He caught Naruto's little smile, giving a shy wave back and then shoving his face back in his book.

* * *

Twelve hours later, five shitty movies, eight rounds of Mario Kart and eight two-litres of soda, a few sloppy kisses exchanged between certain people and hidden sobs later, it was time for everyone to go.

Sasuke felt like he was intruding on a moment between best friends, as he and Zabuza stood awkwardly in the corner.

There was a long black limo waiting outside, and it was apparently going to bring the Hyuuga to his home so he could finish packing and get some rest.

Both of the girls, Naruto and Deidara were swiping the tears away with greasy fingers, trying to muffle their cracking voices with shaky smiles and trembling hands as they stumbled around by the entryway, all trying to suck up the courage to say goodbye to Neji.

Hidan was gnawing on his lip like it had personally assaulted him, at the same time holding one of Kakuzu's hand in an iron grip, his other hand clutching at the Hyuuga's bicep. Kakuzu himself was allowing the blood to be squeezed from his fingers, the other hand placed gently on Neji's shoulder.

Shisui's eyeliner was smeared messily, one arm gently resting around Shikamaru's in a silent offer of comfort.

Deidara was weeping into Sasori's neck, the redhead stroking his hair and also standing as a silent pillar of strength to be there for his friends. Ino was crying and Sai was trembling slightly, a shaky smile planted on his lips. Lee was sobbing, Gaara was breathing harshly, and Naruto was holding Neji's hand in a vice grip with the other arm draped around Haku's shaking shoulders.

The Hyuuga himself was clearly failing at holding it together. His sobs were loud and wet, his chest heaving while he dampened Shikamaru's neck with his tears. The Nara himself had tear-tracks staining his tan cheeks, cinder eyes tinged with dark pink. Neji was allowing everyone to touch him, but it was clear he just wanted to be wrapped up in Shikamaru's arms and held on the couch, snuggled into a blanket until the nightmare disappeared.

Then the limo honked, and it was time.

Everyone gave Neji a good squeeze, making him swear to text and facetime until he was eighteen. The second he was, he would be coming back to them. Zabuza even offered to go pick him up if things got too bad.

Then he turned to Shikamaru, who took his hand and led him outside.

Everyone let them have their moment, though Sakura burst into tears when she heard the limo rev up and take off. Then the Nara came back, his eyes dark red and puffy, his lips swollen, face damp and shadowed. He swept his keys of the table and muttered "See you later" before he booked it.

Sasuke couldn't blame him.

One by one, everyone left, until only Naruto and Sasuke were alone in the house, both wary and unsure.

The blonde dropped onto the couch, shooting Sasuke a phony, heartbroken little smile. "I don't think I can study right now."

The Uchiha nodded. "That's okay," he said carefully. "I'll text you tomorrow." After Naruto's nod of consent, he grabbed his bag and left the house, his movements shaky and slow.

Damn, if this was what it was like to have friends, all grief and pain when they left, he was glad he didn't have any.


	8. Uchihas don't "freak out"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding a different point of view!!

Itachi didn't freak out.

Honestly, he didn't. He was calm most days, cool and collected, even when Sasuke did stupid things or when Kakashi stayed out all night because he was trying to afford the rent next month. He was always the calm one in their little broken family.

He was the one who watched Sasuke when Kakashi was too busy on the phone with Iruka, or working late. He cooked because the older man burned water, even though he tried his best, and he always made sure the house was locked up before bed.

Itachi was the one who let Sasuke sob into his shoulder when the nightmares got bad, he rubbed his back when he panicked so hard he couldn't breathe, and he had held his brother on his lap in the car when they went to Kakashi's house for the first time, after their father had committed suicide.

He assured Sasuke it was okay if he didn't want top surgery, especially after hearing the news that their mother had died in a 14 hour long surgery due to a car accident.

Itachi had sat in the hospital for hours on end, dragging himself through the nights, gripping his brother's hand for dear life while he tried to cope with the fact that his baby brother had gotten an eating disorder and he hadn't noticed.

All that time, while his world was falling apart and crumbling at the foundation, he held onto the people he loved and helped them through it, becaue their well beings were way more important than his own.

But now, he was worried.

It was midnight, and neither Kakashi nor Sasuke were home yet.

His Otouto had left at around ten, so he'd been gone for fourteen hours, when all they were supposed to be doing was watching shitty movies, as teenagers did, helping out a friend and doing some homework.

But no.

Itachi groaned again, pressing his fingertips against his temples as he paced the length of his kitchen, Kisame standing beside the counter, watching Itachi's phone to see if it would go off.

He'd texted Sasuke at least ten times, but nothing. He'd even texted Kakashi, just to see if he had gone over to the office to see him, but to no avail.

Not a single damn text, no recorded message, no call, just _nothing_.

Itachi would have been fine with a letter send by a crow, because his brother knew better than to do something like this. His curfew was ten by the latest, anyway.

His head was hurting. Sasuke could be hurt, or lost, or dead in a ditch somewhere. Maybe someone had jumped him, maybe Naruto wasn't actually a good guy and had hurt him, maybe his friends were seriously against trans people and had been rude or something and Sasuke didn't feel safe enough to come home.

Another groan escaped his lips, because Sasuke was probably being reckless and _hadn't_ taken off his binder, so his ribs and lungs were being crushed and squeezed too hard again. Kisame reached out for a hug, but Itachi swatted his hands away, accepting the kiss on the temple but rejecting being held.

And then the door swung open.

Sasuke stood there sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. His dark hair was limp around his face, the dark eyes he'd gotten from his mother looking strangly unlusterous, especially since they usually had a slight sheen to them. He was nibbling on his chapped lips, his little nose dusted pink from the blustery air outside, snowflakes scattered like specks of glitter in his midnight hair.

Itachi narrowed his eyes, smirking internally when his younger brother flinched and looked away sharply.

Because he was so _dead_.

"Kisame," he cooed sweetly. "Thank you for staying while I was worrying about my baby brother, who could have died in a ditch somewhere and I would never have known, but now I think it's time for us to have a little talk."

The taller man gulped, flashing a nervous smile to Itachi and a very sympathetic one towards Sasuke. "Uh... sure thing, baby. Thanks for having me over." He walked towards the door, clasped a gentle hand on the youngest Uchiha's shoulder, mouthed "Good luck," and hurried out the door.

Once the lock had clicked, Itachi slammed his phone down on the counter, rage exploding in his entire figure.

"Not _one_ message, Sasuke! Not ONE! Do you have any _fucking_ idea how worried we were about you? You were gone for fourteen damn hours and then you just waltz in like it wasn't a big deal!?"

Sasuke winced, his grip loosening on the strap slung over his shoulder. Itachi didn't curse, hated yelling, and called him 'Sasuke' instead of Otouto or little brother, and he'd just done all three in the same sentence.

He was screwed.

"I thought you were seriously hurt! Kisame thought you were hurt, so did Kakashi, hell, even my _boss_ let me home early because we didn't know where the _fuck_ you were! I didn't know where Naruto lived so I couldn't come get you, nor did I know who on earth to _call_ , all I could do was sit home and pray to all things holy that you would come _back to me_!"

"I'm sorr—!" Sasuke's sob was cut off when Itachi yanked him to his chest, running his fingers fluidly through his silky hair and smoothing out the strands, gently pressing his little brother's head to his chest so he could hear his heartbeat.

"Do you have any idea how important you are to me?" he whispered, voice sounding choked. "You're the only biological family I have left, okay? I love Kakashi and Iruka, and I know they're are family, but you're my brother. You're irreplacable."

Sasuke nodded, keeping his head wedged into Itachi's chest. It was nice and warm there, completely safe from everyone else on the planet. His brother would always protect him.

"I'm sorry, Aniki," he mumbled, snuggling in further. "My phone died at Naruto's and nobody had the right charger for it. And they were all super emotional about Neji leaving, forever, apparently, so I felt mean just leaving in the middle of it. And then he left at ten and everyone else left at ten fifteen and Naruto wasn't feeling good enough to study."

Itachi huffed, immediately catching the hole in his brother's story. "That's okay, Otouto, but it's midnight. What were you doing for the extra two hours?"

Silence.

And then, "I was just... tired."

Itachi groaned internally. He could tell something wasn't right there, but he would accept it for now. Sasuke obviously wasn't ready to talk, and he needed to grab a snack and get into bed anyway.

"Okay." Then he paused, patting Sasuke's bony back gently. "I'm sorry I yelled, Otouto. I handled that badly. I'm upset, yes, but I shouldn't have raised my voice at you." He hesitated. "I know you don't like it when I'm loud."

"'t's okay, 'Niki."

Ah, yes, _now_ the drowsiness was kicking in. Itachi snickered, pulling his brother off of him. He tapped Sasuke in the center of his forehead with two fingers, a little motion he'd done since he was young. "See you in the morning, Otouto. Now go get out of that binder, you've worn it for way too long."

He hesitated, knowing Sasuke would hate the next parts of his sentence. But it was his health and well-being at stake, and Itachi knew sometimes he'd have to do things he didn't want to do if he was going to get very far in life.

"We have absolutely no plans tomorrow, so no binder. Sports bra only, though I'd rather you didn't even wear that."

" _Aniki—!_ "

"This isn't up for discussion, Otouto, you've worn it for way too long for way too many days in a row. I _know_ you slept in it last night."

"How—?!"

"Because I'm the one who woke you up. It's really bad on your ribs. I'm sure you're already bruising a bit." He wanted to check, but he knew Sasuke woule be far too uncomfortable do so. However, if it got too bad, he would.

"Go change, rub that lotion into your ribs, too. Sleep well."

Sasuke groaned, but squeezed him once before scurrying up the stairs. Itachi snickered, grabbing his phone from the table and sending a quick text to Kakashi, informing him that their youngest family member was back home.

He smiled at the response.

 _Thank God. I'll be home soon_. _Tell him I love him, ok?_

_Alright, see you then._

He dropped his phone back onto the table, then hesitated before heading over to Sasuke's room.

Tapping softly on the door, Itachi waited until he heard the, "Come in," before turning the handle and stepping inside. Sasuke had swathed the blankets around his waist with a huff, looking like a drowsy cat who hadn't gotten his morning nap. Itachi swept his gaze briefly to the side, relieved to see his binder draped haphazardly over the chair, and the lotion uncapped and sitting on the desk.

"Goodnight, Otouto," he said gently, bending at the waist and kissing his forehead, ignoring the way his little nose wrinkled up in annoyance at being treated like a kid. "Kakashi wants you to know that he loves you."

"Mm, love him too."

"I know you do. See you in the morning."

"Mk."


	9. Too much skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly an Uchiha/Hatake bonding chapter, a little bit of Narusasu at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might trigger dysphoria for anyone struggling with that. Apologies if it does!

Sasuke was mad at himself.

He should _not_ have gone to Naruto's house for something that should have been so stupidly simple. He shouldn't have felt for Neji as much as he did, since he didn't fucking _know_ the guy. He shouldn't have had to try not to cry when Naruto dismissed him. Okay, not really dismiss him, just an "I can't study right now" that was clearly telling him to leave the house.

When Sasuke had tried to make friends at his old school, people saying, "I can't do this right now" was usually a code to get him to leave so they could do something else.

Not that he was surprised, really. Naruto was friendly and bubbly, by far the brightest person the Uchiha had ever met, with plenty of friends himself, so of course he wouldn't have time for someone like Sasuke.

It shouldn't have hurt him like it did.

So he'd tried to block it out, perfect _himself_ and his _body_ and his bitchy personality so Naruto and other people would take time for him, _want_ to spend time with him.

Nobody wanted a friend with fat that clustered on their body, or a snappy tone and a rude air.

They wanted to hang out with someone who was strong and muscular and slender, like Naruto, with a kind voice, like Naruto, and with a sweet and gentle personality and pretty ocean eyes and a blinding smile. Again, like Naruto.

So Sasuke had gone back to trying to acclimate his body to working out again, running to school when he could and doing sit-ups before bed when Itachi wouldn't come in and check on him.

He'd run home as fast as he could, then turned at the driveway and ran to the nearest shop he could find. He'd ordered the healthiest thing on the menu (only because it would look suspicious otherwise), then went to the washroom and locked the door so he could throw up in the toilet. He'd burned the lining out of his stomach, shoving fingers down his throat until all that was left was bile.

Sasuke knew this wasn't healthy, but it was the fastest way he could think of to lose weight, so he continued running back and forth from his house to other random places, yearning, _striving_ to lose the fat he'd gained while Itachi was coddling him.

He was breathless, lungs feeling squeezed to their limit before he finally realized what time it was.

Then he'd finally gotten home, and Itachi had lost his shit. He'd shouted at him, tears pearling in his eyes as he yelled about how fucking _worried_ he'd been (probably lies, Sasuke was sure Itachi would be glad to lose him. He was just another huge responsibility in his brother's already huge pile of problems), and how worried Kisame and Kakashi had been.

Probably lies too, since Kisame didn't even know him and Kakashi was too busy trying to keep them alive and also trying to talk to Iruka.

Then his brother had scolded him about bruising his ribs, and forbidden a binder (the only thing that made him feel better about his stupid body) until the day after next. Sasuke was relieved he'd forgotten to make him eat a snack, which he usually made him do every night, because he couldn't lose the progress he'd made.

That night, the second after Itachi kissed him on the forehead and left the room, he'd dug out his food diary and started a new entry.

His brother would be mortified if he ever found it, but Sasuke would be so careful this time. He wouldn't get caught, and he would get to to his goal if it killed him. Naruto _had_ to like him. He _had_ to make friends with him, even if just to be closer to him for a few hours, he would take it.

Sasuke stuffed the old journal in the hidden compartment in his desk, locking it securely with the key and then sliding said key onto a chain, hooking it around his neck so he'd never forget it.

* * *

Itachi woke him the next morning with a gentle smile curving the tips of his mouth up, sweet brown eyes sparkling in the afternoon sun. Sasuke groaned internally. No chance for a workout before breakfast, then, and he knew his brother would make him eat.

"Morning, Otouto," he said cheerfully, smiling a little brighter. Sasuke noticed the second his cheerful gaze switched to a nervous one as he scratched the back of his neck, eyes flicking to the shuttered window.

"What is it?" Sasuke mumbled, perceptive eyes narrowing. Itachi waved a flippant hand, though his eyes stayed wary.

"I know you aren't going to want to hear this, but I'm worried about you."

_Shit, he found out about the running, didn't he._

He found out that he was very much wrong when his brother spoke again, voice softened. "I have to look at your ribs, Otouto. Before you interrupt me, let me speak. You just wore your binder for so long yesterday, and I'm very worried that you injured something." Itachi's rubbed his temples. "Again."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. No way in _hell_ was he letting his brother look at the part of himself he hated the most of all. (Except for maybe his chubby stomach or thick thighs, or his flat groin and feminine face— No, he just hated _himself._ He hated his entire being, he decided)

"Aniki—"

"Before you start, I want you to know—"

"No, Itachi, please listen to me first." The use of his first name must have shocked his brother into some sort of confused silence, because he clammed up and let Sasuke speak first.

"Aniki, I hate looking at... _that_ myself, and I really, _really_ don't want my favorite person in the world looking at it either. It just... please don't." Using the guilt trip would work, right?

Apparently not.

"I can take you to a doctor then, if you'd rather me not look. I'm sure it wouldn't take long, five minutes at the most... would that be okay?"

When Sasuke didn't answer, Itachi reached out and gripped his hand, but pulled away instantly when he saw the look in his brother's eye. "The doctor would be very professional, I promise. Just let me take you to someone experienced."

"A doctor would be worse," he muttered, voice low and angry. If he hadn't been so _stupid_ this wouldn't have happened. If he had been born in the right fucking body, if he hadn't been bullied, if they hadn't moved, if Sasuke had been _enough_ this wouldn't be happening to him.

Itachi would still be a super successful man in Japan, Anastasia would be as happy as she'd been before they left, Kakashi would be with Iruka, Iruka wouldn't be so tight on money that he couldn't even visit, he never would have met Naruto and it would be _okay_.

"Be quick, please," he mumbled finally, avoiding Itachi's russet irises as relief flooded his eyes. "I swear, Otouto."

And he _was_ quick. He'd waited patiently until Sasuke had weasled his way out of the sports bra, two sizes too small, and allowed his little brother to flatten his arm across his chest while he examined the black and purple skin.

Sasuke tried to ignore the way his breasts pressed tightly together, tried to ignore the sick feeling when he saw a flash of himself in the mirror.

Itachi pursed his lips, finally tossing the sheet over Sasuke's shoulders. "I'm going to the store later," he announced. "I'm getting some sort of bruise cream, because that's certainly not healthy."

"It's _fine_."

"No, it's not fine. Kakashi's waiting downstaris with something for you to eat, and eat all of whatever he made, understood?"

"I don't need you to _coddle_ me, Aniki," snapped Sasuke, voice taught with relief as he gathered the sheet close around his body.

"I'm not," Itachi retaliated immediately. "I'm just taking care of you. I love you, alright?"

Sasuke nodded silently, secretly relieved when Itachi tapped him on the forehead before taking his leave.

* * *

The day was useless.

He wasn't left alone for a single second. Kakashi had been worried last night, apparently. He'd hugged him hard the second he'd gotten downstairs, then gave him a good, thorough scolding about the fiasco the night before. Itachi had brought home a container of lotion that was supposed to soothe bruises and calm enflamed skin, and firmly told Sasuke to rub it into his ribs before bed.

He had been forced to eat everything that had been cooked all day, and not even the excuse of a stomach ache had gotten him out of it. The walls were far too thin for him to get rid of the food in the toilet, either.

On the plus side, all they did all day was snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and the sports bra combined with the power of a thick hoodie concealed the swell of his breasts completely.

Then that night, his phone rang, Naruto's bright orange icon popping up on the screen.

His eyes must have lit up, because Kakashi snorted and shoved the phone into his hand, pushing him towards the spare bedroom, Itachi laughing into his hand in the background.

He inhaled slowly, pressing answer as he flopped down on the bed, kicking his feet up so his legs were propped agains the bed's polished mahogany headboard. "What, usuratonkachi."

"I dunno what that means, but shut up, teme!" Naruto's voice was loud and boisterous, as usual, but a breath of fresh air compared to his unremarkable and uneventful day.

"What!? I told you not to call me that!"

"You called me an un-syrup-ton-monkey, so you don't have any room to talk!"

"I said usuraton— ugh, whatever. What do you want?" he snapped, the banter coming surprisingly easy as he picked dirt from beneath his fingernails.

"Uhh... oh, right! I wanna come to your house." Naruto's voice was bright and happy, and Sasuke could practically see the animated grin and sunshine-bright eyes. The Uchiha's cheeks flared pink, and he was glad Naruto couldn't see him as he buried his blushing face in his hands.

"Why, to study?" he mumbled, hoping his voice came clear over the phone.

"Yeah! But I figured I'd bring some snacks too and we could chill, or something. Maybe play some video-games or go catch a movie. I could invite somebody else too, if that would make you more comfortable!"

The flush on his face intensified. Damn, schoolgirl crushes really were as stupid as they seemed. 

"Sure. That's fine," he grumbled, praying that he didn't sound as grumpy-gremlin-like as he felt. "Um... 'Tachi and Kakashi are gonna be over."

"Oh, yeah! Tell Itachi I said hi!"

"Will do."

"Okay, awesome! Does like, 9:30 work for you?"

He mumbled his affirmation, and _convinced_ himself he wouldn't sound stupid as he said goodbye to Naruto. "Bye, love you."

FUCK.

"I mean—! Ah, no, that's not, sorry, I'm just usually—!"

"Aww, you're so cute!" Naruto's giglgle was loud in the reciever, and Sasuke's blush was back in full power.

"See you tomorrow, Sasuke!"

"Mhm." _Don't groan into the phone, you already sound stupid enough._

"Oh, one more thing!"

"What."

"Love you too!" Then he hung up, probably cackling from a distance as pink exploded all over Sasuke's cheeks, rushing down his face and curling across the tips of his ears, poking out from the dark midnight of his hair.

He walked out of the spare room, face completely flushed, trying to ignore Itachi's smug smirk and Kakashi's mirthful eyes as he sat down on the couch and shoved his hot face into the nearest pillow.


	10. Anything written in cursive looks pretty on paper

Naruto was a good friend.

He was the one who was there when Hidan overdosed, because all the drugs in the world couldn't muffle the pain of his entire family abandoning him because of his relationship and his religion. He was the one who helped Kakuzu find him, brought him to the hospital and sat with him while he writhed and sobbed in the white sheets.

Naruto was there, holding Haku's hand while he called Zabuza and told him that he loved him, and he cried from happiness right along with him when Zabuza loved him back just as much.

He was the guy who first told Deidara it was _okay_ to dress however he wanted and wear eyeliner and lipstick, because gender stereotypes were bullshit and he could be whoever he wanted.

He gave Sasori a place to stay when he got kicked out, he brought Gaara and Lee together because they deserved to be _happy_ , he pitched in for Shisui when he couldn't afford lunch, he brought Ino to the mall to help her pick out her prom dress, he helped Sai figure out emotions, of himself and others, and he reminded Sakura to rest when she was so frantic over her studies she could't calm down.

Then he was there for Shikamaru when he just _couldn't_ anymore when Neji was forced to move away. He took care of him, made sure he slept and made his meals, allowed him to cry on his shoulder and didn't judge him for it.

So he was a damn good friend, and he had good friends back. They were there for each other in good times and bad, they laughed at old memories and cried at others, bought each other lunch and built each other up, since they'd long pledged to never tear each other down.

So it was natural that he was worried for Sasuke.

The Uchiha didn't eat _anything_ at the little good-bye party they'd had for Neji, only nursing a single glass of water the whole time. He had noticed that Sasuke didn't actually eat anything for lunch at school either, and how he'd run home instead of walked when he was over the other night.

Sasuke had bundled himself in blankets, then passed out in the LazyBoy only an hour after he'd settled in. He flinched when people touched him, shyed away from all things loud, and had seemed to analyze and study every single person in the room.

So of _course_ he wanted to make friends with the guy.

But he hesitated now, his hand poised to knock on the dark blue door of the little house that was the Uchiha's. Maybe Sasuke didn't want friends, and that was why he had been so adamant about not going over to see everyone.

Before he could convince himself not to overthink it, he rapped his knuckles against the door, which swung open a few seconds later.

The man who opened the door was of medium height, with long black hair tied into a neat ponytail in the back of his head. His eyes were the color of dark chocolate, kind and surprisingly gentle, with an underlying, threatening hint of stern-ness hidden in their depths. He had deep tear-troughs that dipped down from the corners of his eyes.

Naruto flashed his signature smile. "Hey! You're Itachi, right? 'Cause Sasuke said something about 'Kakashi' but I dunno who that is, but you look a _lot_ like Sasuke anyway, so Imma guess you're Itachi!"

The older man snorted, pulling the door further open so the blonde could step inside. "Yes, I'm Itachi. Kakashi Hatake is our guardian, he's in the living room with Sasuke."

Naruto noticed how he didn't say dad or anything like that, and was curious, though he didn't mention it. "Awesome! Just point me in the right direction, and I'll be out of your hair."

"Hn. Shoes off, if you don't mind."

"Oh yeah, sorry." Naruto toed his bright orange converse off, leaving them messily at the door, hoping there wasn't some sort of Japanese ritual he had to do in order to step further into the house. Apparently not, because Itachi just pointed to a little walkway, and returned to the kitchen.

There was a man with silver hair sitting on a dark brown couch, so Naruto guessed that was Kakashi. He looked young, but his eyes seemed older than his body. Or his _eye_ , anyway. Kakashi was wearing a black patch on the other, but he pulled it off, and unlike some people, he looked badass. He smiled at Naruto, then pressed the side of his index finger to his lips, nodding down to the top of his thighs.

 _Awwwwww_.

Sasuke's head was pillowed on Kakashi's lap, feathery black hair splayed around his face like a midnight halo. His cute little nose was scrunched up slightly, pink tongue poking from between his lips, one hand curled into the fabric of Kakashi's pants.

As much as Naruto wanted him to get some rest, if they didn't study, he'd fail midnterms and Sasuke would go balistic on him.

"We have to study," he stage-whispered, cupping one hand around his mouth. "I don't wanna wake him up or anything, but he's gonna yell at me if we don't get anything done." The silver-haired man snickered, running one hand through Sasuke's hair.

"True, I'm sure." He stroked Sasuke's hair one more time, then planted a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. "C'mon, wake up."

"Mblrg." The Uchiha nuzzled his face into Kakashi's stomach, hiding his long black lashes and tiny nose in his shirt. Kakashi laughed, then tickled his fingers along his ribs. "Naruto's here," he added, rather loudly.

Sasuke shot up suddenly, sleepy black eyes wide with mortification, lips parted in shock. He locked eyes with Naruto for a split second, before groaning and shoving his face in his slender hands.

"Aww, come on Sas, I don't mind!" Naruto crowed, trying not to laugh too hard and further embarass the flustered Uchiha. There was flashes of bright red skin peeking between Sasuke's fingers, proving exactly how flushed he was.

"Shut it, usuratonkachi!"

"TEME!"

"Hey, where'd you learn that?"

"What are you doing to Sasuke, Kakashi?" Itachi called from the kitchen, poking his head through the doorway.

"I'm not doing anything, he's the one who fell asleep!" the Hatake defended himself, rolling his eyes. Sasuke groaned again, and this time Itachi walked into the room, looking slightly concerned.

"Good Lord, Kakashi, you're embarassing him," he scolded, planting a hand on his littble brother's shoulder. "And you have somewhere to be, don't you." He wasn't asking a question, and eventually the Hatake stood up and rolled his eyes again, walking towards the door and snagging his jacket on the way out.

"Go study, you two," Itachi encouraged, releasing Sasuke and nudging him towards the coffee-table, where a bunch of text books sat. "I'm going to go make lunch, does ramen sound okay?"

"Sure," Sasuke grumbled, and Naruto nodded eagerly. Jonothan, his foster dad, usually didn't buy him much ramen, but he loved the prepackaged stuff, which he expected lunch was going to be.

Itachi disappeared back into the other room and Sasuke collapsed on the couch, yanking a math book into his lap, his cheeks still flushed with a hint of pink, obsidian eyes narrowed. "Sit down," he muttered. "We're starting with this."

"Great! Guess what, guess what!?"

He recieved a glare. "What?"

"I got an A on my last science test!" Naruto bragged, placing a hand proudly on his chest, grinning when Sasuke's pretty black eyes widened. "Really?" he asked, twirling a lock of hair around one finger.

"Believe it! you really taught me well!"

Sasuke turned pink again, and Naruto wondered if he had some kind of medical thing going on. "Get your notebook," he grumbled. "Lemme see your notes."

* * *

"Wow, Itachi! This looks amazing!" Naruto called excitedly, staring down at a pretty blue bowl made specifically for ramen. The golden noodles were doused in steaming broth, delicately sliced chicken laid neatly over them. A white egg with a bright yellow center was cradled in one side of the bowl, some strange looking vegetable scattered over the surface.

Definitely not instant.

"Thank you," Itachi answered, handing him a fork and Sasuke a pair of wooden chopsticks, then pinned his younger brother with a stern look that Naruto didn't understand. "I have to go out, but I expect you to put your _empty_ bowls in the sink when you're through."

"Yes sir!"

"Fine."

Itachi looked exasperated for a second. "Otouto."

"I know, I know. I promise, Nii-san," Sasuke mumbled, fidgeting with his chopsticks. Itachi smiled again, planted his hand on his brother's head for a moment, then waved and left.

It was silent for a few moments, before Naruto decided to break it. "So how was your weekend?" he asked brightly, shoving a forkful of noodles into his mouth, the amazing flavor exploding on his tongue. "Ohhh my go... mmmmm," he moaned, head lolling backwards, exposing his throat. Whatever he'd just eaten was _so_ good, he couldn't _help_ it.

Sasuke snapped his head down, black eyes widening and cheeks flushing again.

"You know," Naruto commented, popping the egg into his mouth. "You fluster like, super easy. You're literally bright pink right now."

Sasuke glared at him, eyes narrowing and lips pursing. "I don't usually hang out with people," he snapped. "And you're making weird noises!"

"I was not!"

"Baka!"

"UN-SYRUP-TON-MONKEY!"

Sasuke furrowed his brows, the tipped his head to the side. "Huh?"

"You call me that all the time!"

"Wha...? OH, you think you're calling me an usuratonkachi."

"Yeah. Un-syrup-ton-monkey."

"Say it with me, 'usur-aton-kachi'," Sasuke said it slowly, acting like Naruto was a little kid. "I can say it just fine!" the blonde snapped. "Un-syrup—"

"STOP SAYING IT LIKE THAT. You're _butchering_ the Japanese language!"

"Well YOU'RE butchering my eyes with your FACE."

Sasuke buried his face in his hands, groaning loudly and dropping his chopsticks in his empty bowl with a clatter. "You are so _stupid_."

"Which is why you're tutoring me! You done yet? I wanna see your room!"

Sasuke blinked in surprise, and looked down at his bowl, devoid of any food, every drop gone. Naruto was kind of proud of himself; seems like the Uchiha had been eating when he hadn't even noticed.

He scowled, for some reason, then snatched up his and Naruto's bowl, putting them in the sink and running some water in them. "Yeah, whatever. There's nothing to do in my room."

"Can I at least go look?"

Sasuke's phone dinged once, and he picked it up, peering into the screen with furrowed brows. Naruto repeated the question, and the Uchiha waved a hand. "Sure," he mumbled, then clicked something and began to type.

The blonde scurried up the stairs quickly, opening the door with the name "Sasuke" written in cursive on a wooden sign and hung on the doorknob.

And he wasn't suprirsed at all. Because it was exactly what he was expecting.

The room was completely clean, spotless and dusted and the bed made up with what looked like hundreds of thick fluffy pillows. Only one drawer was open, and Naruto caught a glimpse of socks, curled into little snowballs. There weren't even any wrinkles in the bedsheets! What kind of psychopath _was_ Sasuke?!

But it must not have been _perfectly_ clean, because Naruto stepped on something. It was kind of scratchy, in a soft kind of way, but he could definitely feel the zipper against the sole of his foot. He glanced down, his eyes catching on a black binder laying directly on the floor.

He was kind of surprised, but he picked it up anyway, prepared to drape it over the chair at the desk so he wouldn't step on it again. He briefly noted to tell Sasuke that it had a little tear in it.

When the door opened, he turned around, still holding the binder, and held it up. "Hey, you really shouldn't leave this on the floor. I almost cut my foot on the zipper, and I think Itachi would yell at you if he found it on the floor."


	11. Outed: Good or bad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Slight emotional turmoil?

Sasuke's lips parted in shock, his pretty dark orbs widening, a glossy sheen slowly forming across the surface of his eyes. "Y—you... you..."

"Yeah, uh-huh. These things can be expensive, and this one's pretty good quality, so—." Naruto froze when he saw the tears that pearled in Sasuke's eyes, slickened diamonds that spilled over his lashline and trickled down his flushed face. "Woah, you okay?"

He wasn't a stranger to tears, but it was surprising for him to see the absolute mortification in his face. Maybe he just really didn't want him to know or something. But it wasn't a big deal! Sasuke was being himself, being comfortable in his own skin, which was something to celebrate! He shouldn't be ashamed.

But then again, maybe other people had had a bad reaction or something. Assholes.

A wet sob clawed its way out of Sasuke's throat, and Naruto immediately backtracked. "I'm sorry, hey, no...— aw, come here," he murmured, opening his arms and gently placing his hands on Sasuke's slender shoulders. The Uchiha practically crumbled, and Naruto pulled him to his chest, allowing Sasuke to rest his pretty face on his shoulder and his arms to encircle his waist.

"I know, I know," he cooed, pressing his cheek to Sasuke's hair. "I'm sorry. Did you not want me to touch it?"

"I didn't want you to _know_ ," Sasuke snapped, his voice cracking, and Naruto sighed against his temple. "I'm sorry," he repeated, and wasn't sure what else to say. When Haku had come out, there had been tears, sure, but nothing like this. Then again, Haku _had_ told him willingly.

Naruto sighed, and squeezed Sasuke tighter. "I can act like I don't know?" he offered easily, wondering exactly how hard that would be for him. He always worried about Haku, he couldn't _help_ it, so naturally, he would worry about Sasuke.

The Uchiha sniffled. "Why would you do that?" he muttered. "You already figured it out."

"Well, in my defense, you _did_ leave the binder on the floor."

"I was in a hurry this morning! I didn't know which one was clean!"

Naruto laughed again, squeezing Sasuke once before pulling back a little so he could see his face. He was flushed pink, cheeks damp and eyes red, but he still looked just as pretty as he had the first day.

The Uchiha sniffled one more time, before steeling his softened eyes and pulling back completely. "How did you even know that that thing was a binder?"

"Oh, I have a friend who's trans. You already met him though. It's Haku."

Sasuke's eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open. "Won't he be mad you told me that without telling him?!" he hissed furiously, making Naruto laugh.

"Nah, he's very confident in himself now. He's totally fine with anyone knowing, because he should be fucking _proud_ to tell everyone who he is, and especially be brave enough to go against everything other people say! Just like you!"

The flush crept its way up Sasuke's face for the thousandth time that day, hell, maybe even that _hour_. "It's not that great," he mumbled shyly.

"Yes it is!" Naruto snapped vehemantly. "You're strong enough to be _you_ , even when everyone else is telling you to be somebody else, and you should be so fucking proud of that, you understand me?"

Okay, honestly, the permanent blush that had stained Sasuke's cheeks was fucking adorable. "Whatever," he muttered again, probably trying to hide his burning face in his hands again, not that Naruto would let him.

"Nooooooo, lemme love youuuuu!"

Bright red exploded across Sasuke's face, and he tore himself away and completely shoved himself into the pillows on the bed. "You don't even know me!" he snapped back, his voice shaking slightly.

"Alright, I'll give you that. Let's go see a movie!"

"What!?"

"Yeah! Anything you wanna see lately? I'll pay and everything, promise. It'll be a cute little date!"

Sasuke groaned again. "Do _not_ call it a date."

"Okay! A very spontaneous trip between two, and only two, very attractive people. Come on, let's go! Grab your jacket or something, it's cold and you are _not_ dressed for going outside."

"It's fine," Sasuke snapped, standing easily and snatching a pair of shoes from beneath the bed.

"Well, if you inisist, I suppose."

* * *

The air was just as cold as Naruto had thought it would be, even though he could tell his little partner would die before admitting that. Even though he was shivering, his pale skin completely covered in goose-bumps, his lips trembling.

Now, it would be very _chivalrous_ of him to offer his jacket, but no way in hell. He'd specifically told him to bring one, and he'd refused.

Plus, it was always cold in the movie theatre.

The warm rush of air as they entered the lobby was refreshing, and obviously a breath of fresh, heated air for Sasuke as he lifted his face to the vent, lips parted to inhale the hotter air.

They paid, okay, Naruto paid, for tickets, then he dragged the Uchiha over to the snacks.

He was confused when Sasuke lifted a pack of caramel M&Ms, peered at the back of the package, then set them back down and ordered a water. So naturally, he slapped the package down on the counter, grabbed another two packs of gummy worms, and ordered a large slushie and a popcorn. He grabbed two straws.

Dragging Sasuke into the theatre was easy, maybe a little too easy. He was super feather-light, and his wrist was about the circumfrance of the ring of Naruto's pinkie and thumb fingers.

And okay, so the movie was good. The acting was phenomenal, the sets were well-made, the plot was very well thought-out, and the only plot-hole Sasuke could find was something about the main actress's hair color compared to the book.

So that wasn't Naruto's problem.

Sasuke was eating, thank God, and he was vividly watching the screen but the way he was doing it...

His fingers were slender and soft, going torturously slow as they brought a single M&M _at a time_ to his mouth.

His pretty black lashes shuttered closed when there was even a slightly scary scene, showing off his high cheekbones and casting shadows over his cute little nose.

The way his lips wrapped around his straw made Naruto's chest hurt a little bit, and the way his pupils dilated when there was a flare of music was so adorable it kind of made _him_ want to blush.

But he didn't, because he was too busy trying not to freak out over the contact their hands were making whenever they delved into the popcorn bucket.

* * *

When the movie was over, Naruto decided to be a gentleman and walk Sasuke back to his house.

(It wasn't at all because his car was still there)

On the way, he draped his coat over Sasuke's shoulders, winking at him when he turned to stare at him in surprise, a slow smirk lifting at the corners of his mouth. "Thought you weren't gonna share, usuratonkachi?"

"Couldn't leave my friend dying in the cold now, could I, teme?"

"Ugh, stop calling me that."

"Mm, you love it."

"As much as a dog loves fleas, or a house loves termites."

When they got to the front door, Sasuke's eyes were drooping. Not that it was a surprising thing at all, he had had kind of a rough day. Being outed without consent was probably not fun at all.

Itachi opened the door when he knocked, and a fond smile curved his lips when he saw his drowsy brother. "Come on, Otouto, let's get you to bed," he said softly, nudging him into the house, before turning to Naruto.

"I uh... Um... we went to the movies," he explained. "I know this probably isn't that big of a deal, but I got him some candy and popcorn and a slushie. Is that okay? We had seperate straws and everything."

Itachi looked relieved.

"Thank you," he said, voice genuine, and Naruto had a feeling he knew more than he was letting on. "I'm so glad he found a friend."

Naruto was grinning the whole way home.


	12. Going too fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotional and triggering for people with eating disorders or past eating disorders, so be careful. Again, as some of the tags imply, this fic is not for the faint of heart, and this chapter really digs deep into that. This one really zeroes in on the recreational drug use and the eating disorders and depression. Also, kind of short because I was making myself sad...

Itachi's hand was warm on his shoulder as he guided him inside the house, softly telling him to go to his room and get ready for bed.

Of course, he ignored him, walking past the kitchen where Kisame was snagging an apple from the fridge. His feet led him to the living room, to see Kakashi sitting on the couch, feet kicked up with the remote sitting loosely in a hand. Sasuke laid down right next to him, pressing the top of his head to his gaurdian's warm thigh, settling in with a little sigh, the noises of the TV droning on in the background.

A hand carefully ran through his hair, and a few moments later he felt his feet being pulled into someone else's lap. Probably Itachi.

He was cozy, a gentle thumb rubbing circles on his ankles while soft fingers massaged his scalp, soft conversation between three seperate voices whispering above his head. It had been such a great night.

Naruto wasn't upset that he was trans, completely supportive, in fact. They'd gotten a ton of studying done and watched a good movie and laughed through all of it, so all around one of the best days he'd had in a while. He was drowsy, he was relaxed, his belly was full—

Shit.

He hadn't recorded a single _fucking_ thing in his notebook, and he'd already dragged himself through the entire day. He'd stuffed his face with sweets, eaten the whole, huge bowl of ramen, and guzzled a large slushie.

And he handn't even noticed. He hadn't even noticed the chubbiness building on his already too-supple hips, the fat accumulating on his stomach and adding more dimention to his thighs, his cheeks filling out and losing the high cheekbones he'd finally gotten.

Fuck, his brain was going too fast.

Well, he knew how to fix that, even if just for a little bit. The good thing was that sugar burned quickly, though the carbs from the ingredients and preservatives in the instant noodles would be like rocks in his stomach.

He sat up, forcing his eyes to remain half-lidded and sleepy. He muttered a goodnight and recieved a littany of the same call back to him as he scurried up the stairs, recieving a death glare from Itachi that clearly read "Take good care of yourself", which translated to "take off your binder and don't forget to floss".

Itachi would kill him if he didn't, and he would probably check to see if he'd actually taken it off and hung it up where he was supposed to, since _apparently_ he couldn't be trusted not to sleep in it anymore.

So he did.

He stripped out of his binder, then dug through the green box under his bed for a few things he hadn't used, hadn't _had_ to use, for kind of a long time.

It didn't feel good to walk to his bathroom, nude, the old ace bandages held in one shaky hand, a joint and a lighter clasped in the trembling fingers of his free one. It certainly didn't feel that great to wrap the bandages around his chest and secure them, or climb onto the sill in the bathroom, holding the flickering flame to the end of the paper and inhale deeply, his lungs filling with the smoke that he blew out the window.

When he felt dizzy and he didn't care anymore, he snuffed it on his skin and stuffed the useless roll of paper into the trash can, but not before wrapping it in toilet-paper and dousing it in water.

Then he shoved his fingers down his throat until they grazed his tonsils, ridding his body of the nastiness he had forced it to endure earlier. He shut the bathroom door and stuffed the crack with a towel, sprayed the room with lysol, wobbled to the bed, yanked on a hoodie, collapsed and nuzzled into his pillow, a sleepy smile planted on his lips.

He was finally getting better.

* * *

Itachi walked into Sasuke's room later that night, a tiny grin appearing on his face when he saw his brother.

His Otouto was snuggled into bed in a large white hoodie, a little smile curving up the corners of his lips. Though he had a bit of a strangely blank look for his usual scrunched up sleeping face, he just figured his baby brother was finally calm.

He planted a kiss on Sasuke's forehead, pleased when he saw the binder hanging up exactly where it was supposed to be.

* * *

The next morning was hell.

Itachi was so proud of him, cooing happily about how he'd eaten like he was supposed to and hadn't been told directly to take care of himself properly before bed. He earned a high-five from Kakashi before he left for work, and a bright grin from Kisame before he left too.

His brother hugged him hard, just as he was leaving for school.

"You're doing so well, Otouto," he whispered into his ear, then poked him gently with two fingers, directly in the center of his forehead. "Father would be proud of you, I think. Mother would be too."

If only he knew.

If only Itachi knew how badly he'd screwed up the night before, even if he felt better after doing it. After he'd binded unsafely just so his chest could be flat. After he'd smoked a joint because it made his brain slow down, and then put it out on his hip. After he'd thrust his fingers down his throat to rid himself of the food Itachi had been so proud of him for eating.

Wow, he was a shitty human.

Itachi smeared the tear that slid down his cheek away with his thumb, probably thinking that he was just happy with himself for getting better.

Seemed crying was all Sasuke did these days.

* * *

The headache he'd earned as a trophy for last night was burning his brain, fuzzing out the image of the whiteboard and distorting the voice of Madara Sensei.

He couldn't focus on writing his usually neat notes, the ones that Naruto held him in such high esteem for. The little cartoons he always scribbled beside the facts were sloppy and scratched out more often then not. His handwriting was ugly and sharp, his notes were stupid and unimportant, and his head _hurt_.

Each hour that inched by was another torrent of pain, another load of pressure on his bound chest, another pinch of his shoes, stab of his pencil, pound to the head nail through his hands.

He got a 78% on the pop quiz, the score circled in blood-red with a quick frowny face scrawled beside it, and a 'try harder' with an ugly exclamation point stamped onto the paper.

Seemed "try harder" was all anyone ever told him to do anymore.

* * *

Sasuke was planning on taking a nap during lunch, but he was foiled by a soft smile and gentle eyes.

"Would you join us for lunch?" Haku asked, his bag dangling easily from the crevice of his shoulders as a sweet smile made his eyes lift brightly. "We'd love it if you would join us."

Knowing that Naruto had probably asked Haku to ask him (Though he couldn't think of a single reason why) Sasuke knew it would be fruitless to say no.

So he grunted his consent, snatching his backpack from the ground and dragging his feet until he got to the lunchroom.

The table was very... divided.

On one side, Sakura and Ino were babbling, practically screaming to be heard over everyone else. The blonde was planted directly in Sai's lap, who was smiling at nothing as he allowed Lee to try and talk to him and Gaara. Shikamaru was staring at the table, his russet eyes blank and shadowed, while Chouji tried to cheer him up.

However, on the other side...

Deidara was carving some sculpture of Sasori with dry meatloaf, while the redhead himself was allowing the blonde to sit on his lap and reading a book, though he had a firm arm wrapped around his waist.

Hidan was napping on Kakuzu, who was holding onto his shoulders so he didn't fall while also discussing something, probably world hunger, by the looks on their faces, with Shisui.

Naruto himself was sitting in the center of the chaos, the eye of the huricane and the gold at the end of the rainbow. He slapped the seat next to him, a grin bright on his too-happy and awake face.

"Come on!" he called. "Hidan, sit on 'Kuzu, we gotta make room!"

Okay. Maybe things could get better.

Naruto's arm was warm around his shoulders the entire time, though in the middle of the break, he looked over and whispered, "You can take a nap if you want, Hidan's totally out cold anyway."

Yeah. That sounded good. And Naruto was nice and warm, a fucking golden ray of sunshine in his rain-spattered life. So he shut his eyes and fell asleep against a warm shoulder, bright LED lights digging into his closed lids.

"Mmm," he mumbled.

Seemed like things were kind of looking up since Naruto stepped into his life.


	13. The Exorcist is kind of a terrible movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much happier chapter bc I felt bad ;) ALSO pretty long, aren't you proud of me?

_Naruto: **Hey, wanna go out? Everyone wants to do a movie night**_ **.**

_Naruto:_ **Sasuke please**

_Naruto: **Sasuke I won't stop talking to you until you agree**_

_Naruto: **I know youd don't have any plans, it's a Saturday**_

Sasuke didn't know what to do with those texts. Everyone? Since when was he part of the 'everyone' Naruto hung out with? Not that he knew of. Sure, Deidara had stolen his meatloaf ot make his sculpture that week, and sure Shisui had brought him a cookie from his parents' cookie shop, and sure Ino had taken him shopping two days earlier, but that didn't mean a thing.

It certainly didn't mean they were his friends.

That didn't explain why he snuffed his joint on his hip and dropped it in the trashcan in a wad of soaked toilet paper, then walked into the study with his phone held loosely in his grip.

"Hey, Aniki?"

"Hn?" Itachi glanced up from his desk, pen still poised above his paper and lip snagged between his teeth. He arched a brow at the look on Sasuke's face, a slow smile creeping onto his lips. "More trouble with Naruto?"

"Not _trouble_ , Aniki. I'm telling you, nothing _happened_ at the theatre!"

"No?"

" _No_. The moron just dragged me there after we finished studying."

Itachi sighed, dropping the pen to the desk. "Alright then. What is it?" He sounded disappointed that he still wasn't admitting to making friends with Naruto. Well, it wasn't Sasuke's problem that Naruto would drop him after he realized how deep into his own shit he was.

"Uh... a person, that you don't know and have never met... invited to me a movie. I mean! Invited a movie to me. I MEAN... ah..."

"You're asking my permission to go to a movie with Naruto," Itachi deadpanned, arching a dark eyebrow with a smug look on his face. Sasuke's cheeks flamed, and he glared away from his brother.

"Yeah," he spat. "Can I go?"

Itachi snickered, waving him over. He poked his fingers roughly into his forehead, and smiled at him. "Have fun, Otouto." He paused, and lifted his pen again. "Please be home before 10:30 this time, okay?"

"Whatever."

" _Otouto_."

"I will! Geez, chill."

Sasuke was about to leave the room, his fingers curled around the doorknob when Itachi called out one more time. "Is he picking you up?"

"Yeah."

"Alright."

* * *

What to wear.

Seriously, what to wear.

Sasuke had Itachi's old hand-me-downs, a bright blue sleep-shirt from Kakashi, one of his dad's old plaid shirts, about five hundred hoodies and an old skirt balled up and stuffed in his closet from before he transitioned.

He really should get around to burning that.

But back to the issue at hand!

He couldn't wear another hoodie, Naruto had only ever seen him in hoodies. Not another pair of well-loved, roughened jeans, they were practically worn to the seams, the hems practically ripped off and ripped to tatters. He didn't want to wear shorts either though because then his scars and stretch-marks might show, even though they were probably too far-up on his thighs to be seen.

Sweatpants? Maybe a nice tee-shirt? It was supposed to be a lazy thing, right?

 _You're overthinking this_ , he scolded himself, though he still hesitated as he bored his eyes into his closet. "Damn it," he muttered, then reached out his hand and dived in blindly.

He ended up pulling out a bair of knee-length blue, loose leggings and a high-necked black shirt, which he shrugged on before checking the time, and nearly yelped at the numbers on the screen.

Sure enough, Naruto was waiting in the car, head tipped back, bobbing to the old Taylor Swift song playing on the radio.

He looked good, even with the old Adidas sweatpants and a bright orange hoodie, blonde hair all messy and blue eyes soft and sleepy from waking up so early on a Saturday morning.

Honestly, his attractiveness wasn't _fair_.

It made Sasuke want to be better.

He slid into the passenger seat, cheeks flushing when Naruto grinned at him, all dumb and drowsy as he started the car. "Mornin'! How're you?"

"Fine," he grumbled, sqeezing his bag to his chest while the blonde backed carefully out of the driveway.

 _Be better._ "Um... how are... you?"

"Great, thanks for asking!" Damn, Naruto was easy to please. "You wanna grab a coffee?" the Uzumaki asked, cocking his head. "Lily's got a drive through, if you want!"

"Who... who's Lily?"

Naruto laughed, shaking his head and causing his blonde hair to feather out like golden thread. "No, no! That's the coffee shop thingy I work at after school. You should come some time!"

Oh, right. The one where he had been coerced to try and eat a cake-pop, then almost puked it all over Naruto at the thought of gaining more weight than he already had. He cleared his throat, nodding.

"Sure... is there sugar-free stuff?"

Naruto swept his blue eyes over at him. "Probably. You don't like sugar much, huh?"

"Hurts my teeth," he grunted.

"Ohh, gotcha. See, Sasori just doesn't _like_ it. No matter how many times Deidara tries to cram a chocolate bar down his throat, he's just like, "Gross, bitch, get off of me", and then _Deidara's_ like—"

"He calls him a bitch?" Sasuke interrupted, the information chafing against his brain like a too-loose bandage against skin. Naruto glanced over at him again, brows furrowing as he pulled into the drive-through of Lily's.

"Yeah..." he said slowly. "But... he doesn't really mean it in a derrogatory way or anything, and Dei knows that. If he ever did say it like that, or like he _meant_ it or some shit, we'd all scold him, and he knows that."

_What?_

"Hold on, you'd scold him just 'cause he was being a jerk to one of your friends?" he demanded. "What if he was just playing around and it was an accident?"

"Yes," Naruto answered firmly. "Accidents hurt people too, like a car accident. Nobody meant for it to happen, but somebody still got hurt, and the person who did it needs to take responsibility. And if he didn't, we'll talk to him, and get _him_ to talk it out with Dei."

"Why?"

"Because... because we care about him. Both of 'em. Friends look out for each other, don't go back on their words, and never _ever_ let anyone suffer by themself. And if Sasori ever _did_ hurt him, they'd talk it out, and the other way around."

He had to ask again. "Why?"

"Because we love each other. Now, what do you want to eat? We gotta get something for everybody," he said cheerfully, sliding the car window down and asking the menu-board at the register to give them a second while they chose what they wanted.

Becuase they love each other.

Huh.

* * *

Horror movies.

What the _fuck_. Sasuke hated horror movies with an undying, burning passion, and he wouldn't ever enjoy them for as long as he lived. Even if he _was_ crammed on a couch with a bunch of hormonal teenagers, his leg lodged underneath Shisui's hip, Ino holding one hand, and shoved under Naruto's arm.

 _Annabelle: Homecoming_ might have been the scariest fucking movie he'd ever watched. So he stayed put, his face shoved into the nearest person's shoulder as the movie continued. A squeak escaped him at a few points, which Naruto must have found fucking hilarious, because he's let out a snicker and snuggle closer into Sasuke.

But this time, in the middle of _The Excorcist_ , he was actually scared. He didn't know why, he wasn't really scared by this kind of stuff, but this one was really bothering him for some weird reason.

He was trembling and he knew it, but he was too busy trying not to visibly not freak out that he didn't care. Someone screeched something in Latin on the screen, and a soft panting gasp escaped him as he pressed his eyes closer into Naruto's shoulder. Demonic screams errupted from the TV, and a warm arm snaked around his wasit.

"Want me to turn it off?" Naruto asked softly, gentle hands slowly tracing patterns on his belly. He didn't really like that, but he was kind of too paralyzed to tell Naruto that. "Ah... n—no," he choked out. "Everyone else likes it."

It was true, Kakuzu was staring intently at the screen with a pleased smile on his face, even though he was also allowing Sakura to dig her hot pink acrylics into his arm and Hidan to hold his hand.

"Dude, we will turn it off," Naruto said firmly. "If you hate it—"

"No. Just... it's fine."

Naruto wrapped both arms around him, and that made it better.

* * *

The drive home was nice and quiet, with Sasuke half asleep against the cool window, the radio humming out old Elvis songs as they rattled along.

Naruto was tapping out the beat on the console, even as he asked, softly, if Sasuke wanted to stop and get some ice cream at McDonalds. "Not really," he mumbled. "I'm supposed to be home at 10:30, so you've got like, four minutes to get me home."

"Right, sorry babe."

That woke him up.

"WHAT!?" He shot up in his seat, ebony eyes wide with mortification. "The _hell_ did you just call me?!"

Naruto snickered, reaching out and patting his hand, which he snatched away. "Relax, I call Deidara that all the time."

"Ugh..."

When they finally _did_ get to Sasuke's house, Naruto insisted on being a 'gentleman' and walking him to the door, and he decided to allow it.

He poked the key into the hole, though turned to face Naruto before he put it in the whole way. He smiled softly when a fleck of pearlescent white ghosted across Naruto's cheekbone, a smug snicker escaping him when the blonde tried to cross his eyes and see the snowflake.

"Here, I'll get it," Sasuke said quickly, voice muffled by the thick fog, reaching up and gently brushing his fingers across chilled skin to remove the already melted snowflake. Before he could take away his hand, Naruto reached out and pressed his fingers into his, so his palm was flat against his cheek.

He stared.

Shit, those eyes were really beautiful. He really noticed the soft silver flecks as they grew closer to his face, and the thick black lashes, the pointed nose and the plump lips.

Wait, why were they getting closer—

There were hands on his waist, cold on his cheeks, and lips pressed against his own before he finally realized Naruto was kissing him

And damn, he really didn't mind.


	14. Kissing

It was kind of clear that Sasuke had never kissed anyone before, but Naruto didn't mind.

He cupped one firm hand on the back of his neck, slowly sifting his fingers through the feather-soft ebony strands of hair at the nape, and carefully wrapped his fingers around a defined hip bone, rubbing his thumb in circles at the indent of the skin of his hip and the bone.

Sasuke let out a soft hiss, fingers curling from where they rested beside Naruto's waist.

Gently, he pressed the Uchiha up against the stone wall beside door, relishing in the soft gasp the Uchiha let out when he felt the sharp nick of his teeth at the jolt of his spine nudging against the bricks.

Naruto pulled away for a second, allowing his teeth to scrape softly against Sasuke's lower lip. He stared into the wide obsidian eyes, then allowed a little smile to curl at the corners of his mouth as he pressed his lips back to Sasuke's.

Shaky arms raised to loop around his neck, one hand curling in his blonde hair, the other twining in his loose black shirt. Sasuke's nose was pressed against his cold cheek, their chests pushed together, their legs pracically tangled together.

Sasuke's winter-wet lips tasted like warm peppermint sugar and a hint of uncertainty, he smelled like coffee and cheap drugstore-shampoo, and he feld like absolute _heaven_ when he was all snug against Naruto in the cold, nippy air.

He couldn't resistp planting a few kisses down Sasuke's pretty white neck, enjoying the rose-red mark that bloomed when he gave a harsh tug of his teeth, sucking firmly at the velvet soft skin, then laving his tongue over the tiny wound.

Naruto snickered at the loud gasp that escaped the Uchiha's throat.

His hand tightened on Sasuke's hip, and he gave a short tug to his black hair before he pulled back again. He, admitedly, smirked slightly at the squeaky whine that escaped the Uchiha's throat when he broke their connection.

Unfortunately, he knew he couldn't get as into it as he wanted.

Sasuke was new to all this shit, as much as he didn't want to admit it.

He didn't understand anything about friends, or relationships with other people, plus he was battling his own mind and body every day and couldn't help but flinch at human contact.

So as much as Naruto _wanted_ to succumb to his natural testosterone and lick his tongue down into Sasuke's throat, bite his lips until they were plump and red, shove his body against the wall and thrust their hips together until the friction was absolute heaven—

Wait, okay, he was getting distracted, and _no_ his dick did _not_ need to be getting excited at the moment.

What he meant to say, was that he couldn't do... _that_... because he would rush Sasuke, and maybe push him way too far.

So no.

But there were a few things they could do...

Naruto could accept closed-lipped kisses, hand holding, snuggling, forehead and cheek kisses, playing with each other's hair, snaring it between their fingers and _pulling_ while he pushed Sasuke against the bed and—

WOAH he was getting off track here again.

 _Do what's best for Sasuke_ , he reminded himself, smirking slightly at the dazed look still stamped into the Uchiha's features.

So he pulled back gently, though he did clasp their hands together and plant one last kiss on the tip of his pointed little nose, grinning when Sasuke flushed bright pink and pursed his lips

"Aww, that was a good kiss, huh?" Naruto teased. He lifted a finger and traced across the tender mark on Sasuke's neck. "Mm, so pretty."

Red exploded over the bridge of the Uchiha's nose. "Don't— don't say shit like that!"

"What, that you're superrrr pretty? Like seriously the most attractive man I've ever laid my eyes upon? And trust me babe, these eyes have seen many a beautiful man. But you, by far, take the cake. Like, the wedding cake. Get it?"

"Yes."

"Great! Wanna go out with me?"

"What?!" Sasuke squawked. "You can't just... you can't ask like _that_!"

"Like what? Not romantic enough? Want me to kiss you again?"

"Well I wouldn't be _opposed—_ mmph!"

Naturally, Naruto took the opportunity to once again mash their lips together, teeth clacking, tongues grazing against each other. He was _about_ to do a super cool trick he'd practiced on a cherry stem, twirling his tongue around Sasuke's to pull it into his mouth, when the door fell open.

Both of them froze, lips still fused together when Itachi's mocking voice washed over them. "Ah, Otouto, I could have sworn you said you that you _didn't_ like Naruto? Did I perhaps hear wrong, little brother?"

Their mouths disconnected away with a sharp pop, Naruto looking smug and Sasuke with a bright pink blush staining his cheeks. "Go away, Aniki!"

"What, so you can make-out right in the open? Absolutely not."

" _Aniki,_ " Sasuke whined, burying his hot face in Naruto's shoulder. " _Stop talking._ " The blonde rubbed his back, feeling the ridges of his binder beneath his fingertips. Shit, he should probably take that off soon, it'd definitely been eight hours.

"C'mon Itachi, don't make fun of him!" he jibed, though he wanted to tease Sasuke some more himself. Maybe bring out his faint freckles by raising the color of the adorable flush across his face.

"I'm not," snapped the older Uchiha. "I'm grappling for some sense of public decency."

"Great! Let's go inside—"

"NO."

"Aww Sasuke, don't be a prick!"

"I said NO. I'm going inside. You're staying out here. Goodnight."

Before he could walk inside, he turned back to Naruto, the cute pink still on his face. "Yeah, I'll go out with you. Text me later."

And Naruto had absolutely never been more proud of himself.

Even though Itachi was glaring into the back of his head because of the hickey he'd left on his little brother.

* * *

Naruto was positively giddy all night long.

His head was racing, pounding with the memory of Sasuke's sweet taste, familiar smell, the press of his body against his own and the delicious movement of their mouths, even though he'd done his best to minimize the use of his tongue.

That would be hard to do.

But _no_ , because Sasuke didn't need that right now. He needed somebody to love him, take care of him, and to love someone else back too, and Naruto would step in for that position.

He'd be the guy that was there when Sasuke didn't know what to do, he'd hold his hand when he was scared on roller-coasters, he'd snuggle with him when he was cold, he'd nuzzle his cheeks when they were red, he'd make him breakfast, he'd defend him against biggots and rude people, whether racist or transphobic or sexist or simply plain jerks, and just _love_ him.

And all he wanted in return was Sasuke.

He figured he could manage that.

He could manage loving one of the bravest men he'd ever met.

How fucking hard could it be?


	15. Overdose

Naruto wasn't really a theorist, but he did come up with some pretty stupid shit. His theories got better every day, as he convinced himself. He knew every time he lost a sock, he got a new tupperware-container lid. He knew everytime there was a cold draft, a ghost drifted by. He knew the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaned because a sumo wrestler was hidden inside.

And he knew that Sasuke got prettier every time he saw him.

Naruto had decided their date should be at the fancy resturant where Jonothan worked. The place was perfectly classy, and just right for Sasuke, in his opinion. The chandeliers were made of shiny glass droplets that dangled prettily from their metal bulbs, the entire place drenched in glowing candlelight and crowded with gentlemen.

And the food was awesome! Jonothan really could cook!

Sasuke was flushed pink as the waiter pulled out his chair, fingers fidgeting nervously with his white button up. Naruto flashed a smile, and recieved a shaky one back as Sasuke settled down.

"How was your week?" he asked immediately, knowing that he was first going to break the ice before things got too awkward. The Uchiha cleared his throat and scratched his wrist.

"Pretty uneventful," he mumbled. "Just... did some school, hung out with Itachi, tutored an idiot blonde, you know, the usual."

"Idiot!?" Naruto squawked. "I'm not an idiot! I'm just stupid!"

Sasuke snickered into his fist. "Hm... sure."

"Trust me babe, (Naruto tried not to grin at the blush that pinkened Sasuke's skin) I know an idiot when I see one. Ever met Deidara?"

"I'm going to tell him you said that. But I'm going to exaggerate it so he cries. Then Sasori'll beat you up."

Naruto groaned a little. "Vicious, sweetheart. Vicious."

The pretty waitress brought their dinners a few minutes later, right in the middle of some very loud small talk from Naruto and flushed pink cheeks as Sasuke tried to quiet him down some.

Naruto moaned obnoxiously as he forked fresh pasta into his mouth, eyeing Sasuke as the Uchiha poked lightly at his honey-glazed fish, his pretty eyes dark— well, darker than usual.

He held his fork limp in his hand, his lip snagged between his teeth, nose wrinkled as if he was disgusted with the food, which honestly smelled heavenly to Naruto. He figured maybe Sasuke just didn't like fish, but he wouldn't have ordered it if he didn't.

Naruto wasn't that stupid though. He could tell Sasuke had trouble with eating things. From his slender thiighs to his teeny-tiny wrists and arms, the Uchiha was just way too thin to be healthy. And Naruto wanted him to be healthy and happy, even if recovery time took him a while.

And he wanted to be with him the whole journey.

"Just taste it," he said quietly. "If you don't like it, we can order you something else."

Sasuke shook his head silently. "I'm not hungry," he mumbled. "I might throw up."

Naruto remembered the last time he said that. His skin washed in moonlight as he sat in the coffe-shop, trembling fingers gripping the stem of the cakepop tight. He'd gagged the second the rosy pink icing had touched his lips, and it made Naruto sad.

"Please? I promise you'll like it," he insisted, grazing his shoe up and down Sasuke's calf under the table.

"I don't _want_ it," the Uchiha insisted, but Naruto held his ground.

"One bite," he said firmly. "Just one."

Sasuke took one bite, then tried to push the food away from him. The blonde pressed the plate back. "One more," he challenged. After Sasuke did, he told him to drink some water.

"Just one more, you can do it. Promise. Maybe try some of the broccoli?"

Sasuke hand was trembling this time, but he lowered the greens into his mouth, pursing his lips around the fork and pulling it, clean, from his mouth. Naruto reached for his hand, tucking his fingers around the pale ones.

"One more."

* * *

Sasuke's plate was cleared by the time the waitress came around, but he vehemently denied desert, so Naruto let him have it. Unfortunately, the waitress was persistant.

"Are you _sure_?" she demanded. "You're so skinny..."

The Uchiha paled, even more so, and snapped his pretty obsidian gaze down to the table. He snatched his hand from Naruto's, but the blonde wasn't about to excuse such behavior.

"What the hell, lady?" he snapped, standing up. His defensiveness for his friends was rising in his chest, swirling in his veins as he worked himself up. "Don't you talk to him like that! What the hell is wrong with you? Get your manager!"

"I was just trying—"

"Yeah, yeah. Get your manager!"

After a good long talking to about his nosy waitress —Which Sasuke didn't try to stop— Naruto drove him home.

He had on hand on the wheel, the other tucked snugly into his date's as he drove down the long road, humming obnoxiously to the Panic! At the disco song that was playing on his old radio.

Sasuke was snickering, his head propped on his free hand, cheek pressed against the window as Naruto screeched, "If you love me let me GOOOOOOOOO!" along with Brendon Urie.

"Sing with me!" he crowed, squeezing slender fingers. "It's Gospel, baby, you can't _not_ sing!"

"For the thousandth time, don't _call_ me that!" Sasuke snapped, whacking him with the paper fan tucked into the console. "Don't get violent! I might swerve!"

"Can it, blondie!"

"HEY! Teme!"

"Dobe!"

They bickered until they got to the house, plenty of time before the 10:30 mark, which Naruto himself was pretty proud of. He held open the door and everything as they entered the quiet house.

"Aniki's probably with Kisame," Sasuke said quietly. "He told me to call him when we got back."

"Ooh, so we're home alone?" Naruto sang, placing the leftover food on the counter and slowly crowding Sasuke against it. The Uchiha hummed, lifting a finger and dancing it slowly along his chest.

"Yeah..." he murmured, a slow smile spreading across his face as Naruto planted his hands on his hips. "What're you gonna do about that?"

Naruto, after reminding himself to be gentle, pressed him gently against the countertop, causing Sasuke's back to bow slightly as he placed a single kiss on his neck. He then lifted his head and kissed him, once, twice, three times on his pretty little mouth.

Sliding his hands under the warm shirt, he rubbed soft circles on his hips as he parted his lips, sucking lightly on Sasuke's tongue.

Unfortunately, they couldn't really get into it, because his phone rang, Kakuzu's picture showing up as the contact. Knowing the miser didn't call because he usually texted, Naruto pressed answer, lifting an arm around Sasuke's shoulders as he held the phone to his ear.

"Hey, what's—"

"Hidan overdosed again, there's fucking cocaine all over the counter. I can't find him. He's not at the house. His knife's gone."


	16. Another time for everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so as you can see, I've renamed all the chapters to something pertaining to the title because it was bugging me... just wanted to clear up any confusion :)
> 
> Also, we all know Naruto's temper. He's sweet and kind, but when someone else is in danger, he's a fucking maniac. Also, people make bad choices when they're under stress, so please don't come at me for this or call Naruto something bad...
> 
> This chapter is triggering. Mind the tags

Sasuke had thought the night had gone mostly well. They'd gone to a nice dinner, had a good conversation, held hands...

But then the waitress had screwed up, Naruto made him eat, and the food was actually _good_.

(He was planning on throwing it all back up when he got home anyway, maybe doing a few sets of push-ups, possibly sneaking a run in before Itachi got home)

But then it had all gone to shit.

Naruto was staring at the phone, his eyes wide with horror-tinged confusion, his lips slightly parted. He continued boring his gaze into the black screen for about thrity seconds, before he shoved it back into his pocket.

"Shit," he whispered. "Shit... SHIT. Fucking... fuck."

Sasuke slowly unlooped his arms from around Naruto's neck, resting his hands lightly on his chest. "Is everything... okay?"

" _No_ ," the Uzumaki snapped, his voice strangly rough for his usual persona as he shoved Sasuke's hands uncerimoniously off his chest, running shaky fingers through his brightly-colored hair.

This would have been a good time for Sasuke to properly _worry_ about the person he was currently dating. Maybe give him some space, grab him some water, tell him he could _go_ and take care of whatever was going on.

He could have tried to understand, soothed Naruto and calmed him down, maybe give an encouraging smile.

But he screwed it up, just as he had screwed up Itachi and Kakashi's life, like he'd screwed up his mind, his own fucking body.

He bitched about it.

"Well geez," he snapped, planting his hands roughly on his hips. "You don't have to be rude or anything. What the hell happened?"

Naruto's mouth (the same one Sasuke had been kissing earlier) dropped open. He seemed kind of in shock, as if Sasuke had said something so incredibly terrible. But still, Naruto shouldn't have been rude.

But from his reaction, maybe he should have been.

"What the hell?!" he demanded, furious, skin flushing dark red from his cheeks up to the tips of his ears, the scars on his face jutting out more prominently then the Uchiha remembered.

"What?" Sasuke snapped, self-conscious now, hating the look on Naruto's face.

The blonde's fury spiked again.

"Why the fuck are you being a dick?" he growled. "I take you out on a nice date, pay for your dinner, bring you home, and all of a sudden, when I get a _concerning_ call, you get pissed?"

"I think you're the pissed one," Sasuke retorted, internally wincing at the hurt on Naruto's face. _Why am I like this?_

"I'm not _pissed_ ," spat Naruto. "I'm fucking _worried_ about my friend, who just inhaled so much cocaine that he's gonna try and _kill himself_ again, and his boyfriend who can't see straight 'cause he's so scared. I'm also a little bit worried about Neji, who's living with an abusive uncle, and I'm a little concerned about _his_ boyfriend, becuase Neji was his reason for fucking _living_.

"I'm worried that Sakura'll always be too focused on what other people think instead of her amazing self, and that Deidara won't ever see how great he is, that Shisui won't be able to afford dinner next week, that Gaara'll have a panic attack and nobody'll be there for him, and _you_."

Sasuke pressed himself further back into the counter, eyes wide.

"I'm so fucking worried about you. I'm scared you're gonna forget to take off your binder, purposeful or not, and _ruin_ your lungs. I'm worried you ain't gonna eat _any_ food for the rest of your life until you starve, and me and Itachi or Kakashi's not gonna _be_ there for you when you _need_ us."

Sasuke shoved off the counter, furious.

"Joke's on you," he jeered. "I'm gonna puke up _everything_ you just _shoved down my throat._ I've been doing it since I was14! Fucking _14_! You CAN'T make me stop now!"

Naruto's sapphire eyes flashed ruby.

"This is the problem!" he roared, forcing Sasuke to cower back against the counter. "You're too scared to let anyone _help_ you! Itachi wants to, Kakashi wants to, I want to, hell, _Kisame_ wants to."

The Uchiha tried to intervene, but the blonde bulldozed over him

"We're trying to get close to you, then we think you're getting better, but _noooo_. You go straight back to the way you were before! It's like you're _scared_ to get better or something!"

A wet sob clawed it's way out of Sasuke's throat, because damn, Naruto hit it straight home.

Getting better meant getting fat.

Stopping the drugs meant being lucid for the world he didn't wanna be in.

Letting people into his life meant everyone leaving him again.

Loving his body meant being overconfident and... falling again.

He hated it. Hated himself. It was easier that way.

Better that way.

Safer that way.

"This is why I _hate_ people," he finally whispered. "You try to understand for a few weeks, few days. In 'Tachi's case, a few years. You try, you _act_ like you try." Sasuke looked up, swiping blandly at the tears.

"You're the best actor yet, believe it or not. I can tell when 'Tachi gets exasperated now, you know?"

A humourless laugh darted from between his lips, ragged and filled with his pain.

"But then you get tired of taking care of me. You all do. Dad certainly did. I don't eat, you get mad. I bind my chest down, you get mad. I... I try to be _happy_ , and you get _mad_. But I get it, I'm a tiring person.

"My pathetic little existance is exhausting. I get it, I really do."

He closed his eyes.

"But I kinda wish you'd stop trying. Just makes it worst. Because _no_ you don't understand, and _no_ , even if you try, you never will. Not that most people try."

The whole time, Naruto had been standing there with wide eyes, hurt and shimmering with a glossy sheen of tears. He pressed a hand to his forehead, and Sasuke tried not to remember how many times Itachi had done that.

"That shit won't make you happy in the long run," he mumbled, in that stupid condescending tone that's supposed to be comforting. "We just want what's best—"

Sasuke slammed his hands on the counter.

Then he withered, shaking hands clutching at the hem of his suit jacket.

"I know," he muttered. "I've heard it a million times."

Naruto bowed his head, as if understanding that no matter what he _said,_ it wouldn't make anything better.

Sasuke cleared his throat.

"Go find your friend. He needs you now."

Naruto stared for a second, then nodded slowly, snatching his keys and leaving. To his credit, he tried to tell Sasuke that he wanted to see him again soon, but the Uchiha pointed firmly at the door.

" _Go_ ," he spat, and Naruto did.

Sasuke wiped the tears away after the door clicked shut.

"Everyone leaves," he muttered firmly. "I need to get used to it."

_Itachi and Kakshi are bound to turn on me soon anyway._

He did his pushups, went on a run in his bandages, smoked three joints and snuffed them on his skin before he felt ready for bed.

Sleep didn't come easy, but then again, nothing in his life was easy anymore.


	17. Permanent marks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, different point of view. We get to see the results of the fight from Itachi's eyes. Alsoooo some Kisaita smut at the beginning, but it's my first time writing smut so hope it doesn't go horribly wrong.

Sasuke was already asleep when Itachi got home, though honestly, he wasn't paying attention.

He trusted Naruto to bring his Otouto home on time.

Plus, he had incredibly different priorities at the moment...

Itachi shuffled, clumsy, for once, into his house, his waist in a vice grip by Kisame, who was nibbling on his neck, slowly tracing his free hand up and down Itachi's stomach, kneading his fingers and stroking his hip.

"We have to be quiet," he hissed, even as Kisame easily lifted him onto the counter, kissing up his jaw as he spread his creamy thighs on the cold granite.

"I'm the king of quiet," teased Kisame, his silvery eyes sparking with unconcealed lust. Itachi snorted as he felt the buttons of his slowly shirt being tugged free, thick and clumsy fingers careful not to rip the fabric and fumbling at the same time.

The Uchiha carded trembling fingers through dense, blue, coarse hair, revelling at the jumping nerves throughout his body while the Hoshigaki continued to lave the column of his neck with kisses and red bite marks.

"Don't leave anything permanent," he muttered.

_Sasuke would not want to see a hickie on his brother's neck._

Kisame snorted, giving his thighs a quick squeeze before he scooped his fingers around the muscles, kneading as he carried him into the living room.

Dropping him uncerimoniously on the couch, the Hoshigaki lowered himself over the willing body below him and thrust his knee between his legs, grinding it slowly. A shuddering gasp ghosted across the skin of his cheek, and he drank in Itachi's pleasure with half-lidded, silver-shaded eyes.

"I'm going to make you _scream_ ," he murmured, pressing his lips to the sweaty expanse of soft, moon-pale skin below him. (Yeah, he was ignoring the fact that he needed to be quiet.)

"I'm gonna tear you apart, fuck you raw and suck you dry. I swear you won't be able to walk tomorrow." Kisame's promise whispered across Itachi's chest like wind across a prairie, tinging his nerves with excitement and strengthening his arousal.

Kisame knew how much Itachi _loved_ dirty talk, even if he wouldn't admit it.

"You're gonna be so covered in bite-marks and hickies Sasuke'll think you got _mauled_ , and Kakashi might never let you see me again..."

Itachi threw his head back.

Kisame leaned down, grazing his tongue over the Uchiha's sternum, smirking at the sweetness as he dipped his head even further down Itachi's body. He lowered his lips around a stiffened nipple, pursed his lips around the sensitive, rosy-pink bud and _sucked_.

Itachi hissed out a gasp, flexing his legs and curving his back in a perfect arch, giving Kisame easier leverage to curl his fingers around the hips below him, kneading the creamy skin with reverance.

His angel deserved all he could give.

The Hoshigaki flicked the button of Itachi's pants open, freckling the flushed skin below him with wet pecks and gently pulled them down his hips, leering at the perfect, delicious hip bones and the dip of his illiac furrow.

A damp spot of pre-cum had _already_ soaked the front of his boxers, even though all Kisame had done down there was slowly grind his knee in little circles, revelling in the stiffening he'd felt against his thigh.

"Oh, baby..." he crooned softly, before he brought his hand down and massaged all around and over Itachi's growing arousal, grinning at the hardening rod against his palm. Itachi groaned, turning his face and burying it into the couch so he wouldn't bee too loud.

"Do something other than leer at me," he snapped, his pretty composure dissipating as his erection grew. "It's annoying and gets nothing done."

"Sweetheart, you just wanne get fucked," teased Kisame, even as he stuck his fingers into his mouth, slickening them enough so he wouldn't hurt his precious angel.

(He hadn't introduced the nickname yet, unsure of how Itachi would react)

"Ready?" he whispered, not waiting for a response as he slowly, carefully pressed one finger against Itachi's enterance. The ring of sinched muscle parted easily for him, and he groaned at the low moan that escaped Itachi as he dipped into his body.

His lover was usually so quiet whenever they had sex, so terrified that someone would find them or know _exactly_ what was going on.

But now Sasuke was sleeping like the dead.

Kakashi wasn't home.

Itachi was so stressed even Kisame could tell.

He needed this.

He thrust his hips against Itachi's in a sensual grind as he pumped in and out of the willing body beneath him, the lust thickening in his eyes at every gasp, groan and hiss as he pressed against his prostate.

Three fingers later, his angel snatched his collar and ripped him closer to him. " _Fuck me..."_ he moaned, his breath brushing against the shell of his ear in a delicious gasp. " _Now."_

Who was Kisame to deny him?

He brought Itachi's knees to his chest, then gently pressed his sex against his entrance, a low groan tearing out of his throat against his will as he thrust in in a single, smooth motion.

* * *

Itachi _was_ sore when he woke up the next morning.

His lower back pulsed, his ass throbbed, and even the back of his head hurt from where Kisame had snared his hair in his fingers as he fucked him into the couch cusions the night before.

Groaning, he dragged himself out of bed, at 6 in the morning, to go prepare the coffee for himself and Kakashi.

To his suprirse, Sasuke was passed out at the table, his head ducked between his arms, his unruly black mane of hair fluffed out behind his head. A pencil was lodged between his fingers, the pages of a science textbook slotted between his hand and the table.

Itachi sighed a little, kissing the back of his brother's head and walking over to the counter, his lip tipping as he remembered the happenings on said counter last night. Plucking a cat-paw-patterned mug from the counter, he dumped the cofee-grinds in the container, filling up the back of the machine and pressing the 'prepare' button.

He bringing the sugar down from the shelf when he heard the first sniffle.

His big brother sense tingled.

Whipping around, his long hair slapped him roughly in the shoulder as he plunked the sugar firmly down on the counter. Almost instantly, he noticed the awkward silence and the strange stillness of Sasuke's body. His shoulders didn't move up and down with every breath, nor could the sounds of his breathing be heard, and Itachi could tell there was an odd stiffness to the way he was 'sleeping'.

He sighed.

"Otouto," Itachi called, resting his aching lower back against the cool edge of the counter and folding his arms across his chest. "I know you aren't asleep. If you're going to pretend, at least keep breathing."

Sasuke just nuzzled closer to his forearms, which were probably indented with the press of his forehead against the skin.

Itachi shrugged and turned back to the kitchen cabinets, pulling out a whisk and a pan. He turned on the stove, enjoying the warm glow against his chilled body as he went to the fridge and brought out eggs and a cardboard carton of milk.

He swept a glance over to his brother, barely noticing the tremble of his shoulders and the shaky breathing.

Itachi was about to set the items down on the opposite counter, before he regestered what he had seen and whirled back around.

"Sasuke," he said, raising his voice a tad and adding a hint of authority. "What's the matter."

The grumble of, "Nothing," didn't answer his question like he wanted it to.

Itachi clicked off the stove and marched over to the table, sitting down in the chair opposite his Otouto. "Answer me," he said firmly. "You rarely fake that you're asleep." After he didn't get an answer, _again_ , he reached over and buried his hand in Sasuke's hair, being gentle, unlike the tone of his voice.

"Will you please talk to me? It's just me. It's Nii-san. I'll do my best to understand, or at least empathize."

When a shaky sob trembled out of Sasuke's body, Itachi decided he'd been patient for long enough, and reached out to tip his brother's chin up.

He froze at the sight of the cascade of tears streaming down his flushed pink face.

"What's the matter?" he asked immediately. "Are you okay? Sick? Hurt? Um..." he racked his brain. Sasuke didn't cry when he was sick, really, all he did was demand soup and a bunch of blankets and the dumbest reality TV show he could find. (He said it was because _Keeping Up With the Kardashians_ made Kakashi miserable, which made Sasuke slightly _less_ miserable)

Sasuke only cried when their mother died, he was dysphoric, or...

Or if it was that time of the month.

Itachi felt like that wasn't his place to ask about though, so he carefully stroked his brother's cheek. "What's the matter, Otouto?"

Sasuke heaved in a trembling breath, pressing his damp skin against Itachi's hand. His voice was shaky, scared... so unlike the usual confidence he held.

"I... I fucked up, Aniki. And I don't... I dunno if I can fix it this time."


	18. "It makes my soul burn"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Graphic descriptions of violence, overdosing, and blood.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry for how late this was, but my mom was having a hard day so I wanted to make her something, but my stupid sewing machine was being a pain lol.

So as it turned out, Kakuzu hadn't nearly described the situation in a whole.

When Naruto got there in a screeching shout of grating metal, Kakuzu was darting around their shared apartment, checking cabinets and behind doors, because Hidan was slight enough to fit in both.

Naruto froze when he saw the table.

Clumps of white powder was dusted all over the table, as well as a few hollow sticks and...

Nausea roiled in his stomach when he noted he blood speckled all over the wooden surface, as well as the few smears on the floor and counters. The thick metal steak knife was gone from the holder, and Naruto couldn't breathe.

Kakuzu was staring lifelessly at one of the many photos on the wall.

Naruto had been there when that picture was taken.

Hidan was holding an empty McDonald's cup, passed out on Kakuzu's lap with half a chicken nugget locked between his fingers. Kakuzu had one arm draped over Hidan's hip, and his lips were held lightly against his boyfriend's forehead in a gentle press.

Neji was there, too, though he was splayed across the top of the table while Shikamaru stroked his back in little circles. The shell of Shisui's ear was in the photo, so was Ino's shoulder and Naruto's cheeseburger.

Sakura had taken the picture, the tips of her fingers held in a peace-sign visible in the photo.

They had gone to McDonald's after a concert, completely out of money but not ready to go home yet. (Even if half of them had passed out on the table and had to be driven home and carried to bed)

In the present, brought from his memories, Kakuzu cleared his throat.

"I don't know where he is."

Air sifted out of Naruto's lungs as he inhaled slowly.

"We can check a few places. Like... like his box, right?"

Hidan had been homeless after his family had kicked him out, and had lived in a little alleyway in a huge, old, rain-laden, torn-up cardboard box that was stone-scraped and smelled of mildew.

He still went there sometimes. He said he'd lost something there, and couldn't remember what it was but he always wanted ot find it.

Kakuzu nodded shakily. "Let's check his box. Then the cemetary."

Hidan's baby sister and mother had been buried there. He said they wouldn't have hit him when they found out who he was dating, since his mom always loved him no matter what.

(His sister was a stillborne baby, his mother died during the birth)

The drive to Hidan's box was silent, save for the spattering of fat raindrops pelting against the car roof and Kakuzu tapping his fingers on the worn leather seats.

The alley was as crummy as it had always been.

But this time, there was a sense of foreboding and dread, pain and the scent of blood and dappered out weed.

Naruto couldn't breathe.

Hidan was curled up in his box, facing him and Kakuzu. His cheeks and palms were scraped as if he had fallen on the stony floor of the alley, and his hair was a tangled snarl of silver strands. His eyes were swollen with red blood and black... fuck, Naruto hoped that was mascara, pupils dilated to the max so only a ring of magenta was showing.

His wrists were stained with blood, marred with long gashes and muddled skin, his pants and underwear torn to tatters since he had used the knife on his legs and waist and pelvis, too.

He was covered in what looked like snow, the skin beneath his nostrils flaring with red. A maroon-tipped box of old cigarettes with curling cursive was tucked beneath his blood-soaked arm.

A shadow of a whisper escaped Kakuzu's lips, before he was rushing towards Hidan, kneeling and reaching towards him as Naruto scrambled to call 911.

Unfortunately, he barely got that far.

Hidan screeched suddenly, reaching trembling and desperate hands towards him, tears streaking down his scarily pale face. "Nonononononono!" he wailed, thrashing angrily in Kakuzu's arms.

"Don't call them!" he pleaded. "Don't call them... no, no... they stick me with needles and make me drink brown slushies that taste like shit and give me red pills and blue pills and white pills and they hurt... fuck it _hurts,_ 'Kuzu I don't want it to hurt anymore..."

Another wet sob snared in his throat, and Naruto wilted, though still pressed the three digits shakily into the screen.

Because he cared for Hidan, and this would make him better.

Kakuzu rubbed Hidan's neck, huge hands surprisingly gentle. "Dumbass..." he whispered. "That stuff's medicine. It'll make you better."

"I don't want to be fucking _better_. I'm fine just the way I am."

Kakuzu scoffed and pulled off his coat, wrapping it around Hidan, who was nearly naked after the multiple times he'd torn the knife across his skin. "You're brain is sick," he said quietly. "It's... your brain doesn't work the way it should, and it messes you up sometimes. And if you'd actually _take_ the medicine they gave you—"

Hidan's eyes narrowed.

"It makes my soul _burn_."

Kakuzu swallowed thickly, and then they heard the ambulence in the distance.

* * *

The hospital waiting room should have been more comforting.

It was a place where people waited to see if their loved ones were okay. To wait for the first treatment, maybe the last treatment, sitting through hours long surgeries and short checkups and borken bones and gouges and...

And cocaine overdoses.

Hidan had to be taken to the ICU, where he had to be strapped down so they could try and slow the beating of his heart, and some other long-ass procedure Naruto could barely listen to.

Kakuzu was a pacing mess, his hair unruly and his hands trembling.

Until everyone got there.

Sakura and Ino and Shikamaru and Chouji and Deidara and Sasori and Shisui and Sai and Gaara and Lee Haku and even Zabuza were all there, all piling onto the tiny hospital couch that was in the waiting room.

Elbows were dug into people's ribs, some people had to sit on other's laps and no one was comfortable, but it was fine.

Deidara was piled on Sasori's lap beside Naruto, and he reached out so Naruto could snuggle into his shoulder, blotting his tears on his sleep-shirt.

Then the phone rang in his pocket, and he snatched it out immediately.

 _Sasuke_ , the screen read.

He'd never picked up a call so fast.

"Baby?" he choked out, getting a squeeze on the hand from Ino as he hurried outside. "Hey, look, I'm so sorry, I said some stupid shit that you didn't need to hear and you didn't _deserve_ to hear, and I'm a jackass, okay?"

There was a pause on the other end, before, "It wasn't all your fault. I was... a stupid insensitive jerk. And I was being an ass too, okay? I don't know what happened, but I shouldn't have—"

"Hidan overdosed."

Maybe he shouldn't have told him, but he was dying to justify his stupid words.

"What?" Sasuke gasped across the phone, and Naruto heard the rustling of fabric as he stood up. "Is he okay? Wait, he's dating Kakuzu, right? Is he okay?"

"We don't know yet," Naruto mumbled, leaning heavily against the wall, and Sasuke groaned. "I really am an asshole," he muttered. Naruto paused, but then shrugged. "We both said some stupid shit. I'm sorry, do you forgive me?"

"Yes. And I'm sorry too."

"I forgive you."

The sun seemed to come out a little bit, especially when Sasuke showed up at the hospital with a few bags of Wendy's fastfood for everyone to eat while they waited. He snuggled into Naruto on the tiny little couch, and maybe things would be okay again.


	19. I'm being stupid, I know I'm not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I realized that their fight was over wayyy to quickly, so I had to rewire some of the plot to fit how I wanted it to. Apologies!

Sasuke was being stupid.

So, _so_ stupid, and over-emotional, and whiny and unbearably sensitive and...

And a lot of other things.

Naruto had apologized, and Sasuke had apologized, and Itachi told him he should try to understand everything from Naruto's point of view. So he tried, he really, really did. But he couldn't wrap his head around it.

Then again, he'd never had to really worry about a friend going through a rough patch, since he hadn't had any friends until now.

Friends seemed to be a lot of stress, so far.

He didn't understand why Naruto had booked it straight over to Hidan and Kakuzu's house with such a terrified look on his face. He didn't get it when Naruto had been so bitter when Sasuke had asked his dumbass question.

He didn't understand how Naruto had slammed _so_ close to home with just a few stupid words.

_It's like you're_ scared _to get better or something_!

_You go straight back to the way you were before!_

_We just want what's best._

_That shit won't make you happy in the long run._

_I'm so fucking worried about you. I'm scared you're gonna forget to take off your binder, purposeful or not, and ruin your lungs. I'm worried you ain't gonna eat any food for the rest of your life until you starve, and me and Itachi or Kakashi's not gonna be there for you when you need us._

Fuck, Sasuke hated people.

He was a waste of time anyway, he wasn't getting better anytime soon, but he honestly didn't think Naruto would get so sick and tired of him as fast as he had. He didn't really think that he would be the only person Naruto got angry at in his entire friend group.

But right.

The cursed Uchiha genes, that screwed with people's heads, made others be born in the wrong bodies, made people die too soon, made people move and get bullied and leave everyone behind.

Sasuke was fucking _special_.

* * *

In the present, Sasuke was tucked neatly under Naruto's arm, even though he didn't want to be.

He really didn't want to be touched; not by Naruto, not by Kakashi, hell, he'd probably be upset if Itachi touched him.

His skin burned where it was pressed sweatily against the blonde's bare arm, the fabric constricting his chest was way too tight, his sweatpants were chafing his skin, and his stomach felt distorted from when Haku had made him finish his fries with a strangely knowing look on his face.

But Sasuke had already made Naruto upset enough for one night, _plus_ he kind of had a right to be more worried about Hidan then Sasuke's issue with being touched by anyone other than his brother.

He wanted Itachi.

 _But_ Itachi had been the one who told him to settle the issue with Naruto (and probably did him a favor in the process).

His brother's words still swirled around his head, like a late assignment that he knew he was going to fail, though just as damaging as a tsunami and as hurtful as a gunshot wound.

_Naruto didn't mean any of what he said, Otouto._

_Sometimes you just need to let things go, and try to see things from the other person's point of view._

_People make bad choices when they're upset, especially if they're angry or under stress._

_You weren't in the right either, Sasuke. Both of you said hurtful things._

_Just talk to him._

_You know Sasuke... he did seem to be very on-point with his statement._

_You scared him._

_Otouto, you sometimes... truly don't seem to want to get better._

Sasuke breathed in slowly, subtly trying to pull his face away from Naruto's chest, even if he _did_ smell unbearably good. The skin on skin contact was making his stomach roil, and Deidara's foot pressed against his didn't really help.

But he was just being stupid again, because absolutley none of this was Naruto's fault.

He was being bitchy, again.

His boyfriend hadn't been wrong, Sasuke was being a brat and so he'd been put in his place, as he deserved.

 _Naruto's kind of like_ _dad was,_ he decided. _He picked me apart and acted like he understood what I was going through. Then when I thought he could empathize, he turned around and reminded me that I was being stupid._

Sasuke bit his lip.

_Hey, look, I'm so sorry, I said some stupid shit that you didn't need to hear and you didn't deserve to hear, and I'm a jackass, okay?_

Sasuke knew Naruto didn't _actually_ mean one bit of that apology shit.

Sasuke really was stupid for letting these people into his heart.

It was only a matter of time until Naruto left too.


	20. Walled in

The thing was, Sasuke knew he was totally safe.

He knew that no matter what, Naruto _wouldn't_ hit him if he did something wrong. He knew Naruto was trying to understand what was going on with him. He knew that everyone, Naruto, Kakashi, _Itachi_ just wanted him to be safe.

But there was a tension-thick lingering sensation in his heart that he was going to get hurt again.

Naruto's words had bitten deep enough, and Itachi's argument hadn't helped.

Well, it cleared some things up.

They still didn't _get it._

They never would.

Even if he and Naruto's relationship lasted for a long time, Sasuke would always flinch when he got yelled at (which would probably be a lot). Even if Naruto understood better than anyone else, he would still get bitter and snap at him when Sasuke screwed up.

Like his dad.

He was scared, again.

Sasuke hated being scared, knowing there was nothing he could do to make it better.

He couldn't crawl into Itachi's bed when the storm inside his head got too loud anymore. He had to deal with it without warm arms, worn, cotton sheets, the scent of vanilla and books and coffee, a gentle hand soothing up and down his back.

Sasuke couldn't talk to Kakashi, either.

The man had left his whole life behind for him, and he wasn't about to admit to him that he was _scared_ of his own boyfriend.

Which he wasn't!

He was just wary; just being safe.

Protecting himself, because no one else would do it for him.

He just didn't like it when Naruto ran his fingers up and down his stomach without asking. He hated it when the blonde tried to _fix_ him, acting like he was broken. He hated it when Naruto acted like he was a little kid.

He wasn't.

And both he and Itachi needed to learn that he could take care of himself now.

* * *

Snuggled up against Naruto's chest, a hot coffee from McDonald's in his hand, and a soft hoodie that probably belonged to someone that wasn't him, Sasuke should have been comfortable and warm and...

Safe.

But he just wanted the skin-on-skin, burning feeling to disappear. He wanted his flesh to burn and melt away, he wanted the fingernails to stop scratching gently into his shoulder, he wanted the cheek pressed against his own to _get off._

Too entangled in his own thoughts, he barely noticed when a gentle hand began to rub circles into his back, a soft thumb tracing his jawbone.

Ah, Naruto must have woken up.

"Mornin," he hummed, yawning with a smile tilting his lips.

His teeth glinted in the cheap hospital lining, and his eyes were glazed and drowsy with exhaustion and pure worry.

Sasuke ducked his head.

"Hey," he muttered.

Now that Naruto was awayke, Sasuke could escape, and he took advantage of his situation.

He jerked away, mumbling something about the bathroom as he scurried down the hall, his feet slapping against the sterile tiles of the floor beneath him. He didn't see the worried light-blue eyes attached at his back.

The bathroom smelled like handsoap that he'd find in the dollar-tree, the wall laden with health-posters and papers on how to wash your hands in Spanish, Japanese and French. The metal sinks were dull, as well as the squeaky faucets and dingy soap containers.

His stomach rolled.

Throwing the door to the first stall open, Sasuke barely made it to his knees before all the fast-food he'd purged came back up, cleansing his stomach and burning like acid in his throat.

It felt good.

He shoved his fingers down the back of his throat, nails digging into his tonsils before he got sick again, nothing but bile coming back up.

_Damn it._

The door to the bathroom swung open, and he barely thought to snap the stall-door shut before tanned fingers with dark nail-polish painted on were gripping the edge of the door, firmly yaking it backwards.

A cloud with silver lining dangled from one ear, pretty blonde hair tied back into a messy ponytail, cerulean eyes angled downwards with black eyeliner winged neatly out to the side of his eyes.

Deidara arched an expertly plucked brow, leaning leisurely against the door

Sasuke's teeth clacked as he shut his mouth.

"Um... what are you doing?" he rasped, throat dry. "I'm kind of... busy."

Deidara scoffed.

"Busy puking your guts out, or busy sulking, un?"

The Uchiha glared. "I'm just busy. Shut up, blondie."

'Blondie' grinned. "Ooh, quite a mouth on you, huh. Maybe that's why Naruto likes you, un, he loves it when people learn to stand up for themselves."

"I've always been able to stand up for myself," Sasuke snapped, and Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Says the guy on his knees in front of the toilet."

Sasuke swallowed thickly. "I ate too much," he grumbled.

"Let me assure you, un, you didn't eat _nearly_ enough. Didn't even finish your fries," Deidara crooned, though he knelt beside Sasuke and brushed the raven-colored hair from his sweaty forehead.

Sasuke hated touch.

The blonde pulled back, eyes calculating, observing, scanning him up and down. "Naruto doesn't think you eat enough, un. He said he can't get you to eat anything he gives you."

The Uchiha swallowed, trying to bite back a flinch.

So now Naruto was telling everyone about him? He'd told Sasuke about Haku being transgender, about Hidan's drug habits, Sasori's personal life and a few things that _no one_ would want shared with others.

 _Damn it, dobe_.

Of course Naruto wasn't as great as Sasuke thought he was.

He couldn't keep secrets to save his life.

"Shut up," he grunted finally. "Naruto doesn't know the first thing about me." _And it took way too long for me to realize that._ "He just... he wants to help people. Guess I was his most recent project."

Deidara flicked him in the nose, condescending, though his eyes were thoughtful and his brow was wrinkled. "I don't... that's not how Naruto thinks," he said. "He loves... yeah, you're right, he loves to help people. But he loves getting to know them better, too."

Sasuke stood up, shaking Deidara's hands off of him. "Forgive me then," he sneered, "For mistaking Naruto for somebody who actually gave a shit."

The blonde narrowed his eyes. " _Naruto_ might be the _last_ person to 'give a shit' with your attitude."

_I know, believe me._

"You act so high and mighty."

_I don't know why I do that._

"You don't want anyone's help, un."

_Hey, if it's not broken, don't mess with it._

Deidara groaned a little bit. "You know, Uchiha, un, I think you could be good for him."

_Huh?!_

"Because he really shouldn't help others until he helps himself."

_What?_

"And lemme assure you," Deidara added, flipping his bangs out of his eyes and pulling on Sasuke's arm to get him to exit the bathroom. "If he doesn't get that help pretty soon, he's not gonna make it long enough to see you get better."


	21. Getting through to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter in Sasuke's POV, promise...

Sasuke was sick to his stomach, for perhaps the 100th time that day.

But for much different reasons.

Hidan was laying in a hospital bed, the thin mattress draped with anxious white sheets and a fluffy pillow too soft for his head. His silvery hair was fanned around his head in a sweaty sweep, arms bound down with white plastic ties.

Naruto's arm was tight around Sasuke's waist, nails digging into his hip, palm searing against his sweater.

Sasuke didn't want Naruto to be touching him.

Ino's blonde head was bowed, azure eyes wide, pupils dilated too far for anything to be healthy. Sai was staring blankly at the bed, though his grip on Ino's hand was tight, white knuckled and tense.

Gaara was frantically tapping the tips of his fingers against his collarbone, nose wrinkled as Lee draped a gentle arm around him.

Shikamaru was chewing on his lip.

Shisui couldn't hardly look at the bed, though his eyes were trained firmly on the pale, pained features twisted into a mottled grimace.

Sakura tapped her foot anxiously against the floor.

Haku clung to a concerned Zabuza.

Kakuzu, however, was the worst.

He thunked himself down firmly on a seat, his hand snatching out to tap his fingertips against Hidan's palm, as if to warn him he was there. Then he tightened his grip, pulling the slender hand close to his chest to press a kiss against the back of his palm.

His other hand stroked up and down Hidan's bare calf, the blankets having pooled in a dusky white pile beside his hip.

Naruto sat down too, wedging himself onto the same chair Haku was in. Haku himself had his face buried in the covers, nuzzling his nose into the mattress while Zabuza rubbed circles into his back.

Naturally though, since he had a vice grip on Sasuke, Naruto dragged Sasuke down with him, forcing the Uchiha to sit _in his lap_.

The dark haired male wanted to _escape_ , but he couldn't because of the firm grip on his waist, the gentle fingers tickling all over his hip, the warm lips pressing into the nape of his neck.

Panic tightened in his chest, and he tried to distract himself.

Sasuke flicked his gaze over to the corner of the room when he felt someone staring at him, scowling bitterly when he saw Deidara's azure eyes trained firmly on him. The blonde rolled his eyes at Sasuke's glare.

Naruto's skin is burning hot and feels like lava against his collar-bone, his leg is anxiously tapping despite the fact that Sasuke's on his lap. It's like he weighed nothing, which Sasuke knew for a fact wasn't true.

Ever since he'd gotten back from _there,_ the doctors and Itachi had watched the pounds on the scale get higher instead of lower, all breathing soft sighs of _relief_ as they scribbled his weight down on a blank sheet of paper.

It was good he was getting it back down though.

Naruto was clinging to Sasuke like he was his last hope, and most people would have _wanted_ their boyfriend to touch them, but he just wanted _out_. He wanted the hot, sticky grip off of his neck, the warm, puffed breaths against his neck to _stop_ , and he wanted to go back to the cool bathroom with the spattered mirror and cracked countertop.

But Hidan... Hidan made his chest hurt.

The man was shaky and trembling, pale and... scared? Maybe, he looked terrified. His sharp magenta eyes were too oddly dull, a dulled red peeking at the corners of his eyes and drawing towards his irises. His hospital gown did little to conceal his sunken stomach and plaster skin, slender, bony fingers and hollow cheekbones.

He couldn't speak, it seemed, but he was clinging to Kakuzu for all he was worth, pretty eyes pleading, lips trembling.

Ino leaned over him and kissed his forehead and Sakura pulled a dark blue blanket from her bag, which Kakuzu swept over the trembling body laid out on the hospital bed, tucking it carefully around Hidan.

Sasuke was going to be sick again.

He swept a kiss over Naruto's hair that made his lips burn, whispering he had to go to the restroom before he pulled away with jerky movements, his usual grace completely gone and thrust out the window.

He left everyone in the hospital room with their heavy hearts and damp eyes, knowing he'd only have to return soon.

* * *

The bathroom was cool and dry, though the floor was damp and smelled vile.

He didn't care.

There was nothing to get out of his system at the moment, he'd already gotten rid of all the fast-food and half the bile in his stomach, along with the lining in his throat, probably.

So he just kneeled there, hands splayed on the toilet lid, fingers curled over the rim.

He was disgusting.

After all the work Itachi and the doctors and _Naruto_ did to help him, he was curled up in a hospital bathroom, hanging over the toilet in some hope that something, anything, would happen that was good.

No more yelling from Naruto.

No more sighs from Itachi.

No more bullshit from Sasuke.

But everyone who talked to him was right, honestly. He didn't _want_ to get better, becuase there wasn't anything wrong with him.

Okay, that was a lie.

His father's mouth, hung open like a hinge as he lay over his desk, a pile off too many pills from his suicide rattling in the bottle was buried too far in his thoughts to get rid of. His mother's death was engraved in his head, the image of her mangled body in the car that hadn't stopped in time. The stone-cold doctor's words as he told them that she hadn't survived the surgery was twined in his brain.

Sasuke bowed his head.

He _hated_ his breasts, true as any fact, like the grass was green or the sky was blue.

But he was afraid of surgery.

Scared of going under any knife, closing his eyes for the anesthesia only to never open them again. Was that normal? Itachi said it was fine, considering his past, but he didn't think so. He figured it wasn't right. Maybe he wasn't as much of a man as Itachi said he was, since he was far too scared to even consider getting the surgery.

Strange.

Scared of doctors and their surgical tools, but not too scared to drag a knife down his thighs.

"Fucking... Broken," he muttered to himself as his fingers curled tighter around the rim of the toilet. He really should just end it for good.

He was about to stand up and go home, but he jumped when he heard the voice behind him.

"You aren't fucking broken," Deidara snapped, his arms folded across his chest, brows drawn into a tight line. "You're a little bent out of shape, maybe, kinda beat up, but you're not fucking broken."

Sasuke's jaw tightened.

"You know who _is_ broken, un? Hidan's broken, right now, all laid out on that hopsital bed. We're gonna get him back together, but that's _his_ choice to make. He's at the lowest he's ever been, and we're gonna bring him back up, un."

Deidara's eyes were wet, Sasuke noticed, but he didn't say anything.

"You though, un? You're not there yet. You've got time to fucking fix it, and even then it's _your choice._ "

Sasuke scowled at the know-it-all, slapping a bitter hand over his chest, fingernails digging into his binder. Naruto had probably already told Deidara about Sasuke being trans, anyway.

"It wasn't my choice," he growled. "It was _never_ my choice."

Deidara rolled his eyes. "I thought it was Naruto's job to knock some sense into you, un, but I guess he said it too nicely," he muttered. "I'm only gonna say this once, so listen up. Naruto _likes_ you, un. Like, a lot. I dunno why, you seem kinda like a prick."

"Hey!"

"So does your brother, un. Itachi, right? He loves you. And the rest of the people you've got in your family."

"My family's _dead,_ " spat Sasuke, watching with furious eyes when Deidara's brows furrowed. "I had to _see_ their dead _bodies,_ you fucking _prick_." He jerked away from Deidara and turned his face into the wall.

Then the blonde softened, if at least a little, and sat down beside Sasuke. His voice was still thick with anger when he spoke, though.

"My parents sold me off into prostitution for 40 bucks when I was eight, un," he said. "You aren't the only one with a rough life. _Not_ that that means any of us have a right to be more hurt than you though, un," he added when he saw Sasuke's face. "I can't imagine what it would be like to see your parents like that."

The blonde tipped his head back, the crown of his skull resting against the stall door. "We're all a little broken, Sasuke," he said quietly. "We just gotta get ourselves back together when it's over, un. We're not gonna be perfect afterwards, either. We've got trust issues, can't keep secrets, emotionally blocked, anxious shit that fucks us up and that little voice in your head that says you _can't_ , un."

Sasuke heaved in a shuddering breath. He knew that one well.

"And it's your choice, it's _always_ your choice, to let yourself down or pull yourself up, un. We're all gonna be there for each other, obviously, and we're gonna help you, but it's your choice, un. Nobody else can do it. Danna was there for me, I was there for him. Ino helped Chouji out, and he was there for her when she was trying to get Sai through all the shit he got put through, un. Naruto was there for Gaara, he and Zabuza were there for Haku, and it goes on."

Deidara stretched and stood, neck flexing. "But now I gotta go and be there for Hidan, un." He paused, glancing over at Sasuke. "Naruto needs somebody right now," he added carefully, watching Sasuke, as if to be sure he wouldn't freak out. "I'm gonna go, un."

He glanced back, just before he pulled the bathroom door open. "It's easier to take your mind off yourself if you focus on somebody else, too, un. That's what got me through some... pretty bad shit. Just sayin'."


	22. White walls

Hidan's hand was still clasped in Naruto's sweaty grip when Deidara walked back into the empty room, save for Naruto, Sasori, Hidan and Kakuzu, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

Still no Sasuke.

He hung his head.

Naruto _knew_ he wasn't the smartest guy, he'd been told by plenty a foster parent, and occasionally a few jabs back in middle school, but he could tell when someone was uncomfotable.

He could tell by the wary way Sasuke would look around the waiting room, shoulders tense, and how he would flinch whenever someone touched him. Naruto knew that Sasuke was probably still mad at him, but he'd apologized, so what more could he do?

Deidara rubbed his shoulder, and he leaned back into the other blonde with a groan.

"I said I was sorry for being a dick," he grumbled, and received a hair-ruffle along with a little squeeze for his plight. "I just don't know what to do, man." Deidara settled in Sasori's lap, kissing his temple before facing Naruto.

"Me and him had a pretty good talk, un," he said cheerfully, the easy tone of his voice making Naruto slightly suspicious of exactly _what_ he had said. "Did he tell you about everything that happened to him... uh... earlier in his life?"

Naruto shrugged. "All I know is that he doesn't live with his parents."

"Un. Well, it's not my story to tell."

Naruto ignored the slight twinge under his skin that someone who had only really talked to Sasuke three in his life knew more about him than he did, despite the fact that Naruto was the one dating him.

"Oh," he mumbled, shifting in his seat and twisting his fingers into a fist.

Deidara nudged him gently.

"I riled him up, un. If anything, I dragged it out of him."

Like that helped...

Silence rustled through the air between them, before Deidara spoke again. "I... told him about my parents, un."

A soft ' _umf!'_ jolted out of him when Sasori jumped, digging his nails into Deidara's stomach with a twist of his fingers. Even Kakuzu glanced up, brows furrowed while Naruto's mouth dropped open, his fists clenching on the arm of the poor chair beneath him in a vicious clasp.

"You... _what_?!" he hissed, voice low and laced with a twist of confusion.

"He told me about his... uh... life... and was being all super depresso and was like, 'I have the worst life ever' or some shit, and he was all, un..." he gestured vaguely to his stomach, and Naruto gave a little huff as Deidara continued.

"Saying he wasn't ever gonna get better, un, 'cause he was all broken. Wanted to give up. And I... guess I just wanted him to know that it was all gonna be okay again, un. Let him know that shit wasn't gonna last forever."

Naruto swallowed thickly around the wad of cotton lodged in his throat, the bitter taste of bile lingering on the back of his tongue.

Clutching Deidara closer to his chest, Sasori planted a firm kiss on the back of his neck, a soft _whuff_ of breath causing a blonde spiral of hair to spin and dance against his shoulder.

"That was really thoughtful," he mumbled, keeping his cheek nestled against the junction of Deidara's nape and spine. "One day I'm sure he'll learn to appreciate that."

A hint of a smile bloomd on Naruto's face at the sight of Deidara's giddy grin, cheeks blushing apple-red as he lowered his cerulean eyes to the ground, flustered from his usually-stoic lover's compliment.

"Thanks Danna, un," he whispered, twisting in his perch to brush his lips against Sasori's feathery auburn hair.

"Mm," Sasori mumbled.

Naruto was about to go grab a soda from the vending machine when the door swung open. He was expecting a nurse in her light blue scrubs, but was met with a downturned face and a shock of dark hair, too-slender shoulders and small hands clutched tight to a chest.

"Hey," Sasuke mumbled, slowly walking inside, hesitating before closing the door.

 _Don't make him uncomfotable,_ Naruto reminded himself firmly, before he did something stupid like pull the Uchiha into his lap or plant kisses all over his stupidly vulnerable face.

"Hey!"

His voice came out too loud, a little too boisterous and overly-excited as usual, but it still made Sasuke flush, a slow smile creeping across his face.

Ha! Naruto could still make him blush!

"Oh! You wanna sit?" he asked quicky, standing up and stopping himself just in time before he latched his fingers into Sasuke's shirt and pulled him towards him.

 _Sasuke doesn't like it when I touch him_.

Shoving himself out of the way, he gestured to the free seat with flapping hands, praying he wasn't being too desperate.

To his relief, Sasuke just smiled and lowered himself into the seat, turning his head and peeking over the back of the seat with adorable dark eyes, his tiny, flushed nose cresting the dark blue fabric.

"Um... you wanna... sit too?" he asked quietly, and Naruto busted out another excited grin.

Sasuke was talking to him again! Willingly!

"Hell yeah! Scoot!"

Without waiting for an answer, he scooped Sasuke into his arms, revelling in the yelp he pulled out of him as he balanced the Uchiha precariously into his lap, sideways, settling an arm around his waist.

"This okay?" he whispered into the pink ear, lips tipping upwards at the nod against his chest.

"Yeah... just... um..." the Uchiha was tediously careful as he lifted Naruto's hand off his tummy, settling it on his shoulder.

Right, because Sasuke didn't want his hands on his belly. He could make a note of that.

Freckling kisses on the back of his neck, Naruto waited until Sasuke's breathing evened out before he allowed himself to drift off, one hand tucked into Hidan's and the other wrapped around Sasuke.

* * *

Naruto drove a sleeping Sasuke home that night with a warm feeling settled in his chest and his free hand turned palm-up on the console, Sasuke's slender fingers folded neatly into his own thicker ones.

The car was silent, save for Sasuke's cute little snores and the soft pecking of rain against the windshield.

Naruto's thoughts were finally silent and comfortable; Sasuke was safe and close to him, Hidan was stable, and the rest of his friends were already on their way home. Shisui had just sent a photo of himself nestled in his blankets next to his cat, a sleepy peace-sign thrown up next to the kitten's drowsy eyes.

When he got to the house, he draged a half-asleep Sasuke to the front door with a gentle arm wrapped around his coat-clad shoulders, the Uchiha dozy and confused with all the sudden movement.

He pressed his silky cheek against Naruto's bare arm, mumbling something under his breath.

"Where are your keys?" the blonde whispered, his voice a dull mumble in the whispering rain falling around them.

"Mm, pocket. I think... might have to knock. But nobody's home, so..."

Rolling his eyes, Naruto awkwardly dug through Sasuke's pockets until he dug out the key-chain with an old Stitch doll dangling from it, shoving the key in the lock with a dull click and pulling the Uchiha inside.

He led Sasuke upstairs, opened his door and pushed him towards the bathroom. "Go change," he said, laughing when Sasuke stared in confusion around the room, obviously wondering how he'd gotten there.

"Pjs are dirty," he grumbled, so Naruto dug through his bag until he pulled out his bright orange hoodie and pushed it towards him.

He lounged on the bed, lifting his eyes from his phone when he heard Sasuke emerging from the restroom.

His lips pursed.

Sasuke exited in _only_ his hoodie and a pair of boxers, so thank God the piece of clothing covered his ass and went down to mid-thigh on him. His legs were silky-smooth and went on for days, one fist curled up and rubbing his eyes.

The sleeve went far past his wrist and dangled further than his fingertips, practically drowning him in the article of clothing.

"'s too big," he mumbled, collapsing on the bed with a sleepy sigh and a clang of the bedsprings. Naruto swallowed. "Uh... it looks good though! 'Night, Sasuke!"

"No kiss?"

Huffing out a laugh, he leaned down and pecked the back of the sleepy Uchiha's head, then pulled the blankets up and around his shoulders, tucking the sheets around his waist. "Goodnight for real now."

"Mm..."

Naruto let himself out, a smile perking up his lips until he got home.


	23. Decorate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Things sure do seem to be... looking... up...
> 
> *cough*

Two months and seven days blew by in a dazzling flurry of snowflakes before it was finally winter break, which meant midterms and tightly packed bodies in thin hallways were finally over, making way for crowded Christmas parties and pepermint-flavored hot chocolate.

Naruto, after months of dedicated studying, had finally passed his tests with Sasuke's diligent tutoring and everyone in the group keeping him accountable. Hidan was back from the hospital and had gone back to school, though he was on at-home suicide watch and had to be around one of them at all times. Neji face-timed a few times a week, which kept Shikamaru's hopes up.

During one of these calls, he informed them that he would be sending their gifts five days before Christmas, in hopes that they would arrive Christmas day. If they arrived early, " _No,_ Shisui you may _not_ open them!"

Now, however, Naruto was just lounging over at Sakura's house, everyone putting up the decorations for the annual party she threw every year, December 24th on the dot. He was winding red streamers around white and green, twisting them into an odd, pepermint garland with green trim, which Ino would then pin to the ceiling. Sasuke was beside him, his own hands busy while he opened bags of marbles and spilled them into vases, which Sakura said were, "Decorative and looked fancy, which is saying something since I'm poor".

Haku twined a ribbon around the curve of glass and tied a frothy bow before handing it off to Deidara to set somewhere tasteful, probably among the glass peacock figurines or the crystal wine glasses from Sakura's parents' wedding.

Lee was in charge of music, so he was shuffling through a Christmas playlist, though he kept changing the song before it got good.

Gaara and Sasori were at the store getting food, paper-plates, and drinks ("NON-alcoholic, Deidara!" "You're no funnnnnnn, un!"), Zabuza was stringing up lights on the Christmas tree with fumbling fingers.

Sai was figuring out how to fold colored tissue-paper and furl it around lightbulbs in the chandelier to create a glowing, bright green and red pop of color around the room.

Hidan was perched proudly on Kakuzu's shoulder, his only job being getting in the way as the penny-pitcher curled garland around the banisters in the house and tucked sprigs of holly and patches of misletoe all over the room.

Sakura insisted on the misletoe, claiming it was a tradition and they were all going to follow it.

In Naruto's words, Sasuke found out that Kiba would be making out with Hinata the whole time and Deidara and Sasori would have their mouths glued together.

Honestly though, Naruto didn't really _mind_ the misletoe... especially not this year.

Now that he had a man of his own to kiss, press against the wall and suck on his tongue until the fire died out, he was perfectly happy with the situation, and planned on pulling Sasuke under several doorways once the party started.

"Naruto, Sasuke!"

They both looked up, Sasuke's lashes fanning across his cheekbones as he swept his eyes closed in a blink. "Yeah?" Naruto called, and Sakura turned around and planted a hand on her hip.

"Can you two go up to the extra bedroom upstairs?" she asked, her voice tinged with stress from preparing the party. "There's some folded green and red Christmas blankets in the closet, and there might be a throw on the bed. I wanna put them on the couch, if you don't mind grabbing them?"

"No problem!" Naruto called, standing and reaching a hand down to pull Sasuke up with him. "Where...?"

"Fourth room to the right."

They ran up the stairs two at a time, went down the wrong hallway twice and Naruto tripped over a white cat with a bright green bow tied loosely around it's neck before they finally found the room.

The wall was a soft cream color, sunlight flowing through the light, sea-foam curtains and pooling on the floor next to the vanity. The carpet was soft and fluffy beneath their bare feet, though the leg of the bed Naruto whacked his toe on was _not._

"OW!" he howled, hopping on one foot, one hand clutching the injured one before he crashed to the bed in a fumble of previously neat blankets and silky pillows.

Sasuke burst into a flurry of loud giggles, raking a hand through dark hair and pressing the tips of his fingers to his lips.

Those soft lips, pink and plump from the nibbling he'd done and the damp from the swipe of chapstick he'd applied earlier. His cheeks were flushed with warmth from the fizzling fire flaring in the corner, dark eyes glimmering slightly in the glow of the huge salt lamp balanced on the vanity.

Naruto grinned, sitting up on the bed and spreading his arms, expectantly ushering between his legs and hopefully onto his lap.

Unfortunately, the Uchiha just stepped between his legs and planted his hands on his shoulders, refusing to lower himself into Naruto's willing lap.

However, he did dip his head and allow Naruto to nibble at his lower lip, though that seemed to be all he was going to do and he stepped back to grab the blankets from the closet and pull the throw off the bed.

Well, that wouldn't do.

Naruto reached out and snatched his hips, pulling the Uchiha backwards until he was flush against him.

He pecked a kiss against the shell of his flushed ear.

"Kisses?" Naruto crooned, tone flaring dramatically as he kissed the strip of pale skin exposed on his neck. Sasuke did _love_ his turtlenecks. "You thought you could get away~ why else would we go to the spare bedroom, _alone_?"

"To get blankets," Sasuke deadpanned, even though he was a bright, pretty pink and trapped against Naruto, so honestly his tone didn't need to be so flat.

"Mm," Naruto hummed, then stood, only to push them back down again with Sasuke's back pressed to the blankets, lips parted in surprise.

After a little over two months of dating, they really hadn't had any heavy kissing or practically any _touching_ in general. Naruto understood, Sasuke was uncomfotable with his body and probably didn't want wandering hand tracing his pretty pale skin or lips caressing the curvatures of his body.

But he wanted to indulge a _little_ , and Sasuke certainly didn't seem to be complaining.

Naruto dipped his head, the fluffy peaks of his hair grazing the Uchiha's chin as he ghosted his mouth directly over his manubrium, pursing his lips as he nibbled his way up, leaving a damp trail of moisture and wet pecks dotting Sasuke's skin.

Cresting his teeth lightly over a prominate collarbone, he pursed his lips and furled his tongue and mouth into harsh suck that pulled a soft, dulcet gasp from Sasuke that made Naruto's toes curl and ego to flare.

Damp kisses were freckled continuously up the column of Sasuke's slender neck, the occasional bite and suckle causing the Uchiha to hum low in his chest. Naruto dragged his tongue over the soft jawline before he finally _finally_ reached his prize... Sasuke's mouth.

He stamped a firm kiss over his lips at first, then delved in slowly to caress the waiting tongue and damp lips below.

Sasuke remained soft and eager and pliant the whole time, fingers curling delicately into Naruto's hoodie as he was straddled and pressed into the bed, releasing quiet gasps or huffs when the Uzumaki sucked on a sweet or tender spot.

He moved his mouth with equal vigor against Naruto's, allowing his tongue to be sucked on and his mouth to be explored, groaning at the swipe of Naruto's tongue on the roof of his mouth and over the ridges of his teeth.

Unfortuantely, they couldn't stay.

After about ten minutes, he pushed a pouty Naruto off and grabbed the blankets again, pushing half into the blonde's arms and slinging the rest over his shoulders.

"Let's go, baka," he grumbled. "Before we're late."

"Or do you just not wanna get caught," cooed Naruto, but he was silenced when Sasuke kicked him out the door.

"I only let you kiss me 'cause of that misletoe above the door," he sniffed. "So don't get used to it."

"But I just _got_ used to it!"

"Get unused to it!"

"You taste good!"

"What?!"

"Yeah~"

"U—Usuratonkachi!"

"What does that even _mean_?!"

A pause.

"I honestly don't know how it translates into English..."

"Ugh. Teme."

Sasuke squawked angrily, as he always did when Naruto used that word, but allowed himself to be tugged to the blonde's side and paraded down the stair.

He even helped decorate without anymore complaining.


	24. You really did it this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter because school, and my updating schedule is going to have to change. I can't keep up the every other day with the amount of work I have this year, plus we have a volleyball game every night for a long time, and practices squeezed in between. Apologies!!

There were a lot of things happening.

Most of them were bad.

Someone had ripped the colored paper out of the chandelier, causing the light in the party to scatter dark red rays all over the room, falling in lines over the couch and greying out the carpet.

Colored marbles had been knocked out of a vase and sent skidding all over the floor, which had led many drunk people to trip and collapse to the floor; one person had already hit their head on the coffee-table and had to be escorted out.

Streamers hung in tatters, the kitchen was a wreck of broken glasses and the strong stench of alchohol, there were loud grunts and the creaking of furnature emitting from every bedroom in the top floor, and there was a heady fluff of smoke seeping from beneath the bathroom door.

But Naruto hadn't left his side once.

He was always standing with him, with one hand hooked around Sasuke's hip or planted firmly on his shoulder or lacing their fingers together so they couldn't stray far.

The blonde and Sakura had both _assured_ him that alchohol had been prohibited, but with the amount of underaged, too-hyped teens sliding in the door, it was nearly impossible to keep out.

It was overwhelming though.

Sasuke remembered one of his parents' Christmas parties with all the gentlemen in their fancy, pressed suits and the women walking around in their floor-length sparkly gowns that reflected the glowing chandelier or the burning fire. He remembered the warmth of his mother's hands while she cradled him close to her, a smear of lipstick left staining his cheek when she left to talk to her freinds.

The expensive scent of bubbling champagne lingering in the back of his nose and the whuff of cigar smoke that tingled in his brain when he walked past his father's study, Itachi's cool hand clinging to his, the flick of lace from his dress brushing his ankles...

Sasuke blinked the memories, good and bad, from his mind and leaned further into Naruto, pressing his nose against his burnt orange sweater. ("It _is_ Chrismas colors, Sas!")

He felt a warm hand card through his hair, then a soft brush of words against the shell of his cold ear.

"You doin' okay?"

Sasuke huffed. "Loud..."

It was true, the blare of the speakers was thundering and loud against everyone's ears, grating against Kiba's eardrums. (The boy had always had sensitive hearing, according to him and the doctor's note he had every week during band practice)

"Yep! Parties are usually loud!"

"But it's supposed to be a _Christmas_ party. With like, candlelight and shrubs and stuff..."

"You mean Christmas trees?"

"...Point is, I don't like it and I want to go home."

Naruto laughed, nuzzled his ear and threw a leg over his hip. "Come on! Can't we stay for another hour?" He backpeddled when he saw the exasperation in Sasuke's face, quickly changing to a different tactic. "Fifteen minutes, babe. Promise. You can call Itachi and ask him to come with the car."

"You brought a car," Sasuke snapped, his arms folding across his chest.

"I _did_ , but I don't wanna drive you around in the snow when I'm buzzed like this. Don't wanna crash or anything."

"I _trust_ you," the Uchiha huffed. "I just wanna go home."

Naruto glanced around, eyes catching on the gyrating bodies and pistoning hips as people were pressed against walls, tongues twisting and teeth glinting in bites with saliva slowly sliding down chins and hickey-ridden necks.

He always liked parties; he loved chaos. But he understood if Sasuke didn't, since he always flinched at loud noises and was wary about being touched.

"Okay, babe," he finally relented, a bitter bite still stinging his chest, though he ignored it. "You call 'Tachi, I'll go round up our stuff and say bye to everybody."

He paused, glancing over at Deidara and Sasori, who were a couch away from them and rubbing their hips frantically against each other while their tongues laved. "Uh... I'll say bye to everybody but Sasori and Dei... We can meet at the door in five, okay?"

Sasuke hesitated at the throng of people he would have to dig through before he finally got to a quiet place to call, but agreed. "Okay."

"Okay."

* * *

Elbowing his way through the crowd was more difficult than he expected.

The thickness of the people was surprising, so were the amount of people that grabbed his ass or ruffled his hair. He was amazed at how bad a group of teenagers could smell while they played a drinking game in the corner, and he was shocked at how quickly some tiny little girl, barely five feet tall, could shoot back her drink.

He swallowed, scratched at his neck and breathed as he wedged himself into an empty bathroom, shaky hands digging through his pocket until he found his phone.

"Aniki?" he croaked out the second the ringing changed into silence. "Are you there?"

"Yes, yes, what is it?"

His brother sounded tense and distracted, and Sasuke could hear the soft _scritch_ of the pencil and the flapping of paper, so he knew he was on speaker tone.

"Are you... are you busy?"

"Yes, Otouto, very busy, my boss shortened the deadline and I had to redo my entire schedule, therefore I had to finish this today. Do you need something?"

"Um... can you come pick me up?"

_Please say yes, please say yes, pleasesay yes, pleasesayyes pleasesayyespleasesay—_

"No, Otouto, I really can't. This has to be submitted by midnight." Some of the music on the speakers outside the door must have seeped through and gotten to Itachi, because he asked, "Where _are_ you? That seems a bit loud for a Chrismas party."

_Yes, yes it is too loud! That's why I want you to come get me!_

"Um... Sakura just turned the music up extra loud."

"Ah. Well you'll be fine then. If you're that desperate, just wait in the bathroom for an hour or two, and then I can come pick you and Naruto up. But I can't leave the office right now, I'm sorry."

Sasuke wasn't expecting anything different, but it still stung.

"That's okay, Aniki, sorry to bother."

"Not a bother Sasuke, just inconvenient. I'll see you when you get home."

"Okay."

The dial tone rang out, and Sasuke was by himself again.

* * *

When a girl pounded on the door three mintues later, he quickly moved out of the bathroom and back to the tangle of sweaty bodies, flinching when burning skin scraped against his own and biting his tongue when someone fell on top of him.

He got lost on the way to the front door to find Naruto, discomfort growing like a thick twist of a vine in his chest as he scurried up the stairs, then back down again after hearing the obscene sounds drifting from the sealed shut doors.

Then he smelt it.

The musky, skunk-like stench filtering through the hall in the house, drawing him in as his pupils dilated.

He knew what that was.

Sure enough, there was a group of four or five kids sitting at a table, an inconspicuous bag lying on the table and a few paper rolls, the teens lounging on the chairs with half-lidded eyes, slowly growing sleepier.

He wasn't thinking when a kid with dark red hair held one out to him, the smoky haze causing Sasuke to stare. "We got some extra," he offered. "Want one?"

Sasuke paused.

He shouldn't, he really _really_ shouldn't. If Itachi found out he was smoking again, he'd be back in rehab before he could blink. Then the doctors would prod, find out he wasn't eating again, and someone would rifle through his room and pull out all his notebooks he'd filled, then he'd go straight back to the center.

Sasuke tried not to think about the disappointment that would spread in Itachi's face, the sorrow in Kakashi's or the horror in Naruto's when he plucked the joint from the guy's hand.


	25. Always bring me home

Sakura had a big house, okay?

Her parents were doctors, both of them, and they had inherited stuff from her grandparents too. So they could afford a huge house, five stories tall, 8 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms and who knows how many square feet.

So yeah. Big house.

And where the _fuck_ was Sasuke?!

Naruto had done what he had said he was going to do; he grabbed their stuff, said goodbye to everyone (But Sasori and Deidara), then went to go wait by the door for Sasuke so they could go home.

But he'd waited for twenty mintues before he decided something was wrong.

After recruiting Haku to help him find Sasuke, he scoured the house with watchful eyes, checking behind curtains in case he'd gotten scared and knocking on every bathroom door. After ten minutes, he was seriously getting worried.

He knew that Sasuke liked to run and hide when he was scared, but if he was on the phone with Itachi, surely he felt safe. His big brother helped with everything, from taking care of him physically to making sure his mental health was as good as he could make it.

Naruto was about to pull out his phone and call Itachi himself when he heard the voices.

He was on the fourth floor, mostly abandoned and the most quiet, but he could hear drowsy sounding laughter and fumbled words from the room down the hallway.

When he got there, he noticed that the room was dimly lit, thick with plumes of washed-out smoke and the smell of the kind of drugs Hidan did when he needed to calm down and Kakuzu couldn't help.

There were a few people sitting around a scratched up table, which was adorned with a few dented beer cans and a bottle with the top smashed off.

Two girls and three boys and...

Sasuke.

Naruto sucked in his breath, his fingers twitching at his sides. The Uchiha was leaning back against his chair with half of his buttons undone, the color of the shirt stretched over his shoulder and revealing the black binder he was wearing. There were four empty cans tipped over beside him, some sort of liquid pooling in his lap.

The most concerning thing was the sloppy joint rolled up and dangling between his fingers though, along with the fact that he was clearly oversharing with the group he was sitting with. Naruto watched, shocked, as Sasuke brought the fag to his mouth and inhaled deeply, the smoke seeping from the part of his lips before he kept talking.

"Since my mom died, then _that_ was when everything went to shit, so I got—"

Naruto quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, clamping it shut to keep Sasuke from embarassing himself further. Even though he knew none of these people would remember anything come morning anyway...

He plucked the fag from Sasuke's fingers and put it out firmly against the table, ignoring high-pitched whine that came from the Uchiha. "I want—" he began, but Naruto cut him off.

"I know. Come on."

_I didn't know he smoked... hell, I didn't even know he knew how. Maybe somebody taught him._

He knew that probably wasn't true, considering how fluently Sasuke had inhaled that smoke and blew it out. He was also concerned about the amount Sasuke had been drinking though, especially since he had barely eaten anything today.

"Shit," he hissed, trying to yank Sasuke's sweater over the his fluffy head. Naruto didn't have a way to get back home, and he wasn't too keen on dragging a drunk, high Sasuke back to his brother through the snow, _especially_ when he was supposed to be looking out for him. Then again, he and Shikamaru were supposed to go home together, so Naruto could have had plenty to drink. The Nara had lost the bed and would be driving.

Huffing, he ordered an uber, allowing Sasuke to snuggle into his shoulder while he waited.

The ride to Kakashi's house was silent and strange, with the Uchiha pressed up against his side, continuously asking the driver questions and probably pissing him off. Naruto tipped him extra just because of that.

Of course, because karma worked like that, neither Itachi or Kakashi was home.

Sasuke giggled when Naruto groaned, then had to be carried up the stairs and laid on the bed because his legs felt like jelly.

Once they got to his room, Naruto placed him on the bed, unlaced his shoes and pulled them off, then helped him struggle out of his sweater and pull off the already falling-off button-up.

He paused at the binder still constricting Sasuke's chest. He _knew_ he shouldn't sleep in it, knew it would hurt him and mess up the chance of him actually getting top surgery. However, it wouldn't be his place to take it off, so he shook him until he was at least half-awake.

"You gotta take off the binder," he whispered, slowly stroking his fingers through Sasuke's hair. "I know you don't wanna, but you gotta."

"Mm... you do it."

Naruto groaned. "No. Babe, you need to do it."

"M-make 'Tachi—"

"He's not here right now. You need to."

"I _can't_."

Hissing with frustration, Naruto leaned back. "Well _I_ can't, so you—"

"Sure you c...can. J-just pull 't off."

"You don't know what you're saying," Naruto muttered, trying to figure out how to execute this.

"I know what 'm sayin'. Just do it."

"You'll wish you hadn't said that tomorrow..."

"Will not. P'll it off."

"...When did Itachi say he'd be back?" Naruto asked.

"I dunno... soon..."

 _Oh, thank_ God. _I'll just wait 'till he gets home and tell him to get it off_.

"Okay, okay. I'll get him to do it when he gets up."

Snagging painkillers from the bathroom cabinet, Naruto placed a glass of water on the table beside his bed, admiring the already-sleeping-beauty laying there. He chose to let the older Uchiha take off the rest of Sasuke's clothes.

An hour passed before Itachi finally got home, looking slightly stressed and much messier than normal. Naruto watched his brows shoot up when he saw the state of his brother, a low groan escaping him as he pressed his fingers to his temple.

Naruto flinched with the obsidian eyes found him, the exasperation disappearing and frosting over with cold anger.

"And just _what_ kind of party did you bring him to?" he hissed. "You said it would be a _nomal_ fiasco, which is the only reason I allowed him to go."

"Um... somebody brought some drinks..."

"Yes. I can see that. How much did he have?"

Naruto cleared his throat. "I dunno... but he was smoking—"

Itachi's eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then narrowed to coal-black slits, a low growl garbling out of his throat. "Leave."

"I'm sorry, I was—"

"You can explain this to me later, and you. Right now, I would like you to please leave. I need to take care of my brother."

Naruto left with a sinking feeling in his stomach.


	26. Room of paper walls

Itachi stood in Sasuke's room, silent, save for his brother's soft breathing.

His head was pounding, his blood hot in his veins, his hands shaking and his throat tight. Every nerve in his body felt tight and burning with electricity, wired to explode if he moved even an inch. It felt like the room was moving, the floor unsteady beneath his feet, the ceiling fan threatening to fall.

Nothing felt right.

Shaking his head firmly to clear his mind, Itachi stepped towards the bed. He swallowed thickly, then carefully pulled the covers off his brother. Sasuke was only wearing his binder and jeans, his sweater and button-up long tossed to the floor in a crumpled heap. His hair was feathered out against his pillow, nose wrinkled and lashes fluttering.

Itachi breathed in slowly, then leaned down and shook Sasuke. His brother groaned; his breath smelled of alcholol and smoke. Gritting his teeth, he sat on the bed and practically lifted Sasuke, who was far too light, into his lap.

"Wake up, Otouto," he whispered.

Sasuke flailed for a minute, fist thunking against his brother's chest, then fell back into a dead slumber.

This time, Itachi was the one to groan.

 _This would be_ so _much easier if Kakashi was here..._

No doubt their guardian had delt with many a drunk, high, half-asleep person with no self-preservation.

"Wake up!" he demanded, shaking his brother with renewed vigor. This time, much to his relief, Sasuke's blurry eyes popped open, wide with surprise. He writhed for a second, then fell lax. Itachi pulled him to a standing position so he couldn't fall back asleep.

"The hell?" Sasuke mumbled. "What'dyou wan'?"

"You need to get undressed."

Sasuke let out a huff. "Nah."

Pursing his lips, Itachi pulled back slightly and gritted his teeth. "'Nah'?" he mimicked sardonically.

"Nah," Sasuke repeated. Itachi's patience nearly snapped.

"Otouto, I _swear_ to all things holy, you are already standing on thin ice here."

"I'm s...standing on the floor," Sasuke reminded him, his tone that of one who was talking to a four year old.

"It's an expression," he snapped back.

"It's a carpet."

Forfeiting his decision to be gentle, Itachi pushed his brother down onto the bed, pressing his shoulders down so he couldn't stand up. He was already upset that Naruto had brought him home drunk and high, especially since Itachi hadn't had any idea that his brother had gone back into his smoking habits.

He'd taken it up when he was 14, right after he'd stopped eating, then had to go to rehab when he met someone at school who gave him stronger stuff that didn't even involve smoking. The kid had done unspeakable things to get the drugs, which Itachi had read in one of the journal's he'd hidden in his drawers. He'd hoarded it in his room until Kakashi found it, and had been grounded for six months, even _after_ he got back from rehab and the center.

Itachi couldn't really put all the blame on Naruto, of course. Though he promised to watch him, Itachi knew Sasuke had a habit of sneaking off to do whatever he pleased, and the blonde couldn't have followed him around every second of the day.

If anything, Itachi should have known that Sasuke wasn't ready to go to a rowdy party that would undoubtedly have alcholol and some form of drug.

That was on him.

He was also upset at his brother though.

He'd always held his brother to be better than he probably was, expecting him to have the self-control he'd always done his best to teach him. He shouldn't have wandered off, shouldn't have taken the blunt, shouldn't have drank anything...

Damn it, Itachi shouldn't have expected so much of him.

Shaking his head, the older Uchiha reached down and yanked the zipper down on the binder, tossing it to the floor and releasing the tension from Sasuke's chest. His cherry mouth popped open in an 'o' shape, looking confused. Itachi might have laughed if he hadn't been so upset at the moment.

Pursing his lips at the red and purple splotches blooming all over his brother's pale chest and back, Itachi pulled out the bruise cream (unused since he'd bought it, much to his disappointment) and rubbed a thick layer over his ribs, front and back, smearing it in with gentle hands.

He rifled through the bottom drawer of his brother's dresser, quickly pulling out the softest, baggiest shirt he could find. Before he put it on him, he surveyed the thinness of his brother. He knew Sasuke was slight, but he wasn't sure if he should be _that_ slight. He'd speak to the doctor soon.

After sliding it over Sasuke's shoulders, he popped the button on his brother's jeans ands slid them down his legs.

Itachi was about to fold them and put them away, when he caught the discoloring all over his thighs.

With jerky movements, he yanked the duvet away from his baby brother and stared, mortified, at the tops of his thighs. There were long scratches, deep red marks embedded into the skin, leading from the hem of his underwear to just above the middle of his thigh. The scars were messy but terrifyingly deep, and they made the breath catch in Itachi's throat.

He knew his brother used to self-harm, but he'd sworn he'd been clean since the center. His wrists hadn't been touched since before his mental health had taken a turn for the worse, though Itachi had checked them anyway just in case.

He supposed he should have looked elsewhere too, though.

Itachi caught a hint of dark pink peeking from above the hem of his underwear too, and he pulled them down slightly, only to step away, mortified. It looked like Sasuke _had_ been smoking, and had been putting the blunt out directly on the delicate skin of his hips.

Shaking, Itachi stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall, and he slid down until he hit the floor.

"Fuck," he whispered, dropping his head into his hands. The tips of hair tickled the tops of his feet as he sat. "Fuck!" he said louder, snapping to his feet and pacing the length of the room.

He could have _sworn_ Sasuke had quit all this self-harm, the cutting, the smoking, the burning, the starving, the thought, the—

Cutting his thoughts off with a shake of his head so harsh that his hair slapped the sides of his head, Itachi knelt and snatched the binder off the floor to put away, deciding it would be best if he had something to do.

He tugged the drawer at the top of the dresser open, probably harder than he should have, and once again, his night became worse than it already was.

The drawer was filled with pasty rolls of paper, a plastic bag full of little dark brown chunks, a lighter and ace bandages, along with several notebooks and pens. There were a couple month's worth of energy bars and drinks, and, by far the worst, the exacto knife Itachi had lost several months ago.

He let out a wet sob, allowing the drawer to slap shut as he leaned against the dresser.

His _baby brother_ , the only family had left, the person he was supposed to look after and take care of, the one he was supposed to teach and love on and give his best to, had been hurting himself every day, and he'd barely noticed.

Sure, he'd seen the reluctance to eat, but he had been told every single person with an eating disorder was always wary about eating things for a while after recovery. Itachi traced a trembling hand over the contours of his brother's face, wincing when he realized he was wearing makeup to cover the dark circles and the too-deep hollows of his slender face.

Itachi was so stupid.

He rifled though the drawer, pulling out the first notebook to read the entry.

_1 bowl of ramen (Itachi's doing) 550 cal_

_1 apple 95 cal_

_7 pieces of popcorn 46 cal_

_I did bad today, but I threw it up and nobody caught me. Naruto's so fucking suspicious and Aniki keeps forcing food down my throat. I feel swollen and gross, but my weight's been going down since Friday. It's gone down 6 pounds since then. I'm going to do 100 jumping jacks and 50 pushups, and I'll go on a run before Aniki wakes up._

There was more, all about how awful everything he had to eat was and how forceful Itachi was being. The next few pages were all about how difficult it was to get better when all everyone around him was doing was trying to make him eat.

Itachi stared, silent, at the pages for about five more seconds, before he pushed his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Dialing a familiar number, he held it to his ear, still a bit shaky.

After three rings, the the dial tone stopped, and he heard shuffling and static on the other side of the phone.

"Itachi?" the person demanded. "Do you have any idea what time it is? Are you okay?"

He swallowed, throat swimming in cotton.

"I'm okay, Iruka-san."


	27. How to walk away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, a longer chapter as requested. :)

When Sasuke was 11, Itachi and Iruka had taken him to the beach.

He had loved all the bright colors of the fish swimming around in the water, and had tried to capture a few starfish and slugs in his tiny hands. (Unfortuantely, his new zoo of creatures only brought a shriek from Iruka and Itachi scrubbing his hands in the restroom afterwards...)

A few times, both of the older two had been chatting on the beach without paying much attention to him, so he'd completely submerged his head in the cool salty water, seeing how long he could keep his eyes open before they started to sting.

Sasuke remembered Itachi calling his name from far way, his voice muffled and garbled as his ears were still doused.

That's what the voices speaking currently sounded like.

There was a gentle-sounding person speaking, his voice soft and quiet as he chatted, apparently over the phone, since Sasuke didn't hear any responses. He smelled like warm vanilla and brown sugar, he noticed. There was a hand holding his one, and Sasuke's free one was resting lightly on the sheets below him.

His head was filled with foggy cotton and draped in blackness, and his stomach was rolling with hunger.

 _Uncomfortable_.

His chest was strangely loose, legs oddly bare, muscles bunched beneath his skin.

Fingers folded around his hand, stroking softly, and he opened his eyes.

Brown hair, a few shades lighter than his and Itachi's pulled up in an immaculate ponytail. Cofee-colored eyes, soft and gentle and warmly-shaded skin with a spattering of freckles constellated on his shoulder, and a log scar marring the bridge of his nose.

 _Iruka-san_.

The breath hesitated to reach his lungs.

Finally, he spoke, his voice groggy and cracked, brimming with fear.

"I—Iruka-san?"

His head snapped towards Sasuke, golden-gleamed eyes wide, lips parted in surprise.

Sasuke hoped it was positive surprise as opposed to negative.

Then the gentle fingers tightened around his, warmth seeping through his bones and dancing over his skin as Iruka pulled him up and into his arms, lightly tucking his face into the vanilla-scented neck.

"Oh, Sasuke," he whispered, his voice as soft as the muted memories dancing around in his mind.

Like when Iruka had sat with him for over two hours after he shoved his fingers down his throat, forcing himself to throw up. He'd handed him a glass of water and talked to him gently, and Sasuke had wanted to be better afterwards.

Or when he was a little kid and had scraped his knee on the sidewalk, Iruka had been the one to get a bandage and wrap it up.

Iruka had been the first one he'd told when he'd said he wasn't a girl, and had gotten a peck on the forehead and a t-shirt with the words, "Proud son of an awesome Dad". Kakashi had been confused when he saw it, but Iruka explained the situation.

Of course, there were a few mix-ups.

Sometimes, Kakashi accidentally said "My daughter", but would instantly correct himself and apologize profusely. Itachi occasionally mixed up his pronouns, but he would fix himself too and buy a new shirt.

Iruka had ever messed up, since he'd helped so many kids like him.

He'd bought the first binder, since he'd done the appropriate research and Itachi wasn't exactly certain which kinds were safe for someone as young as him. He'd bought him the t-shirt that said, 'Little Brother' printed across the dark blue fabric, brought him the light-up Sketchers made for boys, helped him with his first T shot and encouraged him to go out and make friends.

Sasuke loved Itachi, it wasn't a lie, but Iruka understood him.

Sasuke'd _missed_ him.

Letting out a wet sob, Sasuke burried his face in the warm shoulder, the fluff of his hair tickling Iruka's neck and cheek as he rubbed firm circles into the Uchiha's back.

"Shh," he whispered. "You'll be okay."

" _Hurts,_ " Sasuke wept, and Iruka kissed his hair. The Uchiha's breaths were coming shorter, shoulders trembling as his stomach heaved. He was going to throw up, and he wanted to scream. Everyone would be furious with him now.

They knew about the smoking.

They ALL knew.

He could barely think about Itachi's face.

"Close your eyes," Iruka murmured, and Sasuke forced his lids to shutter, blocking out everything. He could breathe easier, though his chest was still locked up. "You're okay. No one can hurt you now, okay? Just breathe."

"I _can't_ ," he sobbed.

"You're safe. It's just me, okay?"

 _I know_.

"There's nothing to be scared about."

_That's not true._

"No one's angry with you."

_Liar._

After a while, with Sasuke's hand resting on Iruka's steady chest, his breathing finally faded to a regular pattern. The teacher kissed his hair again, carding a hand through the black satin spikes while he stroked his back.

He noticed that Iruka's fingertips didn't drag over the ridges of the binder that was almost always constricting his chest.

"Where's my binder?" Sasuke finally asked, breaking the calm silence that had errupted between them.

The gentle touches stuttered to a stop, and Sasuke was pulled off Iruka's shoulder until he was sitting across from him, Indian-style. The brunette cleared his throat with an awkward bob of his Adam's apple, and carefully placed a hand on Sasuke's knee.

Sasuke jerked it away, and Iruka placed the hand back in his lap.

Finally, he spoke.

"Itachi had to take it off last night."

The breath froze in Sasuke's chest, his heart moulding into a burning chunk of ice that thudded painfully against his sore ribs. Frantically, he shoved his hands beneath the blanket, hand carving over the tiny-ass shorts plastered to his body, his burned, scarred legs on show for anyone who cared to see. The T-shirt he was wearing was mortifyingly loose and soft, the peaks of his breasts obvious beneath the thin fabric.

The top drawer of his dresser was open, bandages and pills scattered all over the floor. The paper rolls were gone, and so was the exacto knife and his journals.

His hands were shaking again.

" _Fuck_ ," he whispered, the word hissing out of his lips as he dropped his head into his hands.

Iruka was staring at him, dark eyes plastered on him fixedly. He didn't mention the tremble in Sasuke's shoulders or the thinness of his stomach, didn't say a thing about his gashed up legs or the circles stamped below his eyes.

He just stared.

Then he spoke.

"You scared him," he said quietly. "He called me last night, sounded like he'd just run a marathon."

Sasuke licked his desert-dry lips. "How'd you get here in one night?"

"Booked the first flight at midnight, and it's nearly five in the afternoon, anyway. You're brother used the money he's been saving to get me over here, since I obviously couldn't afford it."

"...'Tachi's been saving money?"

Iruka pursed his lips. "Yes, he has. "

"For _what_?"

The teacher, never one to sugar-coat anything, just smiled a little, though it was a sad twist of his lips. "T-shots aren't really all that cheap, Sasuke-kun." Before the guilt could settle as thick as a blanket into Sasuke's head, Iruka continued.

"It's been a long time since I've calmed down your brother. He's usually the one to calm everyone down in this family." The look Iruka was giving Sasuke made his chest ache, but he didn't know what really to _do._ He was protecting himself. He had been getting _better_.

"I don't know why he freaked out," he finally snapped. When faced with fight or flight, Sasuke always chose to fight. To bitch about the problem; blame someone else. "It hasn't killed me yet. Plus, I'm getting _better_."

The silence that thickened the room made him pause, and he lifted shuttered, obsidian eyes to Iruka's face.

He wished he hadn't

Iruka's pretty eyes were wide, tears welling in the lash-line, threatening to run down his exhaustion-streaked face. His lips were parted in hurt-filled shock, the fingers of his right hand curled into a fist in his shirt.

"No, Sasuke-kun," he finally mumbled, his voice tense as a draw-string. "You're _not_."

"At least I'm not fat anymore!"

"You're _not_ fat. You're _perfect_."

"I'm just a stupid girl!"

"You're _not_. Get that nonsense _out of your head_. Who the hell told you that?"

Scoffing, Sasuke snapped his head to the side. "I told myself. I'm right, aren't I?"

Iruka's eyes narrowed to coffee-colored slits, a dark shadow creasing his face. "Absolutely not. And if you're well enough to yell, you're well enought to walk. Let's go downstairs, Sasuke-kun."

" _Why_?!"

"Because you're brother's scared shitless, Kakashi's stressed out of his mind, and I'm trying to figure out what's going on in that pretty little head of yours." As he spoke, Iruka gripped Sasuke's hand and pulled him up, barely sparing a glance at his scars that he was trying to frantically cover up.

The steps were daunting, and so were the soft voices coming from the kitchen. Iruka wasn't quite dragging him, but he was clearly set on a destination, and he definitely wanted Sasuke to go with him.

But he wasn't sure if he could face Itachi. He was the second to last Uchiha, and he was ruining his chance of survival. And yeah, he _knew_ Itachi loved him. So he was guilty, shoot him. What was he supposed to do?

"I don't _want_ to," Sasuke pleaded. "Don't make me go."

Iruka turned then, stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. "He's worried," he repeated, his tone softer than before. "He needs to know you're alright."

"Tell him I'm fine. Hell, I'll fucking text him."

"No." There was no room for argument in his tone.

So he walked downstairs to face his family.

The look Kakashi gave him was one of pure relief, his eyes not even flitting down to the scars on his legs or the mounds crowning his chest.

"Thank _God_ ," he whispered, reaching out to pull him into his arms. He smelled like dog fur and warmth, and Sasuke melted into him. He peeked up at his brother, trying to catch Itachi's eye.

When he was released, he stared hopefully at him, but Itachi turned away.

He refused to meet Sasuke's eye, but he tapped lightly him on the forehead.

Then he walked away.


	28. Bluebird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ino knocks more some sense into certain people and we get a little bit of background on Naruto.

It had been two weeks since Naruto had last seen Sasuke.

The Uchiha hadn't been reading the texts Naruto had sent or answering any calls. He didn't send a Christmas card like Naruto did, or any form of present, or any kind of " _th_ _ank you"_ for the present.

But Naruto completely understood!

He knew that Sasuke was probably going through a lot right now, especially with Itachi finding out his younger brother was drinking and smoking. He was mostl likely grounded for the rest of his life or something like that...

But Naruto couldn't help but just feel genuinely _bad_.

Maybe he should have done more, right?

He should have just called Itachi the second he found Sasuke drinking who knows what, should have followed him instead of letting him go make the call by himself, should have _forced_ him to eat, shouldn't have forced him to—

Force.

Maybe Sasuke was with Naruto, _dating_ Naruto, because he felt forced.

Maybe none of this shit would be happening if they hadn't begun dating, because then Sasuke wouldn't feel the need to be _better_ for someone else. He could have just stayed his perfect, beautiful self without any added pressure.

Yay.

Another thing to be upset about.

He shook his head when he heard the teacher call his name sharply, her auburn eyes digging into the creases of his forehead. "Wake up, Naruto," she chatsized, then continued writing on the board, and he was glad.

Sasori kicked his foot from behind him, and he reached back to subtly pull the note passed to him into his lap.

_You wanna talk at Lilly's?_

He shrugged, knowing Sasori could see. He was passed another note in response.

_Are you okay?_

He nodded.

* * *

Lilly's was pretty quiet that day, with very few customers loitering and even fewer actually buying anything. Most college kids just asked for a water and sat their asses down at a table with nothing else, though some people came in and ordered but didn't stick around.

That was actually what Naruto would have preferred, since he just wanted to go home and check his email.

Maybe Sasuke had written back.

Deidara, Sasori, Shisui, Shikamaru and Ino were the only people who made it to the cafe that afternoon, everyone else having evening classes and jobs to get to. Hidan had an appointment and a perscription to fill.

Sasori and Shisui were studying, Shikamaru napping on Deidara's shoulder while the blonde spoke quietly with Ino, nursing coffe cups that had expired and overdue _"Merry Christmas!"_ s scrawled across the scratchy foam surface.

They had tried to involve Naruto in their conversations for a while, but after getting short and clipped sentances they'd stopped, deciding he just didn't want to talk.

They were correct in their sentiment.

Honestly, Naruto wasn't paying attention until he caught one word, from Deidara specifically:

 _Parents_.

Of course, he whirled around immediately with the counter-cleaning cloth still twisted in his fingers. Because why the _hell_ would Deidara be talking about his filthy, scumbag, shitty fucking parents who didn't deserve to breathe the same air as him.

Sasori was slowly stroking Deidara's back as the blonde stared at the table, his fist clenched so tight he was digging bloody crescens into his palms. Naruto only caught the lasts bites of conversation, but he listened anyway.

"—Parents tried to contact me again—"

"WHAT!?" Naruto demanded, snapping the coffee-pot back into the warmer so fast the glass nearly broke causing everyone in the shop to jump. The teens rolled their eyes and went back to their studying.

Deidara, on the other hand, was staring at him, cerulean eyes larger than usual on his paler than normal face. "Um... you weren't supposed to hear that," he mumbled, burrying his nose back into the coffee-cup.

"WHY THE _FUCK_ WASN'T I SUPPOSED TO HEAR THAT?!"

Shisui exchanged glances with Ino before turning back. " _Because_ ," he said. "You already have a lot on your plate right now."

Scoffing, Naruto snatched the rag up again and continued wiping down the counter, still fully intent on hearing what was going on with Deidara. "A ton of people have a ton more going on, don't give me that. Now what's this about your parents?"

Deidara rolled his eyes. "It's fine, Danna doesn't let me respond anyway," he answered, and Sasori muttered, "Damn right," as the blonde continued. " _But_ back to what Shisui said. You _do_ have more on your plate then the rest of us."

"That's bullshit," Naruto scoffed. "Sasuke—"

"I know your worried about Sasuke!" Ino suddenly snapped, shoving her cup back onto the table and ignoring the liquid that sloshed over the side. Deidara and Shisui exchanged a glance, then settled back into their chairs as she continued. "That's the thing! You worry about _everybody_!"

"Of course I do!" Naruto ignored the glare from his manager. "They're my _friends_!"

"And it's always great to worry about your friends," Ino soothed, her voice wavering to calming so fast it nearly gave Naruto whip-lash. "But you can't take all of the pressure _yourself_. We're here too, even if you always seem to forget that. You can't worry so much about everyone else and then forget about yourself."

"I think I wanna care about everyone else way more than myself..." he mumbled, and this time Sasori spoke up.

"Absolutely not," he said immediately. "Every single one of us want to care for you just as you care for us. So please accept this. You're hurting. You hurt because Hidan overdosed, and Neji left, Sasuke is in some kind of trouble that we don't understand. Of course, then there's everything about your past that Sasuke deserves to know that you still haven't told him—"

"That's enough!" Naruto snapped angrily. "I get it! I'm gonna tell him!"

Ino laid her head on his forearm before he went back behind the counter. "Nothing will change," she assured him. "Your childhood doesn't define you, even if it did add some _definition_ to your character."

Shisui slapped her on the back of the head.

* * *

_"Naruto? Baby, where are you?"_

_Naruto shivered, clenching the baby sparrow tight to his chest, the cold backs of his hands brushing against the thin shirt he'd gotten from his new Papa. His new Mama wouldn't be able to find him in the closet, he was sure! She'd only found him once in here, trying to hide the new crayons he'd gotten from Kiba so she wouldn't try to sell them to anyone._

_She'd been furious, then._

_He tightened his icy fingers around the soft fluff of the tiny bird, feeling it nestle it's beak against his thumb, and smiled._

_The smile melted off his face when the sparrow_ cheeped _softly, revealing his hiding place to his new Mama._

 _She flung the door open in a flurry of dyed blue hair and smears of black makeup, her features twisted into a horrified, furious mask of hatred. He didn't know why she_ "paid so _fucking_ much for him" _since she didn't even like him._

_Then her bloodshot blue eyes fell to the bird in his fist, and his bladder emptied into his 12 hour old pull-up from the Dollar Tree._

_"What the_ hell _are you doing with a fucking bird in my house!?" she demanded, slapping his tiny, bruised hands so hard that the chick fell from his fists and flapped to the floor in a tumble of feathers. "Ugh, that's fucking disgusting," she grunted, then wrenched his wrist away from the inward curve of his stomach._

_"M—Mama wait, he's just a baby—"_

_"Honey!" she roared. "The brat found some rodent! "_

_"Mama, he's a_ birdie _—"_

 _"Shut up," she hissed. "Or your going back to your room. Honey! Get your_ fucking ass _—"_

_Naruto's new Papa was there in half a second, looking revolted at the mess of feathers on his floor. It wasn't dead yet, but Naruto never saw it again, while he did see a flurry of blue and yellow fluff and a smear of blood in the garage._

_A few hours later, he was sitting tucked underneath his blankets with his new Mama next to him, stroking the purple tinted bruise she'd slapped into him for soaking his pull-up before he was supposed to be changed, soflty cooing to him._

_"This is why we don't keep secrets, baby. They hurt people."_

_"Sorry Mama."_

_"It's okay, baby. No more secrets."_

_"No more secrets."_


	29. All falls down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brothers fight, and nothing good comes of it. Itachi makes a hard decision. Naruto and Sasuke have an important talk that should have been a long time coming.

Sasuke was kind of worried.

Itachi hadn't spoken to him for a while, unless Sasuke forced the interaction. He was mostly quiet, strangely distant. Whenever Sasuke tried to talk to him, he would reply with a one word answer or gently tap his forehead before he walked away.

Until now, that is.

He walked into Sasuke's room when it was about 8:30 at night, carrying a boxed croissant from Publix and a Coke bottle, which he set down on the table next to the bed. Then he sat down, wrinkling the duvet as he tucked his feet under his legs.

Sasuke slowly set down his game controller, noticing the envelope in his brother's hand and the phone he never used wedged in his pocket. The youngest Uchiha swallowed around the thick cotton wadded up in his throat.

"Aniki?" he asked quietly, and his brother flinched. "What's that?"

Itachi stared at him for a second, before he lifted his hand and gently stroked his thumb across Sasuke's cheek. Chocolate eyes stared into Sasuke's ebony ones, his lower lip tucking between two rows of white teeth. He released his breath through his lungs.

"You've been having a hard time," Itachi finally said, voice slow and wary. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, but nodded. His brother continued, "And I can't get you all the... _professional_ help you need when you're here. Before you interrupt me," he added, furrowing both brows, "I know you _hated_ it in rehab. And in the... center."

"I'm not going back," Sasuke spat angrily. He hated the cold walls and the teenage girls, fumbling to throw up without the workers finding out. The gloved, sterile hands always trying to get him to eat _something_ , and praising him when he finally did. The stupid celebration he'd gotten when he finally weighed enough to go home, and the praise he received when he was finally 6 months clean.

Itachi carded a hand through his limply hanging hair, a frown on his tired face. "I know you don't... want to," he finally said. "But I think it would be really good for you."

"I don't fucking care how good for me it would be," Sasuke snarled, shoving the offered Coke away. "I _hate_ that place!"

"I _understand—"_

"No you don't! Why the _fuck_ would you _ever_ think you could understand!?" he roared. Itachi clenched his jaw. "I went through all of that with you, you know. I was there every single step of the way."

"You don't—!"

" _I_ was the one who made you take that medicine," Itachi snapped suddenly, interrupting Sasuke with a cold, flat voice. " _I_ was the one paying the bills for that center _and_ rehab _and_ the nurses _and_ the therapist _and_ your plane ticket over here _and_ this lovely little life you've been living. Yes, you suffered Otouto, and I'm trying my best to understand and empathize, but you are _n_ _ot_ the only one having a hard time here."

"Like you care!" Sasuke retorted, crossing his arms angrily across his chest. "You've been ignoring me for this whole week!"

Itachi's mouth popped open for a second, but snapped shut immediately. "I've been making a few phone calls."

"To who?" Sasuke sneered. "The rehab place, right? You're gonna stick me back in there so you don't have to take care of your _little Otouto_ anymore, no? You finally getting tired of me?"

"That is _not_ what I said—"

"But it's what you meant, isn't it."

"Absolutely not—"

"You just don't want to have to take care of me anymore!" Sasuke snapped, and Itachi shoved the envelope into the bedspread.

"I'm moving out, Otouto," he spat, and Sasuke's world crumpled around him. His eyes widened, hands crinkling in the duvet. Everything was too small, all of a sudden. "What?" he whispered, though the fire in Itachi's eyes never wavered.

"We can't afford to keep three people in the house, and the lease is under Kakashi's name anyway. If I stay, it's just another mouth to feed. The nearest place for you to get the best care possible is expensive, and I—" his breath caught in his throat, and the fire sputtered to a withered flame. "I _love_ you, Otouto. I want you to be happy and safe. I'll be going home with Iruka in two weeks, and I'll be sending the money to pay for the health care and the rent when I take a job back in Japan. I can get a job worth my degree back home and will be able to get in as much money as possible, much more than I was making here, so I'll be able to help pay for you until you're well. Then I can come home again."

"You can't leave!" Sasuke interrupted, and Itachi pulled away from his tears and pleads.

"I have to. Kakashi can't leave, since he's your registered guardian. I'm not allowed to take care of you without some form of acknowledgement from the government, Otouto. You know this."

The tears rolled down Sasuke's cheeks in diamond rivers, tightening the skin as he fisted his hands in his sweatshirt. "B-but I... you _can't_. I'll be all alone!" He reached out and tangled his fingers in Itachi's t-shirt. His brother stroked a hand through his hair.

"You're not alone, Sasuke. You have Kakashi, and Naruto, and Hidan and Deidara and Haku and Sakura and Ino, and all the rest of them. They're such good friends, you'll be fine, okay?"

"No! Not okay! You can't _leave_!"

"And who will take care of you when we can't pay rent anymore?"

Sasuke let out a wet sob and buried his face in Itachi's neck. "I'll stop! I'll eat and I'll quit the drugs and I'll bind properly and I'll—I'll stop cutting and burning. Then I won't have to get all that expensive... help. I'll sell all my stuff and I'll be homeschooled again and I won't go spend anymore money, b-but-but _please don't leave me by myself_."

Itachi rubbed a hand down his back. "You can't stop all of these habits that have been ingrained in your mind in only two weeks, Otouto. I want to stay with you, I do. But all of these things are addictions, and adicctions are nearly impossible to stop without help.

"I'll do it anyway!" Sasuke pleaded, but Itachi just kissed his hair and removed himself from his little brother's grip. "You'll be fine," he promised. "And I'll come back the moment you're all better."

Sasuke reached out and tangled his fists in the back of Itachi's shirt, heaving his silent cries into his warm back. "I can't live in a world when you're not in it," he sobbed after a while. "Not for any amount of time, even if it's just a few months. I can't."

His Aniki rubbed his hands, then pried his fingers off of him. "I can't live in a world without you in it either, little brother. And if I can't pay for you and you don't get help, it'll be for forever without you, okay? I'll see you soon. And I'm not leaving for two weeks, so we can—"

"No!"

"Yes." His tone left no room for argument. "I'll be downstairs."

"Wait, wait, please. If I can stop in two weeks... if I can stop everything, will you stay?"

"You can't stop all of this—"

"Let me try," he pleaded. "I swear I'll ask my friends to help me. Uh, you know, strengthening bonds and shit. Just let me try."

Itachi swallowed, and Sasuke felt it when he spoke, his voice a quiet rumble. "You can try. No promises, though."

"I promise."

Itachi sighed. "Okay. Two weeks."

Sasuke agreed, "Two weeks."

* * *

The first thing Sasuke did when Itachi left the room was snatch up his phone, slamming a familiar number into the screen as fast as he could. When the dobe finally answered, he turned on the speaker while he scrambled into a pair of sweatpants.

"Sasuke? Sasuke! Are you okay? It's been forever, and I haven't heard from you in—!"

"I'm fine, dobe," he snapped immediately. "I just need your help."

He could almost feel the usuratonkachi scratching his head in confusion. "You need help...? Sure! Yeah, whatever you need! What's up? What can I do for you?"

Sasuke swallowed. Here came the beginning of the scary part. "I... um... can we meet up somewhere, actually? I think I want to... talk."

"...you don't wanna break up, right?"

"No. But um... you might want to break up with _me_ after we... talk."

"I'm not gonna judge you, baby. Promise."

Sasuke let his breath out in a soft puff, leaning the back of his head agains the closet. "Okay." He didn't believe Naruto.

* * *

They agreed to meet up in a winter-washed park that had scattered, ice-crusted leaves and dirty snow piled on the walkway. Naruto was sitting on a metal bench in the park, his fluffy blond hair covered by a black beanie, a bright orange, impossible to miss coat draped over his broad shoulders. Sasuke breathed in slowly, then made his way over to the bench.

Naruto leapt to his feet the second he saw him, and scrambled over to yank him into his arms. He hesitated before touching him, though all Sasuke had to do was graze his fingers over the shoulders before the Uzumaki breathed out softly, slowly, and bent down. He wrapped gentle arms around Sasuke, carefully placing one palm on his thin back and cupping the other on the back of his head.

"Thank God," he whispered. "I was so scared, babe. What happened? Did you get grounded?" He pulled back, blue eyes swimming with concern as he pecked Sasuke's forehead, cheeks, the tip of his nose and the corner of his mouth.

Sasuke cleared his throat and willed the blush away, then slowly lowered himself to the bench, Naruto's hands still clasping his. "That's part of... what I wanted to talk about," he mumbled. "But... it's um... kind of serious, and I'm sorry to shove all this on you but I... I need help. Or 'Tachi's gonna leave."

"...Itachi's gonna leave?"

Sasuke nodded, and Naruto drew his brows together. "Okay... I think I'm missing something, but go ahead and say what's on your mind. I promise I'm not gonna be mad or anything." When Sasuke didn't say anything, he tucked an arm around his waist and pulled him close. "You're safe. Go ahead."

The youngest Uchiha let out a shuddering breath, before he finally began to tell a story he had tried to ignore for over nine years.

"My mom died when I was seven. Uh... she was in a pretty bad car accident that ruptured a few arteries and punctured her lung, I think. The paramedics said her heart stopped twice in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. She had to go into a fourteen-hour surgery, but she didn't exactly make it out. That's why I've always been afraid of top surgery, actually. I'm not sure I could go through that after what happened to her. The thing was though, was that me and Itachi and dad saw her body when they were dragging it out of that car. It was..." Sasuke shuddered at the memory of mangled bones and torn flesh. "Awful. And my dad killed himself not long afterwards. Me and 'Tachi walked in on him foaming at the mouth with a shit-ton of empty bottles of medication next to him. His heart wasn't beating anymore.

"We got adopted by Kakashi, since he read our file and felt bad. His dad killed himself too. Anyway, this was all around the time I was starting to feel... wrong. After I met Iruka, 'Kashi's fiance, we talked and found out I wasn't a... girl. Then I picked out a name and got new clothes, and we got a binder. I started T last year."

He snuggled closer to Naruto, wishing the story ended there. This was the worst part, and he knew he and Naruto's relationship rested on this story. This terrifyingly unsteady foundation, which he was about to reveal.

"When I was fourteen, I was homeschooled still. I managed to make some friends, but they weren't the best influences. They taught me to shoot the heroin where no one would see the injection dot and how to wash the smell of marijuana out of everything. I was stupid and basically told them everything about me. They um... convinced me to do some pretty weird stuff after they found out I was trans. One guy told me he'd pay me two-hundred bucks if I showed him my..." Sasuke's breath shuddered out of him, and Naruto gave him a reassuring kiss on the temple. "My... nevermind, um, I think you can guess. But I did it, since I needed the money to buy more... stuff. I stopped eating after one of them told me I was too chubby.

"Kakashi found out everything when he saw me puking in the bathroom with all my diet pills on the counter, and looked between my fingers and found where I'd been doing the heroin. I was grounded for months and put in rehab and a center for people with eating disorders. They thought I was better... and then I went home. But it clearly didn't work, because I ended up here.

"Then Itachi found out I'd been doing this shit again last week, and now he has to move back to Japan in order to pay for all the mental help I'm gonna need to get. But... he says he won't if I can quit without professional help in two weeks, even though he thinks I can't." Sasuke turned hopeful dark eyes to dark blue ones.

"I... I know I need help now, but I _can't_ live without Aniki." If he was in Japan, he would have stood and bowed in front of Naruto. "Will you and... and everyone please help me?" He glanced up at Naruto's face, seeing the uncertainty flicker in his eyes. His stomach sank.

"And more importantly... do you still want to try and love me?"


	30. Don't let me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids work some things out

"And most importantly... do you still want to try and love me?"

Sasuke's voice was quiet and uncertain, his free hand shuffling to his lap as he intertwined his fingers into his loose sweatpants. He looked nervous, and Naruto would have tried to comfort him if he wasn't still kind of reeling, his head swirling with the story Sasuke had just told him.

So his parents had died... just like Naruto's. However, that was where their stories stopped being compatable.

Both of their lives had taken a turn for the worst, though Naruto decided that Sasuke's was way more helpless than his own. Sasuke drowned in the feeling of being unloved and unwanted, pressured to bend to the wills of his 'friends', along with the added confusion of being trans and all the complications that added in intself.

Then, when everything went to shit, his family pulled him back up, only for him to spiral back down. Now, his eating disorder was back, he wasn't sleeping, rehab obviously hadn't done shit and now Itachi might leave.

And they only had two weeks to fix it.

Naruto puffed out a breath and ran a hand through his snowflake-damp hair, then turned to the nervous teen across from him.

"Of course I still want to love you," he said firmly, watching the relief melt into Sasuke's face. "And I'm gonna do my best and yelp you. But," he added, watching the features of the Uchiha twist into wariness. "A lot of things are going to have to change."

Sasuke shifted. "I know."

"And it's not going to be fun."

"I know."

"Or easy. All the withdrawal symptoms are gonna be pretty rough... ask Hidan."

"I know," Sasuke repeated, sounding a bit like a broken record.

"I'm not sure you do, babe," Naruto warned. This is gonna be really hard... and Itachi was right, you know? This can't possibly be done in two weeks. We're basically changing a whole mindset that's been implanted in your brain. And I... don't exactly know if me and you can do it by ourselves. I'm not an organized dude, and you're gonna need a pretty strict schedule to get back to at least slightly normal."

Sasuke wrinkled his pretty nose. "I hate schedules."

"But you want Itachi to stay more, right?"

"Of course, idiot!"

"Well then you better get used to it."

Silence rolled through the space between them for a bit, Sasuke periodically squeezing Naruto's fingers at every birdcall or rustle of the leaves. The park was soft and sweet, the laughter of little kids in the playground and the squeaks of the play-set swinging though the quiet.

Eventually, Naruto sighed.

"I have an idea... but you're not gonna like it."

"Will it make Aniki stay?"

Pausing, Naruto scratched the back of his head with his free hand, then settled his fingers so he was cupping his chin. "I'm not sure," he finally admitted. "But I think it'll get us back on track. Does that sound okay?"

"Depends... tell me what you're thinking."

"Okay. So um... I think you should explain some of your situation to our friends. Not the whole thing... but at least _some_ context."

The silence was stiff and made Naruto's head hurt, but he kept going.

"Sakura can make one hell of a schedule, and I know Chouji can cook like nobody's business. Hidan's been through withdrawal and can help with that. Ino's a health nut and knows how to keep you on track with what you're eating, as well as some kinds of mental shit to help you deal. She probably knows the best stuff to help you sleep, but I dunno about that. She's only like, half a doctor. Gaara knows some shit for anxiety, Haku can help with the trans stuff, and I _know_ you haven't been binding properly, babe, so we gotta fix that. Lee knows how to get you exercising properly, Deidara can help with your body image and babe I just... look, I know it's rough, okay?"

He leaned over and kissed Sasuke's hair, tracing the back of his hand with gentle hands. "I know it's hard. But I've been with all of these guys through everything. I trust them more than anyone else. I trust them with my life, and I trust them with you. I really think they can help."

Sasuke was staring very intently at the ground, his fingers fidgeting quickly, before he finally spoke. "And they'll help Aniki stay?"

"I know they'll do their best. And uh... maybe we can give Neji a call? He knows all about his family leaving, even if they tried their hardest to stay." Naruto kissed his head again, and squeezed him tight. "You don't have to. But think about it?"

"I... I'll think about it. But please don't tell them unless I tell them first? I really want this to be a secret for now. Just between us?"

_"This is why we don't keep secrets, baby. They hurt people."_

_"Sorry Mama."_

_"It's okay, baby. No more secrets."_

_"No more secrets."_

Naruto breathed in slowly, just like Gaara had taught him to do. "Yeah. Secret," he answered, waving a hand like it wasn't a big deal.

It was a big deal.

"Thank you."

"No problem..."

* * *

It was only a few hours before Naruto heard back from Sasuke, the whole time spent freaking out in his room and trying to keep from texting his friends.

_It's a secret, it's a secret, it'sa secret, it's asecret, it'sasecret, it'sasecret, it'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecret it'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecretit'sasecret—_

_"No more secrets.""No more secrets.""No more secrets.""No more secrets.""No more secrets.""No more secrets."Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets, Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets,Nomoresecrets,—_

He jumped when his phone rang, fingers fumbling as fast as he could to answer.

"Sasuke? Did you think— _"_

"Yeah. The answer's... yes. I need Aniki here with me... but we don't have to tell them the whole story, right?" Sasuke's voice was tight and nervous, and Naruto knew he wouldn't like the answer he was about to get.

"We gotta tell 'em most of it. Basically the most important parts, but we don't have to talk about your parents dying! Uh... since that only _kind of_ pertains... yeah, shit, it started the whole thing. But they don't need to know! And they won't ask, I swear. Honestly, all you're gonna have to say is that you did some drugs and you're learing how to get out of that, you can't sleep, you um... you're probably just gonna have to say you have the eating disorder, actually."

"I _don't_ have an eating disorder," Sasuke spat, and Naruto wanted to groan. One of the first things they were going to have to do was make him _admit_ he had anorexia and possibly bulimia, or else he wouldn't work on fixing it properly.

"Okay, we'll get Sakura to ask you a few questions on that to see what's going on then," Naruto answered. "We'll definitely have to tell them we only have two weeks to fix it, too."

"Do I need fixing, Naruto?"

Naruto paused, breathing deep and slow as he raked his hand though his hair.

He wasn't sure how to answer that.

* * *

The room was silent.

Sasuke was staring at his lap, eyes fixed on the string attatched to the hem of his sweatpants. He could feel all of Naruto's friends staring at him, looking horrified as he finished telling his story. He felt Naruto's warm hand on his thigh; smelled the scent of fresh brownies and hot chocolate; saw the thready string threatening to snap off his too-loose pants.

When he looked up, he was surprised.

There wasn't any horror in the eyes of anyone in the room... instead, he saw mostly... sympathy. Hidan scratched the back of his head, then nodded slowly. "I get it, man," he said finally, the first to speak after a while of silence while Sasuke's story sank it. "It's gonna be rough, but we'll help you. Swear to Jashin."

Ino inhaled, and placed her hands in her lap. "Mmhmm. We get it, and we know how to help. Maybe not _fix_ it, we're not exactly miracle workers, but we can at least get you on the right track!"

Hm. That's exactly what Naruto had said.

"Thank you," he whispered, and he felt the beaming smiles of everyone around him.

"No problem!"

"We got you, un!"

"Happy to fucking help!"

Naruto squeezed around his thigh and whispered that he'd done _so good telling everyone,_ while Sakura dug around under Shisui's coffee-table and pulled out a clipboard, then rifled through Ino's purse for a pen.

"Okay!" She exclaimed loudly, a slow grin pulling at her lips as she poised her pen above the paper. "Let's get you on a good schedule, Sasuke! Dei, grab that diet plan you had for yourself two years ago. Haku, can you please grab Naruto's sweatshirt? I think it's in his car. Shika, call Neji, Ino, get all those supplements and shit out. Hidan, go grab that care package/kit thingy we made you a while ago. And Sasuke, get comfy. I'm about to schedule the shit out of you."

Sasuke wasn't even mad as he leaned back into his boyfriend's chest, Naruto's bright orange sweatshirt replacing his old one. His sportsbra was awful, but at least he could breathe. And now the room seemed a lot lighter.


	31. Fix it Felix

Everyone went completely crazy with the schedule, obsessed with helping Sasuke get his head on straight.

They decided that Sasuke ought to have someone sleepover every night for two weeks to "Keep him on track".

Naruto would stay for the first few so he could get used to eating properly, then Hidan for a few so he could help with withdrawal symptoms, then Deidara for some work on Sasuke’s… image of himself.

Sakura wanted to stay for a day eventually so she could see how her schedule worked out, and Ino just wanted to make sure he was following the plan. Gaara was too shy to sleep over and Lee had insomnia, so Sasori agreed to stay one night and so did Kakuzu.

Between all of them, they formed a plan so all of them could stay at least one night (sometimes two) and still help him out.

Sasuke was scared, he couldn’t even try to lie. Itachi’s imminent leaving loomed over him like a Jack in the Box about to pop in his face, and he could hear the creepy, tinkling circus music already.

Over the course of four hours, Ino worked on his nutritional plan so she and Chouji could weave the healthiest meals possible into a meal plan for the two weeks, while Lee chose some simple exercises to build muscle mass but maintain his weight.

“So you’re probably going to want to do a bunch of arm and leg exercises,” Lee explained, his voice oddly calm. “But we’re going to leave your core alone, since that’s one of the main places you store fat. Since it’s hard to quit exercising immediately, like quitting smoking or drinking, it’ll take time. Honestly, we’d rather you not to anything, but this way is better for _you_ , and that’s how we’re trying to structure your life.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Sakura said, nodding. “Your plan completely depends on you and your time. We’re trying to teach you how to manage your time based on what you have to do during the day, what you should be eating, when you should be sleeping and spending time with your family.”

The echoes of the words “ _we’re fixing you_ ” thundered through Sasuke’s head, and he forced himself to nod like a normal person.

“How much are you… uh, changing?” he finally asked, and Sakura perked up.

“Just like we said! We’re changing up your time management. We noticed you don’t get that much sleep, but you still get really good grades? So we’re getting you a time to be _in_ bed by and a time to wake up.” She turned to Ino, who took the floor.

“You should get roughly around 9 to 9 ½ hours, which is enough time to get extra homework done and make yourself breakfast. Chouji and me figured out a way to get you easy, but healthy, meals to make in the morning so you have time, and a quick packed lunch. I dunno if your family makes dinner for you guys or not, but if they don’t, we have you a pretty good plan to stick to. Lee? Wanna keep going?”

“There’s a bit of exercise we put in there before bedtime, then you can wind down by finishing some homework before you get in bed. When you wake up you also have some time to work-out, but only for 20 minutes since we’re trying to get you to _gain_ weight, not lose any. Hidan? I believe you had some things to say to our dear friend Sasuke, right?”

Hidan cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable at having every eye in the room in him. He shifted closer to Kakuzu, but continued their speech anyway. “Uh… yeah. Fuck. Okay. So withdrawal’s like, rough, but if you got the right shit, it’s manageable.” He paused, then shrugged. “Ish,” he added. “First off, how long have you been off?”

Sasuke winced. “Uh… a day.”

“That’s rough, buddy,” he muttered, and Shisui cackled in the corner. “So yeah, the usual, cramping, shitting, puking, you’re gonna be spending a shit-ton of time in the bathroom.”

Sasuke flinched, and Sakura buried her face in her hands with a groan.

“But the healthy eating shit’s gonna help, so is exercising. Like, a fucking ton, helps with the stomach hurting shit. And you can pop an Advil when the doctor’s not looking,” he added, glaring at Ino, who threw her hands up.

“We’re trying to flush the bad stuff _out_ , painkiller isn’t going to help!”

“Oi, fuck you! It totally helps!”

“With _what_!?”

“The _pain,_ you dumb bitch!”

“Don’t call me a bitch!”

“Fuck you!”

“Okay, okay!” Naruto placated, tossing an arm around Sasuke’s shoulders. “We got all the stuff figured out? It’s getting kinda late, we gotta get _this_ guy,” he planted a kiss on Sasuke’s temple, “home. Hand me the schedule, Sakura.”

The pinkette easily handed it over, smiling cheerfully at both of them as Naruto shoved the now crumpled paper in his pocket.

Naruto dragged Sasuke to the door and made him say bye to everyone, crowing something about social etiquette, while he pulled him in the car.

They sat in quiet for a few minutes, before Naruto turned to him. “So? You okay?” His voice was gentle and sweet, tone wary of how Sasuke would react.

“I’m… okay,” Sasuke finally said, remembering how Ino had told him that talking things out made them easier. “That was… a lot.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it was,” Naruto agreed, pressing his blonde head back against the headrest of his chair. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Sasuke mumbled. “I’m just… I’m ready to go home.”

“Sure! You wanna get dinner on the way home?”

 _Absolutely not_. “Uh…”

Naruto chanced a glance at him, and a blush bloomed high and dark on Sasuke’s cheeks. “I’m not… hungry yet.”

“Well your stomach kinda shrunk, so I wouldn’t really expect you to be. We gotta get something in your system though, so we can wait ‘till you get home.” Laughing, Naruto shoved the key into the ignition. “McDonalds probably isn’t very “healthy” anyway.”

Sasuke cracked a smile and hid a wince at the mention of the awful fast food, leaning his head back until they got home.

* * *

Itachi was surprised when they got home early, his eyebrows raised as they crept into the kitchen at only 8 at night.

Sasuke cleared his throat and felt a familiar, tan arm wind its way around his waist as he and his brother formulated a staring contest, Itachi’s eyes confused, Sasuke’s burning with stubbornness and an underlying hint of determination.

“What was dinner?” Sasuke asked after about 30 seconds, forcing the words out of his throat. Itachi raised his brow again, then smiled a bit and nodded towards the fridge.

“There’s cold soba and onigiri in the icebox,” he said. “Naruto, if you don’t know how to use chopsticks, there’s probably a fork or two in the drawer.”

Nodding towards the second drawer to the left of the first cabinet, Itachi bent down slightly and kissed Sasuke’s forehead. “In bed soon, okay?”

 _In bed by 9, actually_. “I will be.”

“I love you, Sasuke.”

“Love you too.”

Itachi ruffled his hair, then turned to Naruto. “Goodnight, Naruto.”

“G’night! Sleep well!”

“You as well.”

* * *

Sasuke woke up in the middle of the night with a churning stomach, the sheets too rough against his skin. He was sleeping in nothing but a hoodie and sweatpants, though it had taken a good amount of convincing to himself to not wear his binder, or bind with anything else he found around his room.

Naruto was passed out on the floor, his limbs tossed wildly about on the futon Sasuke had pulled out for him. At the moment, Sasuke didn’t care.

He rolled out of bed, one hand clamped to his mouth as he scurried to the bathroom. For once, he felt angry at himself for throwing up. He wasn’t even _trying_ to!

After about two minutes of gagging around his dinner, Naruto bumbled up to him and set a gentle hand on his back.

A few seconds of silence reigned, then he spoke. “Guess this is what Hidan said about puking, huh?”

“Shut up,” Sasuke hissed, leaning back over the toilet again. His hands were clammy and shaky, his skin pasty and sticky with sweat. He felt like there was a rock grinding in his stomach, as well as his gut. He exhaled slowly, with a shaky, sour smelling breath before leaning back into Naruto.

The blonde handed him a glass of water from the tap, then kissed his forehead after Sasuke had re-brushed his teeth.

“Let’s get you something to drink,” he said quietly, leading him into the kitchen and rifling through the cabinets and found a box of tea. Sasuke sunk his head into his hands, rubbing at his forehead and trying to deplete the rapidly growing headache that rolled through his temples.

The room was growing black and spotty, the dots mutating into bigger blobs as dizziness set in. His hands rattled against the table, his entire body shaking, now.

Naruto must have figured out how to make their “fancy Japanese tea”, because a warm mug was placed before him after about five minutes, no coaster in sight. A plate with a few crackers (and an Advil) scattered across it was set on the table, too.

“You’ve gotta keep something in your stomach,” Naruto said quietly, allowing Sasuke to worm his way under his arm.

Sasuke had no idea how long they sat there. He knew his head stopped pounding after thirty minutes to an hour, then Naruto made him eat a piece of fruit before they headed back up to bed.

Strange chills rolled across Sasuke’s skin, gooseflesh rising across his arms, so Naruto laid in the bed with him until he fell asleep. He was sweet and cautious in the way he held him, asking Sasuke to place his hands so he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable, as he wasn’t wearing a binder.

Naruto earned himself a kiss on the nose and a nuzzle, which kept him sated until tomorrow. After all, who knew what the morning would bring?


	32. Ice Water Under the Covers

When Sasuke woke up the next morning, he felt achy and sore.

His stomach was tense, his muscles felt like he'd already overworked them, his hands were shaky, his flesh was pebbled, his head was pounding and he kind of felt like he wanted to tear his skin off.

Shivering, he flipped over.

...And was met face-to-face with Naruto's chest.

The blond was passed out completely, drool seeping out from his lower lip and creating a wet spot on the pillow while his hair splayed over the sheets. One arm was tossed haphazardly over his stomach, which peeked out from the gap between his shirt and pants, while the other was thrown over Sasuke's waist.

Huffing, the Uchiha slithered out from under him and headed to the bathroom, his stomach rolling.

...He decided he was probably gonna be in there for a while...

* * *

An hour later he heard his alarm going off from behind the bathroom door, and Naruto called out, "Sasuke?" after a few seconds.

"I'm in the bathroom!" he said loudly, groaning in embarassment.

"Are you okay?"

 _Oh yeah, fucking peachy_. "Fine! I'm almost done!"

He came out a few minutes later, dressed for school, hair and teeth brushed, face washed. Naruto was dressed, but he still had to brush his teeth. Sasuke scrunched up his nose as Naruto leaned down to kiss him, pushing him away while laughing.

"Gross, don't kiss me 'till you brushed your teeth."

"Aww, come on! Gimme a kiss!" He leaned down again, lips puckered obnoxiously. He managed to plant one on Sasuke's cheek, but the brunette just shoved him away, still laughing.

"That's _disgusting_."

"No it's not! C'mereeeeeee!"

Leaning forward again, he managed to briefly brush his lips across Sasuke's temple, though just barely since the brunette was already dashing to the door and down the stairs.

Itachi was already downstairs cooking breakfast (which dashed the reason Naruto and Sasuke had woken up so early) when Sasuke reached the kitchen. "Morning, Otouto." He sounded surprised, even as he turned around and arched a brow, leaning against the counter. "Aren't you up early?"

"Uh... yeah. I wanted to get to school early."

"I see.... and where's Naruto?"

"He better be brushing his teeth," Sasuke muttered, rubbing his brightly-blushing cheek. He tried to ignore Itachi's blatant smirk.

The kitchen was blissfully silent for a whole of four minutes and twenty six seconds before Naruto was bounding down the stairs, fresh-faced and ready to face the day that Sasuke was already dreading.

"Mornin', 'Tachi!" he crowned. Slinging an arm around Sasuke's waist, he planted a loud, wet kiss on his temple. "Mornin', Sasuke!"

"Good morning, Naruto."

"Dobe."

Sasuke was reluctant during breakfast, and he knew everyone could tell, but he was finding it hard to care. He hesitated before every bite, one hand drifting below the table as he tensed his stomach muscles, squeezing the excess skin to evaluate how much of it was fat. He didn't know if it was just his head talking, or if he had a whole handful and more of fat condensed on his stomach.

Naruto reached down and held his hand over the table, flashing a smile at him, and that helped.

The next bite of bacon didn't help.

* * *

Sakura was bouncing on her toes next to homeroom when Sasuke and Naruto walked up to her, her bright pink hair clipped back with a lily barrette with matching white shoes. "Good morning!" she said cheerfully, balancing a few textbooks in her arms. "How are you two? Did you sleep well? Is everything going okay? Is your stomach upset? Ino said that drinking cucumber water—"

"Oi, Sakura! Give him a break, jeez!" Naruto snapped, though his voice was light when he tangled his and Sasuke's fingers together. "It's been a rough day for the poor guy, c'mon!"

Sasuke cleared his throat. "But yeah, I've been doing fine. Been sticking with the schedule so far." _We're fixing me_.

"Awesome! That's great, Sasuke, keep it up!"

"Yeah... I'll do my best."

He pinched his thighs and belly all through class, anxiously rolling the meal-plans through his head. He kind of felt like he was back at the beginning of his eating disorder, where he'd begun to plan out all his meals and work out exercise plans between them. When his weight had been all he'd ever thought of... and now he was going back to that.

Weird how life seemed to circle back.

* * *

At lunch, Ino loudly claimed that throwing away all the scales they had in their house would help his progress. She said it would force him to think about other than what he looked like, and more about how he felt.

Naruto kept a gentle hand on his knee while Sasuke stared at the packed lunch in front of him, while everyone at the table stared at him.

She was only trying to help.

Everyone was only trying to help... but he still wanted to set things on fire.

* * *

After school, Naruto kissed his temple and told him he would see him in the morning, while Hidan and Kakuzu said their own goodbyes. Hidan had a duffel bag thrown over his shoulder, as he would be staying with Sasuke that night.

"It'll be fine," Naruto had said, but Sasuke wasn't so sure.

Dinner felt stunted and awkward, since he knew Itachi and Kakashi, and Hidan, to some extent, were all making sure he wouldn't miss a bite. Even when he was full and felt like he couldn't eat anything else, he shoveled down another bite of too-sweet corn and twirled his fork in his noodles, then pressed it into his mouth.

His stomach felt full and gross, and he wanted to throw up again, but he didn't.

All the textures were bitter and grainy on his tongue, and they felt like acid as they went down his throat. His head still ached, his belly was hurting, his breasts were achy and sore beneath the sports bra he'd immediately put on and he was _hot_ , but he endured.

Itachi _had_ to stay.

So he had to endure.

That night, he stayed awake and did his best to hold down his dinner, and Hidan sat silently beside him in the bathroom when it came back up. He didn't rub his back, place any blame on Sasuke or say he was just trying to stay skinny, he just sat with him.

He offered an Advil and headache medicine, then they sat quietly in the kitchen while Sasuke ate a soft piece of bread that felt gummy on his tongue, but somehow soothed his rolling stomach.

When Sasuke dropped his head onto the table, Hidan did too, and muttered into the wood, "It sucks, huh."

"...Yeah."

Hidan woke him a few hours later and made him drink some water, then they went back to bed. The silver-haired man laid back down on the futon and didn't try to get into the real bed, and tossed him a blanket when he started to shiver.

"Have an ice water," he offered, "And stay under the blankets. It sounds weird, but it keeps the goosebumps away." He tilted his head back against the wall, and Sasuke did too.

It hurt... and he knew it was just going to get worse.

Sakura was staying with him tomorrow, and he knew, he _knew_ she would be the worst yet.


	33. Coloured in Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: description of periods. If you don't like that, then idk what to tell you but you might not wanna read this chapter

Sasuke's eyes were red-rimmed and wet when he woke up the next morning, even though he wasn't crying. His sheets were tangled around his sweaty body, condensation pooling below the glass on the table beside his bed. His abdomen felt tight, his lower back tighter. His face felt like sandpaper, though there was a grimy sheen of oil coating the skin. He grunted and slapped the _snooze_ button on his phone, then flipped back over, trying to ignore the rolling in his belly.

What felt like a year, but was only five minutes, later, he was woken by a short, "Uh... Sasuke?"

He grumbled and tried to snatch the crumpled blanket back over his shoulders, but his plans were foiled when a hand grabbed the sheets. "Dude," the person said again. "You're uh... fuck, you're gonna wanna get up."

" _No,_ " he snapped back, and tried to burrow further.

"But... school? And one other teeny tiny detail that I'm not entirely sure how to fucking explain without shit going down."

"Shut _up_ , Hidan." The blankets were warm, the room was cold, and Sasuke's nose was starting to get red. His skin still felt tight from earlier, his stomach felt worse and his head was beginning to pound, but he did what he did best.

He ignored it.

Sasuke was admittedly a little pissed, though, when Hidan finally gave up, huffed, and kicked the wooden bedframe. Hard.

"What the hell!?" the Uchiha errupted, his spine twisting painfully as he shot up in the bed, a sharp stab of a stinging sensation shooting through his belly. Ignoring it again, he kept his bitterly narrowed eyes on Hidan. "Well? Why'd you _do_ that!?"

Hidan shoved a hand through his hair and grumbled something to the side of his shoulder. "Uh... shit, I don't really know how to like... tell you this? So Imma just say it. You bled through."

Though the metaphorical ice was already creeping up his spine, Sasuke asked anyway. "I... what?"

"Bled through. On the sheets." Before Sasuke could begin the imminently approaching panicking, Hidan quickly intervened. "Don't freak the fuck out, it's fine. I know how to change sheets, so I'll do that, you... clean up? Fuck, I'm bad at this. Where's the laundry room."

Though he felt like he was in a billowing cloud of fog and cotton was stuffed in his head, Sasuke muttered, "Down the hall, first door on the right. Don't... let Itachi see."

"Yeah, got it."

* * *

Sasuke managed to take a five minute shower, and he was glad for the steam fogging over the glass in the mirror while he brushed his teeth. He felt... nasty, to say the fucking least.

His skin felt pasty and slimy, face greasy, creased by his pillow with blemishes dotted all over his cheeks and chin. His figure was completely distorted, hips too wide, crotch too flat, chest too puffy, shoulders too lithe... everything was just _wrong_.

He wanted Itachi.

He couldn't tell Itachi.

His brother would probably see this as the final stupid thing to set Sasuke off, and officially get the fuck out of there. Itachi was probably excited about getting back to Japan, just so long as he didn't have to deal with his idiot baby brother who starved himself and cost more money than he earned.

After realizing he didn't have _any_ kind of products for the entire day, Sasuke swaddled his underwear in toilet paper and _prayed_ it worked. After his period had finally, _finally_ gone away after the ninth or so T-shot, Sasuke had thrown out every tampon and pad he could find.

A bad idea now, he realized, since his stupid 16 year old self hadn't realized that it might come back.

* * *

Breakfast was stilted and awkward, as Itachi kept trying to make conversation with Hidan and pausing every time he cursed. The silver-haired man was clearly trying to stunt his bad language, but it obviously wasn't working.

Eventually, after trying and failing to get Sasuke to talk and join the conversation he'd started, Itachi just cleared the plates and washed the dishes while Hidan went to get ready for school.

"Are you okay?" he asked while he loaded the dishwasher, but Sasuke shook him and his false concerns off. "Fine," he snapped, so naturally, Itachi had to be suspicious.

"You're not acting very "fine"," he scolded, using finger quotations on the emphasized words. "Are you sick? Come here, let me check your temperature. Did you sleep well? I thought you and Hidan were down in the kitchen last night, but I wasn't sure what you were—"

"I told you, I'm just fine! Maybe a little tired? We stayed up last night. I... um... I wanted a snack." _Wanting a snack is g_ _ood cover, plus it makes it look like I actually_ wanted _to eat something. Nice._

Itachi stared at him for a second, then stepped back, looking confused. "You _willingly_ had a snack?"

"Yeah. Don't look so surprised, Aniki. I can get hungry, you know."

Scratching his head, Itachi tipped back and leaned against the counter. "You usually don't want any kind of food, Otouto, why shouldn't I be surprised?"

"I can eat anytime I want to!" Sasuke snapped, suddenly defensive.

"Yes, I know and I'm very proud of you for that, I'm just—"

"You're what? So shocked that I'm so screwed up I can't even want a snack in the middle of the night like a normal fucking person!?" Sasuke knew he was raising his voice when he didn't need to, yelling at his brother unnecessarily, and probably making his case worse, but he couldn't _stop_.

"No, Otouto, listen to me," Itachi said, his voice worried and wary. "I just wasn't _expecting_ —"

"Well, then you shouldn't have phrased it like that!"

Before Itachi could respond, Hidan finally traipsed downstairs, dressed for school with his bookbag slung over his shoulder. "You ready... to... go?" His voice trailed off at the sight of Sasuke, red faced and furious, shouting at his blank-faced older brother.

Itachi pursed his lips and turned back to his chore, while Sasuke turned up his nose and dragged Hidan to school.

* * *

At school, Sasuke was miserable.

He greeted Naruto first thing, burying his face in his boyfriend's warm neck and inhaling slowly, trying to suck in all his warmth and the smell of clean sunshine. Naruto kissed his hair and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's waist, pulling back for a second, only to kiss his forehead and tug him back in again.

Sasuke felt him run his fingers unintentionally over the ridges of his binder tucked under his shirt, and tried not to jerk away.

"Hey, baby," Naruto mumbled into his hair, so Sasuke inhaled slowly and ignored the burning feelings of discomfort welling up inside him. He tucked himself closer, and mumbled a greeting. They stayed like that for a bit, but then they had to get to class, and what a horrible mistake that was.

The seat was digging into his already sore back, and the toilet paper grated against him and chafed in the worst ways possible. The professors droned on more monotonuously than normal, and his belly _hurt_.

And then lunch came around, and Sasuke wanted to _die_.

Everything in his body was already stinging and tense, so he wasn't hungry at all. Which, naturally, led to Sakura staring intensely at him as he poked around at his food for a few seconds, before melting into Naruto's side.

A tan arm wound its' way around his waist, a hand moulding to his hip and lips tapping his temple. "What's the matter? You've been off all day."

Since he wasn't _about_ to tell Naruto, _"Oh yeah, sorry babe, just bleeding out of my very much unwanted vagina nto the toilet paper stuffed into my underwear, why?"_

So he settled on, "Don't feel good."

"Think you're gonna throw up?"

"...Not _that_ kind of don't feel good. Just... hurts."

Naruto hummed and adjusted him, shooting a glare over at Sakura until she settled her eyes on her own plate instead of Sasuke's. "K. You hungry at all?"

Sasuke's throat tensed as he fought not to cry. Naruto was _so_ good to him. "Maybe something little." _Chocolate._ "Like... fruit? Can I have fruit? I didn't bring any with me..."

"Sure! You want my banana?"

" _No. Banana's are nasty_."

"Okay! Chill, geez. Want my grapes."

"Mm-hm."

"Okay!"

Lunch was a little easier after that... but when the second the bell rang, Sasuke sneezed loudly into his elbow, and froze in his seat while everyone at the table got up. Naruto must have felt him tense, because he shot a flashy grin at Shikamaru and mouthed _get them out of here_.

When everyone was finally gone, Sasuke muttered that Naruto could leave to.

"Nah... what's the matter? Are you okay?"

Sasuke paused, and fought the urge to subtly spread his legs check his seat for any blood stains. "I'm fine."

"Okay... why are you still sitting down?"

"Feel like it. I told you, I don't feel that great."

"Okay, then let's go to the nurse. C'mon." Before Sasuke could stop him, Naruto reached down and pulled him up, revealing the stain smeared on the back of Sasuke's pants and all over the ugly cafeteria seat below him.


	34. Double chocolate chip—

_Okay, shit, this is bad. I legit just bled all over the chair, I think that counts as property damage, right? Anyway, Naruto fucking saw my period blood leak all over that chair_ _, the stupid thing that makes me more female then my fucking tits.. wait, he's gay, right? He might be bi, but I'm pretty sure he's gay. Maybe pan? He seems to like everyone... But back to the matter at hand! If he's gay, he'll be 100% disgusted by_ period blood—

"Sasuke?"

 _SHIT_.

"Um..." Looking away awkwardly, he cleared his throat, tapping his foot slowly against the floor as he fiddled with the edge of his shirt. "I um..."

Naruto puckered his lips, then leveled his expression and looked back down to the chair. "Okay, so I'm not sure how we're gonna cover up the chair, but we can probably just leave it? Or we can hide it if worse comes to worse, I dunno... Uh..."

Reaching out, he gripped Sasuke's shoulder and turned him slightly. "Oof, yeah you kinda stained your pants, but don't have a jacket, so you can use mine!"

He pulled off his bright orange hoodie and wrapped it around Sasuke's waist, knotting the sleeves in the middle. "Are you feeling okay? You look kind of uncomfy, I think I have like, Tylenol back at my locker? Might be Ibprofen? Does that work?"

"Uh..."

"Is that why you weren't hungry? Hey, are you good?"

Sasuke's eyes were locked on the ground, wide and wet. His hands were knotted into fists, glued to his sides and trembling. He could tell his face was burning bright red, a mortified blush staining his cheeks.

"...F—fine..." he muttered.

"Really?" Naruto inquired. "'Cause you look kinda..."

"Shut up, dobe."

"No, really! What's the matter? C'mon, talk to me." He waited for Sasuke to speak, but the Uchiha had clamped his lips shut. Eventually Naruto stepped forward and placed his hand gently on the small of Sasuke's back, careful not to push his boundries and touch elsewhere. "Yeah, no, you're right. Let's get you cleaned up! Sakura or Ino might have an Oxi-clean pen in their bags? If they don't, I know Sasori does since he paints so much."

As he talked, he led Sasuke to the bathrooms located a few hallways away from the cafeteria. "If they don't have one, you can probably ask to go home, Kurenai might actually let you."

Sasuke was still stunned when they walked past Naruto's locker and the blonde pulled out a pocket sized bottle of Tylenol, handing Sasuke a few tablets and a plastic waterbottle. The Uchiha gulped down the pills and a swallow of water, then awkwardly handed the bottle back for Naruto to put away.

"Um... thank you," Sasuke said quietly. "I can take care of this by myself, though." _You know. Since it's... really weird._

"Nah, no big deal! I'm just kinda worried! Have you uh... okay, this is gonna be weird."

"I don't care," Sasuke grumbled. Naruto turned the corner and herded Sasuke into the bathroom, holding the door open until he was inside. After making sure there was nobody inside, he locked the door.

"Have you had a period every month? Did it go away after you started T or has this been a regular thing?"

Clearing his throat, Sasuke shook his head. _Well this is awkward._ "No. Usually not, anyway. Most times it's just spotting, but not really enough reason to use a tampon or anything. Shit, you probably didn't wanna hear that! Sorry!"

Naruto shrugged. "Nah, no worries. Haku and Sakura and Ino whine about their's _all the time_. Well, Haku used to, but his went away. Not gonna lie, Zabuza probably fucked it out of hi... Nevermind! Completely irrevelent! Anyway, I am completely and 100% used to this."

Sasuke coughed. "So you're not like... grossed out or anything, right?"

Naruto winked. "Nope! It's a normal bodily function, and everybody should learn to deal with it! Nobody has to like, change anybody's tampon for them or anything, but it's completely natural, kay?"

"...okay." Sasuke looked away, refusing to make eye-contact, but Naruto brightened anyway.

"Cool! Alrighty then, let's check the damage..." Naruto pulled the jacket away from around Sasuke's waist, scrutinizing the stain on his pants. He hummed. "Alrighty, Imma go see if anybody has a Oxi-clean pen. Be right back, okay?"

"Okay," Sasuke whispered.

"While I'm gone, call Itachi, okay? See if he can come pick you up. If he can't, I'll drive you home. Okay?"

Again, Sasuke whispered, "Okay."

Naruto leaned in, gently brushing the hair out of Sasuke's eyes. He kissed his cheek, grinned, and unlocked the door, stepping out into the hall while Sasuke dug his phone out of his bag.

**Sasuke Uchiha:** _Will you come pick me up?_

 **Itachi Uchiha:** _Why? Are you okay?_

 **Sasuke Uchiha:** _I can't tell you. Just please come pick me up._

_I have a reason, I promise_

**Itachi Uchiha:** _I need an actual reason, Sasuke_

 **Sasuke Uchiha:** _Please don't make me tell you_

 **Itachi Uchiha:** _Then I can't come pick you up_

Sasuke breathed out slowly, leaning heavily against the wall. He knew Itachi would understand; He'd been there since the first period he'd had all the way up to the last one. He'd bought products and the snacks that came with the cravings, pain medication to soothe the aches and plugged in the heating pad for him.

Itachi loved him. Sasuke could tell him.

 **Sasuke Uchiha:** _I started my period and I don't have anything with me_

_Naruto's getting something to fix my clothes_

_He's getting medicine too but I he doesn't have anything else_

_Please don't make me ask one of the girls for anything_

There was a long pause between text messages, which naturally drove Sasuke insane, but eventually, Itachi replied back.

**Itachi Uchiha:** _On my way now. Need anything?_

Sasuke replied back in the negative, then tipped his head back against the wall while he waited for Naruto to come back. Five minutes later, the blonde rushed back into the bathroom. "Sorry I'm late," he said quickly. "Deidara had the pen thingy for some reason... you can take care of that in the stall? Did you text Itachi?"

"Yeah. He's on his way."

"Cool, cool. Wanna go clean up?"

"Um... yeah."

"Okay."

* * *

Naruto walked him to the exit after Sasuke was remotely clean, still feeling pretty damp from the water he'd had to dampen his slacks with, and sat on the benches outside while they waited for Itachi to pull up.

He wrapped an arm around Sasuke's shoulders so the Uchiha could tuck his head into his neck, then kissed his temple slowly. "Does your stomach hurt?" he asked softly, and Sasuke nodded. Reaching down, Naruto placed one warm hand on Sasuke's belly over his clothes, rubbing slow circles over the bloated stomach. The pressure eased the cramping feeling, as did the warmth of Naruto's skin.

"Mm..." Sasuke murmured, practically melting against the blonde's body. "Better?" Naruto whispered, so Sasuke groaned again, making the Uzumaki laugh. "I think I'm gonna take that as a yes," he crooned.

They stayed in that position for a bit, until Sasuke watched Itachi's sleek black car drive up.

"Wish me luck," Sasuke whispered, pecking Naruto's cheek before he picked up his bag and rushed to the car.

Itachi's face was blank as he stepped into the car and tossed his backpack in the back of the car. "Feeling alright?" he questioned, cranking the car and turning out of the lot. Sasuke cleared his throat and shuffled in the seat, pulling the seatbelt taught and resting his hands on his belly.

"Um... fine. Kinda hurts."

"Did you take anything for it?"

"Yeah. Naruto gave me a Tylenol," Sasuke replied, and Itachi hummed. "Tylenol usually doesn't work on you," he commented.

"I didn't tell him," explained Sasuke. "He seemed pretty proud of himself for having something on him, so..."

"Hn. I'm going to stop at the drugstore, then. We don't have any Excedrin; I asked Iruka to check. Want anything else while I'm in there?"

 _Chocolate._ "No. Not particularly."

"What was it you liked when you were 13? Double chocolate chip—"

"No! No I'm good!"

Itachi eyed him with a smirk, pulling into the CVS with a secret grin. "Alright, alright. You needed tampons, right?"

" _Aniki,_ " Sasuke pleaded. 

"Unless you want Naruto to pick them up, I think—" Itachi was cut off by yet another, " _Aniki!_ "

"Well, I guess you could ask him, I'm sure he would, but you'd probably leak all over—"

"Okay, alright! You know what kind to get. Now go!"

"Geez, Otouto," Itachi snorted, pulling his wallet from the glove-box. "No need to be smart with me." Laughing, he leaned down and poked Sasuke between the eyes, closing the door quickly so Sasuke couldn't throw the pencil he'd found wedged between the seats at him.

Before he could leave, Itachi glanced over at him. "Thank you for telling me, Sasuke. I'm always here to help you, you know that?"

Sasuke leaned back, nodding stiffly, but thankfully. "I know. Thanks, Aniki."


	35. Ashes, Ashes

Itachi was straight business when they got home.

Which, unfortunately, entailed Sasuke actually doing the work to take care of himself. The keys jangled against each other on their chain while Itachi pushed them through the key-hole, waiting until the click so they could walk in.

"Go change your clothes," Itachi said, tossing the CVS bag on the counter. Rummaging through, he pulled out a package of tampons, a box of night-time pads, and a bottle of Excedrin, which he handed to Sasuke, who groaned.

"I could have just taken the bag upstairs," he muttered, tucking the packs under his arm.

"I'm well aware," Itachi answered. "But I need the bag. I still have ice cream and cookie dough in here, both of which need to go in the freezer." He swept a quick glance at Sasuke, rolling his eyes on the incredulous glare on his face. "Don't glare at me, Sasuke. It might be for me, you know."

"You don't even _like_ cookie dough!"

"Well, you're having another friend sleep over again tonight, remember? Maybe he likes it. Not everything is about you, Otouto."

Sasuke shuffled uncomfortably. "Um... the person staying over is actually a girl..."

"Well, you're gay anyway. I was honestly more concerned when Naruto stayed over. You never know what two hormonal teenage boys, dating, nonetheless, could get up to after 11 o'clock at night. What _were_ you doing?"

The youngest Uchiha sneered. "Don't freak out, Aniki, I'm not interested in _that_ anyway." _That_ being sex. Probably never would be, honestly, not with all the disdain he felt every time he saw his body.

Itachi glanced back at him as he put the ice cream and the cookie dough in the freezer. "You may change your mind one day," he commented, leaning an elbow back against the counter. "A lot of people do." After a pause, he sighed. "Kisame did—"

"Ew! I do _not_ —"

"Oh, hush Sasuke. _Anyway_ , a lot of people aren't comfortable with what they look like, so it's important to pick the right partner to—"

"I _told_ you, it's just nasty! I don't care about—"

"That's a lie and we both know it."

Sasuke looked away, defensive, and Itachi sighed. Honestly, Sasuke knew Itachi was right. He was very uncomfotable with what he looked like. His face was fine, even if it was a bit too soft and round, but he was attractive enough. His problem was the extra fat piled on his hips, the lack of a dick, and the alien mounds on his chest.

"I just... I don't think I'm ready," he finally said. "And I don't know if I'm ever going to be. I don't think I'll enjoy... the act itself."

"And that," Itachi answered, leaning down to lift Sasuke's chin, "Is perfectly acceptable. There are certainly some people who won't ever want to, or who have tried it and didn't care for it. I just don't want you to miss out on anything because you don't like what you see in the mirror."

"Well if _I_ don't like what I look like, why should anyone else?"

"You are your own harshest critic, Sasuke. Don't forget that, please."

"I won't."

Itachi studied him for a few more seconds, before he let him go and stepped back. "Go change, do your thing. And _hey_ ," he added as Sasuke began to run upstairs. "Take off your binder."

Sasuke yelled back, "No! I still get four more hours with it, I wrote it down!"

* * *

Sasuke stayed in bed for 90% of the afternoon, finshing homework due next week and pressing the dark blue heating pad to his belly. Itachi came up a few times to offer water and something to eat, but Sasuke felt nauseous and refused. Itachi gave him a look at that, so Sasuke flipped him off and turned over in the bed, yanking the sheets over his head.

Naruto and Sakura showed up at 4. The pinkette immediately pulled out her homework and settled down on the floor of his bedroom, placing her overnight stuff neatly in the corner. Naruto, however, piled into bed with Sasuke, burrowing under the covers and ignoring his after-school work.

At the slightest touch, he felt the heating pad keeping the cramps at bay, and kissed Sasuke's ear. "Still hurtin'?" he whispered, quiet enough so Sakura couldn't hear, and Sasuke nodded.

"Not _that_ badly," he admitted, because it really wasn't that bad. "It's... enough though."

"M'kay. Tell me if you need anything."

"Mm."

Sakura finished her homeowrk at around 5:30, closing her books and settling them in her backpack with the rest of her things. Naruto was sleeping against Sasuke's back, dead to the world, so she settled at the foot of her bed with a novel, eating a snack of popcorn she'd packed.

Eventually, Sasuke drifted off too.

* * *

Dinner was uneventful, Sakura, Naruto, and Iruka conversating over yakisoba and onigiri, the American girl somehow perfectly handling her chopsticks. Itachi and Kakashi were quiet, as was Sasuke. During the entire meal, Naruto's hand layed warm over Sasuke's thigh, unmoving and comforting. To Sasuke's relief, nobody commented on the few bites of noodles he'd eaten, though Sakura pursed her lips and snatched a pen to write something on the underside of her arm.

Sasuke hated that.

He just felt nauseous, it wasn't like he was trying to starve himself. He would have told her he was on his period, but he really didn't think she needed to know. He didn't want her psychoanalyzing him anyway.

They all piled on the couch to watch a movie, Iruka and Kakashi nestled in the armchair while Sakura curled up on the fluffy carpet with a blanket. Itachi sat on one side of the main couch, and Sasuke pressed himself up against Naruto's warm body on the other side of the cushions.

About halfway through the movie, Naruto's hand wedged it's way onto Sasuke's stomach, slowly rubbing small, indecipherable circles with his fingers.

But of course, because life worked like that, night had to come eventually, and therefore, Sakura could go prepare her sleeping place on the floor and Naruto had to say his goodbyes.

He kissed Sasuke's forehead at the door, lightly squeezing his hips while he waited for the rest of everyone to leave. When they did, he slotted his mouth against Sasuke's properly, pressing him gently against the door so he could get a better grip. As a natural reaction, Sasuke lifted his arms and locked his hands behind Naruto's neck, cocking his head to get a better angle.

They stopped when Itachi called, Naruto pecking him one last time before he had to leave.

Then, Sasuke was to go back upstairs and try to sleep.

* * *

At about 9:45, Sakura planted her book down on her sleeping bag and sat up, moving to perch herself at the edge of Sasuke's bed, crossing her legs neatly beneath her school uniform skirt.

"So," she began curtly. The Uchiha blinked and placed his phone on the nightstand, pausing his conversation with Naruto.

"What?" he answered flatly, not able to help the annoyance that seeped into his tone.

" _So_ ," she elaborated, "You hardly ate anything for dinner. You only had six bites, and we got you a regular sized portion. You only drank a little water, too."

_Shittttttt._

"Oh... um... I wasn't really hungry..." he muttered.

"That doesn't _matter_ , Sasuke," she patronized. "The point is, your stomach shrank a lot when you stopped eating, so we need to stretch it slowly back into the normal size. Therefore, sometimes you need to eat when you aren't hungry. It's good for you, even if you don't like it. When was the last time you weighed yourself, by the way? Have you been writing your weight down? So you know how much you gained? You should be."

Sasuke cleared his throat. "Um..."

" _Also,_ you left school early? I know you might not feel comfortable with a lot of people, but you should socialize anyway. It's good for you. Also, during lunch, you only had four grape tomatoes with—"

"I was nauseous," Sasuke snapped, not even feeling bad for interrupting her.

"Yes, you probably were if you ate the right stuff for breakfast. Have you been feeling well? You have pain medication out in the bathroom. I saw it when I was brushing my teeth earlier."

Sasuke did _not_ want to tell her that he was on his period, had been in pain all day, and had felt sick so he didn't eat, but she was pissing him off so much he just blurted it out. "I'm bleeding out of my fucking vagina."

_...Oops._

There was a long awkward silence, before Sakura pulled back and pursed her lips. "Oh. That would explain... a lot."

"...Yeah."

She hummed at him, then folded her arms back across her chest. "Are you binding right now, then?"

Sasuke looked away uncomfotably, uncertain of how to answer the question. "...Duh."

"Don't be smart with me, I'm just checking. You should take it off. The glands in your breasts are swelling right now due to hormone imbalance, and it's bad for you to stop the process. Also, knowing you, you're wearing a tampon. You can't wear that to bed, since we don't know—"

"Shut up!" Finally having had enough, Sasuke tore the blankets off and slammed his hands on his hips. Rage swirled in his stomach, his fury building. "I've had enough. You need to leave right now."

Jade eyes widened, her hands curling in her lap. "I'm just trying to help you! You clearly—!"

"If you say I need more love or some stupid shit—"

"No, no! I'm just helping you fix some imbalances in your life—"

"Stop telling me I need fixing, asshole! Now get your stuff _out_ of my room and get _out_ of my fucking house!"

He left the bedroom, shutting the door quietly so he wouldn't wake up Itachi. He sulked at the table, glad when he heard the front door unlock and shut softly, signaling that Sakura had left.

He breathed out slowly, relieved. 

He tapped his foot anxiously against the floor, itching and antsy.

His head hurt...

His eyes locked on the lighter resting next to one of Iruka's candles on the counter. Sasuke scrambled to get out of the chair without letting it scrape against the floor, reaching for it, curling his fingers around the plastic trigger.

He held the tip to his forearm, rolling his hoodie sleeves up, fingers slowly pressing down—

"Put the fucking lighter down, Uchiha."


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure a lot of the people who have stuck with this work from the first few chapters to the last can tell that this is one of the longest ones I've ever written. That's because I'm putting the last few planned chapters into one long one.
> 
> Special thanks and a shoutout to freakontour, who, aside from always brightening my day, gave me the quote in this extra-chapter. “That mirror needed to be fixed. But you, like this prism, just need to reflect your light a little differently.”
> 
> This probably isn't totally finished, just this part. If you want an epilogue, tell me. If you want a bunch of oneshots about their life after this story? Tell me. Again, thank you for reading! I appreciate all of you :)

"Put the fucking lighter down, Uchiha."

Sasuke's heart palpitated violently in his chest, fingers freezing on the lighter burning in his hands. A door slammed shut, a lock clicked, and golden fingers plucked the lighter from his hands, slamming it down on the counter.

Despite the expectance of the noise, Sasuke jumped anyway, pressing his head lightly against the cabinet in front of him while he shook. A hand landed on his shoulder, pulling him backwards, but he struggled and moved away. Unfortunately for him, the hand was strong and he was tugged backwards anyway.

"Stop it," Sasuke hissed.

He whirled around, raven hair slapping him in the face as he met frazzled golden hair thrown up in a messy ponytail and angry blue eyes. His bag was slung over a hunched shoulder. Sasuke was about to shout at Deidara and yell for him to leave, but he stepped back in surprise instead.

A long cut clawed its way up his cheek and seared into his forehead, blood pooling in the corners of his mouth, a red ruby river riveting down his neck. A black bruise was blooming on the skin of his eye, swelling it shut and fanning blonde lashes across his cheeks.

Deidara narrowed his eyes and yanked the hoodie over his head, glaring. Sasuke's lips parted in shock.

"What the _hell_ happened to you?!" he whisper-screamed, mortified.

The blonde just scoffed and shoved a hand in his pocket. "I wasn't a pussy, un. What about you?" he pointed to the lighter Sasuke had dropped on the counter, and the Uchiha rolled his eyes.

"Sakura."

"Yeah, she's the one who called me," Deidara muttered. "She was totally freaking out, un... all crying and shit... What'd you even say to her, un?"

Sasuke stared at him for a second, then sat heavily at the pulled-out chair at the kitchen table. The blonde seated himself and propped his chin on his hand, looking relaxed despite the thick tension brewing between them. Sasuke tapped his fingers on the table for a minute longer, then glanced up.

"So... how'd you get all beat up?"

Humming, Deidara leaned back in the chair and propped his head against the backboard. "Was hangin' out with some people after this party I was at, saw somebody getting beat up so I stepped in and _apparently_ the dude had a knife." He gestured to the cut. "I got the call from Sakura when I was on the way to the pharmacy to grab a band aid. You got any?"

Sasuke blinked. "Um... band aids?"

"No, lemonade," Deidara snapped, rolling his eyes. " _Yes,_ band aids."

"Try the bathroom cabinet above the table," Sasuke offered, and the blonde nodded. "When I get back," Deidara added, "We're talking about this."

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Mm, tough shit."

When he got back, Deidara had slapped a Mickey-Mouse band aid on top of the gash on his face and smeared some kind of antiseptic into the little cuts littering his jawline, which Sasuke hadn't seen earlier. His hair had been put up neater, no more bobbles in his ponytail or knots tangled in the blonde strands.

He looked better.

Much better.

“So,” Deidara started, voice surprisingly light for the situation. “What happened to you?”

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke tipped himself further back in the chair, wincing when he felt the ridges of his binder scrape against his skin.

Shit.

He should’ve taken that off hours ago.

However, he ignored that little fact and snapped, “Nothing. Sakura’s just… a jerk.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t go that far, un. She means well. What’d she say?”

The thing was, Sakura was actually very smart. She had As in every class, a 4.0 in the college classes she was already taking. She was neat and organize, and she had a system for everything. She was observant, critical, but she wasn’t sure how to talk to other people, he guessed.

She could be blunt and rude, and prioritized strange things over others. She didn’t want anything touching the back of her neck, which was why she cut her hair at an angled bob and never wore scarves, even if it was cold. Even if it was freezing. She hated velvet and leopard print, and she—

“Sasuke. Look man, I dunno if you’ve talked about any of this stuff yet, but you gotta, un. It’s so bad for you to keep it all in your head, trust me.” His eyes darkened. “I would know.”

Sasuke just turned his head, lower lip caught between his teeth. He turned away again.

“Seriously. What happened?”

“…”

“I’m trying to—”

“Help me, right?” Sasuke finally interjected, raising burning black eyes to Deidara’s face. “That’s what Sakura said. You’re just trying to _help_.”

The blonde hesitated, then shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. To put it lightly. We love you, care about you, all that jazz. Sakura just doesn’t really know how to deal with all of the feelings and stuff. She means well.”

“Does she? She didn’t articulate ‘well meaning’ very well.”

Deidara gnawed on the inside of his cheek for a second before releasing it and groaning. “Look, I’d normally tell you something that would definitely clear all this stuff up for you, un, but it’s not my story to tell.”

“Naruto didn’t have any problem telling my story to everyone around him!” Sasuke snapped, unaware until now that the mistrust for Naruto still bubbled in his gut.

“Naruto _also_ has a story I can’t tell you, _especially_ since he hasn’t told you yet.”

Though Deidara was probably trying to placate him, Sasuke almost recoiled. After Sasuke had told Naruto _his_ story, his pain, his suffering and his explanations… seemed like his boyfriend was still holding back from him.

Seemed like Naruto could throw Sasuke’s pain around all he wanted, could tell his friends and wave it around… but heaven forbid Naruto’s secret get exposed.

Sasuke had bared his hurt, but Naruto had withheld his own and had no problem with telling everyone about Sasuke’s.

“Oh,” the Uchiha finally croaked, hurt. That was… fine. It was fine.

Everything was fine.

Sasuke let his hands fall into his lap, fingers twitching against his thighs. He wondered if the binder he was wearing was the reason it was so hard to breathe.

“I’m sorry,” Deidara said. “I uh… I’m really sorry I can’t tell you, un.”

“Not your fault,” Sasuke muttered.

It wasn’t Deidara’s fault.

It wasn’t.

It was Naruto’s.

Sasuke scratched a bit at his wrist, where the fire from the lighter had grazed his skin before Deidara had barged in, then glanced up.

“D’you think Itachi’ll stay in America with me or go back with Iruka-san?” Sasuke asked. Desperate to pull his mind off the reminder that _Naruto didn’t care_ and _Maybe Itachi doesn’t either_. _Maybe this financial stuff was his excuse to finally leave._

Deidara scratched his head, digging his fingers through his ponytail. “…Why?” he asked. “You’re on the right track so far. Doing pretty good according to that list, un. You’ve followed it to the letter.”

Sasuke cleared his throat. “Just curious.”

“About what, un?” Deidara prompted.

“Wondering how much more I have to get fixed before he’ll stay with me. I’m tired of the list.”

Deidara was silent, and Sasuke wondered if he shouldn’t have said that. Probably not.

He said a lot of things he wasn’t supposed to say.

However, he didn’t have to wonder long, because eventually the blonde began to shuffle around in his bag.

“Where the… ah- _hah_!” Deidara yanked out a compact mirror, which probably held some kind of powder too tan for Sasuke’s fair skin. For some reason, he cradled a key-chain with a prism on it in his other hand.

Knowing the makeup was too dark for him and he had no reason to have a prism, the Uchiha arched a brow. “The hell’s that for?”

Deidara opened the compact, surprising Sasuke with the cracks scattered across the reflective glass and the shattered compressed powder. He was careful not to spill any on the table.

“You see this mirror, un?” Deidara asked.

Sasuke, keeping his eyebrow raised, nodded. “Yeah. It’s all broken. How’d that happen?”

“My bag fell when I got socked in the eye earlier, un, and this was in there. You see this?” he held up the prism, shooting rainbows across the table and over the backs of Sasuke’s hands.

“Pretty, right, un?”

“I guess.”

“I think it’s really pretty, un,” Deidara announced. His lips tilted up slightly. “Is there anything wrong with it?”

Sasuke studied it, but shook his head. “Looks like a regular prism.”

“It does. What about this one, un? What’s wrong with this one?” He presented the mirror, and the Uchiha rolled his eyes.

“Look at it, dumbass. It’s shattered.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, un, I’m gonna do something Sasori showed me a long time ago when I thought there was no _fucking_ way I was ever gonna be anything besides a prostitute. If you had to compare yourself to either of these things, which one would you pick, un?”

Sasuke hesitated, knowing this was what Deidara wanted him to do, but he pointed to the mirror. Broken and shattered, too far to be fixed. A lot like him.

“Hm. Okay. Why’s that?”

Sasuke was frozen, but Deidara somehow made him want to keep talking. “I…”

“You gotta be honest with me or my analogy isn’t gonna work and I’m gonna look like an idiot, un,” Deidara teased, and Sasuke snorted.

“Fine,” he muttered. “It’s so fucked up that nobody’s ever gonna want it.”

“And _that_ , my friend, un, is where you’re right. But _you_ aren’t broken, like this thingy. This can only be replaced, since there isn’t any way to fix a broken mirror, un.”

Deidara reached behind him and tossed the compact in the trash, maintaining eye-contact with Sasuke the whole time. “You’re not broken, Sasuke, not like that mirror. You see this, un?” he waved the prism around, scattering the rainbows across the room.

Sasuke swallowed, nodding. “Yeah.”

“That mirror needed to be fixed. But _you_ , like this prism, just need to reflect your light a little differently. Do you get it, un?”

Sasuke couldn’t breathe.

That mirror, the broken one, was supposed to be _him_. He was supposed to be the thing beyond all fixing point, the thing that everyone threw away and that everyone wanted and needed to replace. The thing so useless that the only thing to do was grind it up and toss it.

His vision of himself over the years had been a shattered image, distorting his body and his thoughts and his view of other people.

Then Itachi loved him.

Kakashi took care of them.

Iruka cherished him.

Haku showed him he wasn’t alone.

Deidara screwed his head on straight and Naruto…

Sasuke needed to talk to Naruto.

He didn’t notice his cheeks were wet until Deidara pulled back and stretched, grinning. “I think you finally get it, un. I think you _finally_ get it.”

Sasuke sniffed, haughty. “And what is it that I get now?”

“That instead of _fixing_ you, we’re trying to help you change your viewpoint on the world. Gotta show you how great you can be when you actually try, un. You’ve got an awesome future ahead of you now… and I think you finally wanna reach it yourself, un.”

“I’m fixing... _changing_ myself for Itachi,” Sasuke corrected, and Deidara huffed.

“This is something you need to do for yourself. You have to _want_ your future, un, and your future isn’t one person.”

“Itachi—”

“Is awesome, un. Is your brother, too. But _you_ , Mr. Uchiha sir, are the one who still doesn’t have a job and needs to be six weeks clean before you can start driving. Okay, un?”

“…I don’t get it.”

“Focus on yourself a little. Your health and your mentality. Learn to express yourself properly, and to not have to double check that you’re sleeping in your binder or eating enough calories. It should be automatic, burn Ino’s stupid list if you gotta. This is for _you_. That’s the fastest way to make sure Itachi stays at home, un.”

For the first time in a few years, Sasuke understood.

He also knew he had to talk to Naruto.

…And take his binder off. He could feel his ribs a little too well.

* * *

First thing the next morning, Sasuke grabbed his phone off the nightstand and called Naruto. Deidara was still passed out on the floor, blonde hair splayed across his pillow and his mouth hanging open.

His black eye looked darker, but that meant it was healing, so that was a good thing.

Sasuke punched in Naruto’s number, not even looking through his contacts, he knew it by heart, and held the phone to his ear after he hit “call”.

_ “Hello?” _ Naruto asked, voice sleepy. _“Oh, Sasuke! Hey, how are you? You okay? How was Sakura? I told her to go easy on you, but I dunno_ —”

“Naruto,” Sasuke interjected, trying not to allow the frustration to seep into his voice. “When is the soonest time you can meet with me today?”

_ “…Um… like, half-an-hour? I dunno. Why? Everything okay?” _

Sasuke rolled his eyes, leaning back against his pillows. “It will be. You come over in half-an-hour, okay? I’ll kick Deidara out as soon as he wakes up.”

_ “Deidara? I thought Sakura was staying over?” _

“She was,” Sasuke said, voice flat. “But she was being a jerk so I kind of got pissed and made her leave and she freaked out and called Deidara and he stayed over.”

_ “What?!” _ the panic was clear in Naruto’s voice, and it made Sasuke want to roll his eyes.

“Everything’s fine,” Sasuke assured him. “We had a good talk. And now it’s your turn to talk to me, so I’ll wake Dei up. Talk soon, okay?”

_ “Okay… see you soon _ . Everything okay?”

“Sure.” He hung up.

* * *

Did Sasuke _want_ to talk to Naruto? Not really. Did he _want_ to talk about their problems that he didn’t know they had until now? Not really. Did he _want_ to pull out every secret and dive deep and be vulnerable and _try_ for their relationship?

…Yes and no.

It was an important thing to do, since communication is key in every relationship. Sasuke had done his best to communicate. He’d told his secret, explained his struggles, and tried to be better for himself and the people around him, mostly Itachi, but Naruto…

Had been hiding something, even after Sasuke had told him everything he could.

So admittedly? He was pissed.

And why shouldn’t he be?

Even Deidara told him he had a right to be, and he and Naruto were besties or whatever.

So yeah, he was pissed, and probably would be for a while.

Unfortunately, half of his will crumpled when he saw Naruto standing hopefully at the door, smiling foolishly and holding a grocery bag.

“Hey!” he said cheerfully, dutifully toeing his shoes off at the door like Itachi taught him the very first time he came over. He planted his grocery bag on the table, then turned to Sasuke. Grinning, he held open his arms, and Sasuke almost stepped into them.

He stayed strong, though.

Folding his arms across his chest, Sasuke arched an elegant brow and clenched his jaw. This, of course, caused a confused look to drift over Naruto’s face.

“What?” he asked awkwardly. “What’d I do?”

“A lot,” snapped Sasuke. “A lot _you_ need to explain. Go sit at the table or something. I’m making tea.” Before Naruto could ask, he turned to glare. “It’s a Japanese thing.”

“Um… okay.”

Sasuke almost burned himself with scalding water and accidentally spilled sugar all over the counter, hands trembling, not knowing if Naruto would tell him the truth or get angry at him. He knew Naruto wasn’t an angry guy, but still… Sasuke was okay to be nervous.

Right?

He tried to put the tea-bag in the cup, but missed and dropped it on the counter, scattering the sugar over the floor.

A warm hand slowly covered his own, a strong arm belting around his waist.

“Leave it,” Naruto said quietly. “Let’s go upstairs, okay? We’ll clean up in a bit.”

So they did.

Though the electric blanket was on and the heating pad was flush against the skin of Sasuke’s belly, he still felt cold. Naruto was staring intently at him, brows drawn together and a frown on his face.

Sasuke fiddled with the hem of his shirt and nibbled on his lip. “Do you remember,” he began, wondering if this was a good way to start, “When we went to the park a few weeks ago and I told you about my parents?”

Naruto nodded vigorously. “Of course! I wouldn’t ever, ever forget that! That was important to you, baby, so it’s important to me.”

“Thank you.” Sasuke cleared his throat. “Remember when you told all of your friends that I was trans?”

Naruto nodded slowly. “Yeah…”

Narrowing his eyes, Sasuke dropped the hem of his shirt and shoved off the electric blanket. “Why did you do that?” he snapped. “Why the hell would you have even _thought_ that I would have wanted you to do that?”

“I don’t… I don’t—” Naruto scrambled for the words, but his eyes were slowly widening. “I um.. I just… I’m _sorry_ —”

“Naruto.” Sasuke’s voice was cold, but he couldn’t help it. “Tell me why. Deidara said… he said there was something you weren’t telling me. Even after I… after I told you everything that happened to me.”

When Naruto didn’t speak, Sasuke wilted.

“You don’t have to tell me why you couldn’t keep my story to yourself, but you need to tell me why you couldn’t let me know that you couldn’t keep secrets. You told them about my parents too. And that…” He swallowed, Deidara’s reminder to talk about what he was feeling to people who cared about him ringing through his head. “And that hurt me. A lot.”

Naruto shifted uncomfortably in his seat, so Sasuke looked down. “If we can’t communicate, this relationship probably isn’t going to work out. And if you don’t want it to, then I guess—”

“No!”

Sasuke snapped his head up. Naruto’s eyes were wide and horrified, tears welling in his eyes and spilling over his lash line. Despite his sadness, he looked determined. “I want to be honest with you,” Naruto said firmly. “And to do that, I know we have to keep things even. You told me your story. And now it’s my turn, right?” He flashed a smile, sad as it was, and snuggled up a little closer to Sasuke.

“But you gotta let me hold you while I tell you,” he said, still smiling shakily. “It’ll make me feel better.”

Sasuke shrugged to himself and allowed himself to be held. The heat felt nice on his cramping stomach anyway. “Okay,” he agreed. “Go ahead.”

Naruto reached down to kiss him briefly, his mouth hot and damp though his lips stayed closed against Sasuke’s, then shuffled somehow closer and began.

“So uh… I was in the foster system for a long time. Like, a long time. Still am, actually, the family I’m with has been fostering me for a while, but they can’t really afford adoption yet since the agency’s still paying for some stuff. So yeah, that’s a thing.”

He was quiet, so Sasuke hummed in response, tucking his head softly beneath Naruto’s neck.

“And then uh… one foster family, the one I had for like, four years, the longest, actually, kinda told me some stuff that sort of pertains to my issues. Since I got my therapist, I really started to realize that issues that I thought were normal stuff actually weren’t. Keeping secrets is just one of the many.”

Sasuke swallowed. If it came to asking what Naruto’s foster parents had said, he probably wouldn’t ask because it wasn’t his place. He would take what Naruto would give him, no more and no less. But from how quickly the blonde was speaking…

“They just said stuff, crazy shit, now that I think back on it, but really… they sucked. They had me since I was 4 ‘till I was 8, four sucky years of “secrets are bad, baby, they hurt people” and “if you keep secrets, that means other people won’t like you” and stuff. They weren’t even the worst family but ah… that’s mainly why I can’t really… keep secrets? Ish? Yeah, give or take. Honestly, if I told you my whole story you’d be bored to death, babe. It was just one pair of shitty parents after another.”

Naruto seemed to be done, and relieved that he was. He stuffed his face into Sasuke’s fluff of black hair and nuzzled it, silent. They sat like that until Sasuke quietly called his name.

“I’m okay,” Naruto assured him, his voice firm and decisive as it always was. “I’m just… that was hard. Sorry.”

“No, please don’t be,” Sasuke whispered.

“I am, though. Because I should have told you when you told me first. I should have been honest.”

Being raw and completely open is easier when you can’t really see each other, Sasuke decided, pressed up to and snuggled against Naruto.

“I forgive you. It… I think I’ll manage to get over it,” Sasuke said. “It’s hard. I almost didn’t tell you about the stuff that happened for me.”

Naruto laughed, shattering the tension. “Aww, come on, you didn’t love me enough to tell me? Come on!”

“Of course I do,” Sasuke scoffed, then froze, slapping a hand roughly over his mouth.

_You didn’t love me enough?_

_Of course I do_.

“I mean… um… I just…” he was stuttering, and he hated it.

Naruto’s eyes were wide, shining and confused. “Wait, woah, woah, woah, back up a little. I said you didn’t love me enough, and you said, ‘of course I do’, I am so… wait, you LOVE ME?!”

Defensive now, Sasuke sat up. “Why is that so hard to believe?!” he snapped. “I mean, I told you everything about me and you’re like, the only person who’s gotten this close to me this fast and you liked me for _me_ and not… not anything else and I just—”

He was cut off when Naruto’s mouth slammed into his, lips slotting sloppily together as the blonde tilted Sasuke’s face at an easier to access angle. His mouth was hot and damp, lips chapped but Sasuke didn’t care as he was lifted from his position and planted gently in Naruto’s lap.

The blonde was warm beneath him but not quite… _hot_. When he pulled away, Sasuke was breathless and pink in the face, but smiling a little.

“What was that?” he asked quietly, and Naruto beamed.

“I love you too!”

Sasuke’s throat ran drier than the desert as he stared at Naruto, still balanced on his lap with arms draped over his shoulders. “I… you… _what_?”

“I love you too!” Uncertainty breached his face. “Unless you… don’t? if you saying it too was just a fluke or something? Aw, damn it! Sorry! I just—”

“No!” Sasuke gasped. “No! No I… I love you, too.”

Silence.

Quiet.

Awkward, yes, but so, so worth it.

Naruto beamed at him, eye bright and face alight. He hooked his arms around Sasuke’s waist again and kissed him, then leaned in and tapped their foreheads together.  They stayed like that for about thirty seconds before Naruto finally whispered, “Is Itachi gonna be mad that I’m sitting in your bed?”

Sasuke slapped him.

Naruto laughed.

The End


End file.
